Love, Yejin

January 11, 1999

Hi,

How are you?

Do you still remember me?

Do you miss me?

It's been two years. A lot of things happened. A lot of things changed. The places have changed, the people around me look strangers, the time turned so fast, the trees have grown big, the flowers have bloomed, but I am still here, having lots of what ifs and whatnot. Being left with so many unanswered questions, being left behind, so behind.

What if that moment didn't happen two years ago? Would everything stay the same? Would I still be happy? Would we still be happy?

To be honest, I don't know anymore how I was able to reach this far. I feel so empty and lifeless since that moment happened.

I'm sorry if I only have the courage now to write all of these things to you. To say what I feel over these years. I may not be able to say everything to you now, but for sure this is a start of releasing everything that was inside me all this time.

Two years. Yes, it has been two years of waiting. Two years of not being able to function normally. I don't know if I have already lost the hope, the faith, but I know I should not as long as I am breathing. Since everything was gone, I've been feeling dead inside. I haven't been able to continue my studies, my life that I should continue to live on, my dreams that I should continue to reach, and I still haven't been able to move on. It's not because I can't, but because I don't want to.

How would I be able to continue living if something, a big part of me, is still missing? Can you blame me? Do you have any idea how hard everything is?

The bright of my mornings was gone. The sugar of my coffee was gone. The sunshine of my life was gone.

I cannot survive, and will never ever survive alone. I'm still dreaming every day and every night for you. I miss the warmth of your embrace. I miss your sweet kisses, your tantalizing eyes, your ever beautiful smiles.

There was no single day I haven't thought of you. The more I think of you, our memories together, the more I love you, and it breaks my heart every single time because you're not here beside me. I felt like dying every day. I thought if I release what I felt in my heart by crying, the pain would go away, but it's not. It only hurts more, so much more.

Once, I tried ending all of these pain at once, but I always think of your face and I know you wouldn't like it. Though you're not here, you still have the power to stop me from doing such.

Until when, though? Until when should I keep bearing this pain inside me? Until when will you make me wait? I'm dying everyday to see you. To hold you. To hug you. To kiss you, my love.

Where are you?

I'm still here.

I'm still waiting for you.

Please come back.

Please come back to me, my love. I miss you like crazy. It hurts like it's putting me again to death.

Love,
Bin

P.S. Happy Birthday, my love!