Love, Yejin

January 24, 1997

Dear Diary,

I'm currently having a hard time right now...

You know why? Uhmmm... I finally decided to attend the Freshmen's night party on Tuesday. I asked my eomma to help me a few moments ago to help me look for a casual dress in my closet. Huhuhu! And I didn't realize that I don't have any casual dress that would fit the event... My eomma found the black dress that my sachon gave me. But, I am having doubts about that dress because it's quite revealing... Ehhh! That won't suit my personality, diary! Haysss! Most of my dresses were like fit for churches... Hehehe!

I also don't want to ask for my eomma to buy me a new one since it's not really a big event, but she said that it's going to be my first party experience as a high school student, so she wants it to be a memorable one for me... Hays, but I don't really want to, because it's going to be another expense... Huhuhu! I don't want my eomma to spend much money on me. I really hate asking for money from my parents because I know that it's not easy to earn it. Arhg! I don't know! Maybe I should just wear a simple old dress.

Hmmm... Anyway! You know what, diary... I just found out earlier at school that Kyo didn't go to school for five days already. Oh, maybe that's really why we didn't see her with Bin... Hmmm, what do you think happened to her? I really hope though that nothing bad happened to Kyo... Well, I also doubt that something's wrong with her or between the two of them since Bin was looking okay and still looks having fun at school.

Alsoooo... Omo! Hahaha! I'm quite blushing... Hehehe! I already received a response from mysterious G.S boy, diary! He's very fast, and I find it so cute! Hehehe... Yep, and I read it right away the moment Inna gave it to me during our lunch break... I'm so happy that Inna is also getting closer with us. Minjung and I always invite her because we know that she doesn't have any friends yet in our school. Well, I know Inna is a good person... Maybe the three of us can be long friends, right? Hehehe...

So, G.S letter was... Uhmm, how should I explain it? Hahaha! I think I'm going crazy over this kind of set up. Hahaha! I didn't know that it would be this fun... Hahaha! Yes, I'm enjoying it... Exchanging messages to a person you don't personally know yet, but feels like you already know each other from the past. I was smiling when I was reading his letter... He stated there about what kind of person he is, his likes, and some stories about his memorable days as a freshman student. Yes, we are of the same age, and I was not wrong! He is indeed a baseball player... Though he didn't mention yet his true name, I can already feel the connection. Aww! Was it okay to say that way? Hahaha! I'm happy that he shared those things with me even we haven't met in person yet. I can feel that he is a warm person, and I'm starting to wonder why I am getting excited to meet him soon as well... Hehehe! I will try to write a response for him tomorrow. :)

Well, moving on... Hays, I hate to tell you this part of what happened to me today, diary... Our role-play! Huhuhuhu! I felt so guilty... Ahrg! I really hate myself! Well, during our play, it went very smoothly at first... We really acted so well, and I'm so glad that none of us in our group forget our individual lines. But there's this HYUN BIN!!! Ahhh!!! Do you know what he did? During the ending scene of our play, he changed his line! Grrr! I really don't know what food did Bin eat before our play started that he really needs to do that!?

We were facing each other. His left hand holding my right side hip, while the other one cupped my face... Well, that's the flow of our last scene. I was able to hold it! I was able to control myself because I was not looking directly at his eyes... Yes, I avoided it happening even during our rehearsals. That's my only way to keep our acting going. Of course, for the sake of our grades! I'm not always good at this subject, so that was one of the ways I can recover my grades. Though I can feel his hand against the hanbok I was wearing, I swear to god I wiped away all of my emotions at that time... We were almost done! Our scene was almost done... He just only needed to say the last line "Samohabnida (I love you)". But, ahhhh!!! Huhuhu!!! He turned my head closer to his... I really thought that he was going to kiss me!!! Ahhhrg!!! I think that my heart was going to explode at that moment. I was even sweating! But fortunately, he didn't! Instead, he said...

"I have a strong will to love you for eternity. Saranghamnida, Ye Mama."

Actually, I couldn't hear him clearly because all of my classmates were clapping and shouting at us... Minjung said to me that our adviser was smiling widely and almost in tears. All of them even stood up! You know why? Because when I was looking at Bin's eyes while he states those unhearable words to me, it got my tears to fall unexpectedly. I don't know why, but I felt like my heart sank because in my head 'ahhh, so this is what Kyo feels like when Bin looks at her that way?' Huhuhuhuhu! For a moment, I felt like he was in love with me... For a moment, I felt like I was his girlfriend. I am so stupid, diary! Why did I feel that way? Huhuhu! Even after we went backstage, my tears still didn't stop flowing... I needed to run to the bathroom to cry my heart out.

Am I going insane, diary? Huhuhuhu! After crying so much, my head really hurts! Huhuhu! It feels like someone's banging inside my head...

Thankfully, after a few aching minutes, Minjung found me in the restroom and assisted me. She helped me calm myself... But when we got out of the restroom, Bin was standing there. I don't know what got me, but I immediately said to him that I'm okay, and he doesn't need to worry... Then we continued walking towards the school gate. That was our last class for the day, so it's okay to go home after our play ended.

Ahhh! That was so embarrassing, diary... I don't know how to face my classmates and teacher on Monday. Huhuhuhu!

Also, when I got home earlier, Bin went to the back of our house... I found him with appa fixing Jisoo's little chair. Grrr! I don't know anymore diary, because before he went back to their house, he said to me that he wants to invite me tomorrow night to the fountain park. Remember what I told you before? Where the first time I realized that I have feelings for him? Huhuhu! I wasn't able to decline anymore because appa was looking at me, and he said that it's okay if I'll go with Bin tomorrow since he already asked permission... Wow! Did he just ask my appa first before me? Was he really sure that I want to go with him? Grrrr!!!

Diary... What should I do? Eotteoke? Huhuhu! Why is Bin acting like this towards me? Is he going to hurt me again tomorrow? Huhuhu! :(

Love,
Yejin