Love, Yejin

February 14, 1997

Dear Diary,

Before anything else, I wanna say Happy Valentine's Day! How are you, diary?

Me... Uhm, I just got here in my room. I was planning to take a half bath earlier, but right now, I am afraid of going to the bathroom since it's already late in the evening. Eomma, appa, Jisoo and samchon were asleep already. Wait, uhm! Let me take a deep breath first... Okay!

Anyway, I don't want to immediately tell you what happened tonight, diary. I had mixed emotions since yesterday. Hays! A lot of things had happened... I actually don't want to write this tonight since I badly wanted to go to sleep, but I also want to let out the emotion I am feeling at the moment.

Yesterday, I went to school early in the morning. I wanted to arrive first in our classroom since I wasn't able to do my homework at home. You know, my head was too occupied after Bin and I talked at their locker room, so I haven't had the chance to give my attention to my assignments! When I got inside our classroom, I took my seat and started scanning my assessment book. I was answering my sheet and I smiled widely when I saw Inna and Mijung... Hehehe! Oh, my best friends. Yes, they are now my best friends... Maybe we are really made match in heaven to be the power puff girls because we always got each other's back. Even though I haven't told them yet the reason why I went to school so early, they already knew that I'm doing our assignments in our classroom. They're really the sweetest, diary... Minjung and Inna helped me to answer my assessment book even before our class started.

Bin, on the other hand, came very late to school. He arrived right after our second subject teacher began the discussion of our lessons. Of course, he got scolded... He looks so tired when I looked at him. I began thinking if he was still feeling down about what happened to their game yesterday.

While he's going to his chair after our teacher scolded him, he shot a brief glance at me before taking a seat... Uhg! I really hate it because he saw me looking at him. I just really hoped that time that he won't give meaning to it. Our teacher continued discussing the lesson. Bin was sitting on the second row on the right side. I can clearly see his back. I still looked at him, studying him instead of our lesson. Uhg! I really don't know, but I got worried diary... Bin is always attentive in class, but that day was different. It really looks like he's not feeling well. He was slacking off, and I can see he's having a headache when he silently hits each side of his head... Out of the blue, I was starting to remember all the things he said to me in the locker room. Is Bin really sure about what he said? Even if it's true or not, what's his deal saying that to me? Haysss... I talked to myself and thought that if only I'm strong enough and didn't run away again, I'm probably not having a hard time figuring all this out. I think the problem is really with me...

I stopped my deep thoughts when I heard my name being called by my teacher. Uhg!!! I'm so dead again... I was not listening to the lessons and our teacher asked me to recite what she just said a while ago. Maybe I just got lucky because my seatmate opened her book and pointed at the words I needed to recite. Hays! Thank God I was saved!

During that whole day, I always keep glancing at Bin... I find him so weird because he was so silent the whole class and he didn't even try to bother me. Was that his way to make me feel sorry for having doubts about what he confessed? Huhuhuhu! I should be glad that he's not getting on my nerves, right? But why it makes me feel so uneasy? I feel like I've done something wrong to him, and I owe him something he deserves... Uhmmm, an explanation why I can't remember the first kiss perhaps? An explanation why I can't believe his actions and words yesterday? Arrrgh! I also want to ask him a lot of questions, but how could I do it? I can't even utter a single word after I heard him. Did I really hear him? Why I am like this, diary? Huhuhuhu! I really hate myself because I was too helpless... I felt like my brain is so useless. It won't function well to act together with my body, especially with my heart.