Love, Yejin

February 28, 1997

Dear Diary,

First, I'm so sorry for leaving you alone in my drawer for how many days. You know, I really got busy with my dating life. Hahaha!

Omo! Can you believe I'm saying this to you right now, diary? If you could only see me now, I think you would really say that I look like a naughty cat covering my mouth while giggling. Hehehe!

Yes, it's been how many days since I became Bin's girlfriend and there was nothing but full of bliss whenever I'm with him. Everyday, I felt like I'm on cloud 9, diary... Every second when I am with Bin, I'd always want to make the clock stop ticking because I don't want to end the day without him by my side. Early in the morning of everyday, Bin would always wait for me in front of our gate so we can go to school together like usual. We always ride his bike going to school, he always picks a stem of flowers and gives it to me, he always gives me sweet kisses at the back of my hand and on my forehead... Haaays! Everything just feels so surreal, diary. I never know that I'd feel something like this with Bin. I never know that I'd love him now more than I love him before as my best friend. Loving someone really feels so good that sometimes it hurts your heart so much... But of course, in a good way.

Everyday at school, he always holds my hand like there's no tomorrow. He always looks at me with so much love and passion. He always makes sure to make me smile and make me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. And you know what's the best thing about this, diary? I like the better version of myself whenever I'm with Bin. Can you believe I got almost perfect scores in our mathematics and history quizzes? Hahaha! Oh my god! That may sound lame and funny, but I always feel inspired because my boyfriend is now my study buddy. Hahaha! I can focus on my studies now and with my boyfriend at the same. Well, tell me, who wouldn't get inspired with that?

Though my family didn't know anything yet about my relationship now with Bin, we're really trying to find the perfect time to say it to them. Hmmm... You know, I'm really worried if how would my appa reacts once he knows about us. I'm hesitant to tell them that I am now dating my best friend who they also treat like their own son, diary... I'm sure my eomma will really understand us, but I don't know when it comes to my overprotective appa. What if he'll get disappointed because we're still too young to be in a romantic relationship like this? What if he won't approve of Bin as my boyfriend? Huhuhu! But, whatever! We'll just cross the bridge when we get there, diary... What's important now is that I'm so happy with Bin, right? That I'm so in love with my best friend...

Actually... I have something... Uhmm, a kind of confession to make. I think I wouldn't get any sleep tonight if I won't tell you this, diary... Is it really normal when your boyfriend wants to hold your boobs everytime you kiss? Oh my gosh! I could feel my cheeks are blushing right now! Huhuhu! You know, last night, Bin and I went to the park again... We were both sitting on the grass behind the tree while looking up at the stars. Bin was behind me, and I was sitting in between his legs while leaning my back against his chest. Everything just happened so fast because after we talked about our childhood memories in the park, I found his two fingers holding my chin and moved my face to my backside to look at him... The moment our eyes landed on each other, he immediately catches my lips. Oh, gosh! I could still feel how soft his lips were moving above mine, diary! Huhuhu! Don't you think I'm going crazy? Ahhh! My heart at that time was beating so fast that it feels like it's going to burst out of my chest... Huhuhu! As you may know, everything about dating is really new to me. I know in myself that I don't know how to kiss so well yet, so I'm not that really confident everytime I do it with Bin...

Yet, I decided to collect myself together, diary. I closed my eyes and tried copying the movement of his lips. Suddenly, I hiccuped when I felt Bin's fingers were slowly crawling on top of my boobs. Oh my god! He also did that when we kissed inside his room, but last night was kind of different! Huhuhu! I was about to flinch and move his hands away, but when he started squeezing them, I felt something weird inside my body... It's weird, but it felt good at the same time. Oh my gosh! I don't really know if that is normal, but the next thing I felt, Bin was smiling without moving his lips away on me. He even whispered, "Let out your tongue, Yej." Shocks! My ears were really burning at that time, diary... But uhmm, I still did it anyway!

You know what's the next thing he did? The moment I let out my tongue while he's kissing me, Bin gently sucked it and it made my eyes open wider... Oh my gosh! That was the very first time someone sucked my tongue! I mean, you can't even suck your own tongue, right? Ahhh! I thought it was gross, but the more he's sucking it, the more it feels so good. Gosh, do you think I'm still normal, diary? Huhuhuhu! I really don't know! I was so shy when we pulled out from the kiss while catching our breaths so I tried lowering my head so I can hide my face... But Bin slowly hugged me and he whispered to my ear "I love you so much, Yej. Let's take it slow together, okay?"

Gosh! What do you think did he mean by that? Well, I know that he was talking to take everything slowly with our relationship, but why do I feel he's meaning something more than that? Do you think it's about... Uhmmm... You know... That thing? Oh my gosh! Or am I just thinking like a pervert girl right now? Ahhh! I don't know, diary! Huhuhuhu! Is this really normal?

Also, earlier, when we were walking on our way home, Bin looked at me again like he wanted to eat me alive! My gosh! When we arrived in front of our gate, he kissed at the back of my hand and said, "Come to my room tomorrow. Let's review together for our science exam." Ahhhh! Why do I feel like he's talking again other than the review, diary? Or am I just being paranoid? Why we'll review inside his room? Usually, we study together in the school library or in the park... You know, after he said that, he even showed me a teasing smile before he told me to go inside our house so I can already take a rest.

Ahhh! I really don't know, diary... I know I still have a lot of things to learn about dating life, but at least I'm learning everything with the person I love, right? I'm sure Bin will lead me along with our relationship, right?

Should I get worried about our review tomorrow, diary? Hays... I don't know, but I'm quite excited about it. Ah, what I mean is... I'm excited to be with Bin again. Hehe!

I think I should now sleep so I can prepare my brain for our review tomorrow. Hihi! Goodnight, diary... Mwua!

Love,
Yejin