Love, Yejin

December 26, 1996

Dear Diary,

Merry Christmas!!!

Yesterday was a day full of sharing gifts, heart warming messages, blessings and love to your loved ones. Every year, I always receive those for which I am very thankful. I am blessed to have my loving family and friends... God indeed always letting me feel that I am his child.

I had so much fun during our Christmas party with the Hyun family. I wore the green dress that my eomma bought for me. My appa almost cried and said that I am no longer his little baby because I really looked like a grownup girl! Well, I really am. I'm already fifteen! Hehe!

Also, we had the delicious dishes that we enjoyed. We played games, like hiding handkerchief and words relay. Hahaha it's so funny because I and appa won the first game which we got a ₩5,000 prize... Of course, appa gave it all to me. Hehe!

Though, something that I didn't expect happened... :(

Before we had our exchange gifts with our family, I went to my room and took the gift box I prepared for Bin. I want to give him my present privately, so when I noticed that Bin was on his way outside our house, I followed him silently.

When I was about to go closer to him, I saw him in front of their gate... It looks like he's talking to someone, so I went hiding. I hide behind the big plant in our house... I can't clearly see who he's talking to since Bin's back was facing in my direction.

It looks like it was a girl... A short girl, like around his chest level. I thought it's just someone who's asking for direction, though I find it weird... Like whom will wander alone in the street on a Christmas Eve, or lost at this hour, right?

So I went closer to them, thinking I might also help the girl...

But it made me stop my tracks when I saw the girl was brightly smiling at him and handed a white box to Bin. Sooo, they know each other? Hmm... I went hiding again in another big tree not far away from where they stand, so they can't see me... And I was surprised when Bin opened the gift box and took a cap inside. I blinked for how many times to clear my vision... And my heart... dropped! Huhuhu, diary... It's exactly the same as the one I bought for Bin. It's THE SAME. :(

As I was looking at them, I suddenly thought that the girl looks so familiar... Oh, my! I remembered she was the one I saw in that store buying the cap with embroidered baseball. She said she bought it for her boyfriend! So Bin is her boyfriend?

Like I was out of words... I even hold my mouth as I can't believe Bin was hiding this from me. What happened to our promises? I know that I am only his best friend and I can't stop him from liking someone, but why? Why he didn't tell me? Am I not important to him anymore? Huhuhu! So maybe this is the reason why he's treating me differently?

It hurts, diary... Even though I didn't hear an explanation from him yet since after I saw them, I ran going back to our house, my heart feels so heavy. I asked myself if it's normal to feel this way, but I don't know why I feel so bad about it. I cherish our friendship so much! Not only that, but I'm relying on a lot from my best friend... He's my best confidant aside from my eomma and appa throughout the years, though he bullies me sometimes. Huhuhu! Why? Just, why?

To be honest with you, diary, the moment I went inside my room and closed the door, my tears fall down my face... I was really hurt and still hurting because I haven't talked to him after what happened. I put his gift in the drawer inside my closet and locked it. I hide it there! I don't want to give him that cap anymore. How could I? Huhuhuhu! It will look like I am competing with his girlfriend, right?

Good thing that when appa called me to go back to the dining area, I was already finished crying and calmed myself. However, when I looked in the mirror, my eyes were so red and puffy. It's really evident that I came from crying, so I washed my face and put a baby powder hoping that I'll look okay and normal.

When I went back to where our families were gathered, I noticed that Bin already went back as he was sitting beside my appa. He was carrying and playing with Jisoo. My heart even sank as I saw him looking so happy. Well, he deserves to be happy. But still, I can't deny the fact that I felt really hurt with the thought of he was lying to me.

That night until midnight, and after we welcomed the Christmas day, I tried all my best not to go closer to him and not to talk to him... Maybe he noticed that I was avoiding him, so he's the one who keeps following me. After our families bid goodbyes to each other at around one a.m, he followed me to my room. Thank God that eomma saw us, and she told Bin that he needs to go back now to their house because his eomma was looking for him. But after he nodded to eomma, he holds my arm and looked at me, then he asked where is his gift. I wasn't able to answer him right away, but I told him that I forgot to buy him a present. And I just assured him that I'll make it up to him on his birthday. His face looks really disappointed. Hmm, I know he was expecting a gift from me because we always do that on every occasion. For sure, he was disappointed because this is the first Christmas he didn't receive a gift from me. He even went inside my room as he thought I was just pranking him. Uhhhg, my heart really beats fast at that time!

When he can't find anything from my room, he went out and patted my head... He then said that he'll expect a double and nice gift on his birthday because of this. Hays! I just nodded and laughed at him... Pretending that I am okay.

This whole day, I didn't go out of our house, diary. I also didn't see him going into our house. My eomma asked me why I rarely went out of my room... I just said that I don't feel well, and I wanted to take a lot of rest. She also asked me if I have a problem. Hmm, do you think my eomma noticed that I avoided Bin at our party? Was it obvious? Aish! I don't know... Should I share it with my eomma about what happened?

Anyway... Hays! Diary... I don't know! It looks like our friendship is getting worse everyday! Ahhhrrrggg! What should I do diary? Huhuhu!

I keep thinking about he lied to me. It feels like I was betrayed. Ahhhrggg, whatever!

Goodnight, diary...

Love,
Yejin