To The Stage (Asking Alexandria Fan Fiction)

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My whole body was sweaty from another horrifying nightmare, it was the same ever time. It was always a constant replay of when Louis violated me. I can feel more tears down my face. I struggle to get up, but I eventually got up. I walked out of my room and I noticed that the house was dimly lit, everyone must be asleep. I struggled to reach the kitchen, but I took my time and finally reached my goal. I saw a whole bunch of bottles of alcohol sitting there, staring at me. All the labels I recognise, except these lame ass cruisers. I grabbed a new bottle of whiskey and looked at it. I could just taste it in the back of my tiny throat as I looked at its intoxicating liquid.

I was slightly distracted by the bright light in the corner of my eyes, I turn my heavy head and see some bright dots out a window. Damn, I should consider getting glasses. Thanks to my curiosity, I wanted to see what it was. I hobbled around the house and see a pair of glass sliding doors with the same bright yellow dots. I opened the doors and my face collided with a gentle cold breeze, the tears on my face was like dried up glue on my face now. My hair flew backwards as I walked outside. I closed the screen door and see that it was a very well constructed deck with a built in barbecue and pool. The little yellow dots were wrapped around the bare beams above the pool. Through the beams were the dim stars looking back at me as I approached the pool. The blue interior of the pool stood out more than it should. Looking down in it, the pool was empty.

By my slight disappointment, I sat down on the rim and left my bare legs to dangle down. I sighed and looked around the deck a little more. Luckily the deck was lit by the fairy lights, so I can see every detail. I looked at my hands and see the neglected bottle in my hand.

I looked at it again as it's tempting liquid was practically telling me to drink it. Fuck it. I popped open the bottle and threw the cap down the bottom of the pool. I hear a little tap as it landed on the light blue concrete. I lifted up the heavy bottle and the alcohol drained through my throat. It was a slight burn, but it'll numb out. I looked out into the darkness of the yard and see green leaves bristle and brush from the wind. I left all my focus on the dark trees and the whiskey as I sat there.

How did my life become such a mess?
Why did I ever say yes to Louis?
Why did I ever move in with him?
Why did I even forgive him?
Why did I text him back?
Why did I answer his calls?
Why would I even fall in love with him?
How did I ever say yes to his proposal to be his girlfriend?
Why did I ever go on the date with him?
Why did I ever go to the Music Awards?
Why did I ever tour with Asking Alexandria?
Why did I ever has sex with Sam and some stranger?
Why did I ever go to that party?
Why did I ever go on tour?
Why did I ever leave home?
Why did I ever agree to be in a Band?
How could I ever let myself go?
What has my life become?
What have I become?

My questions were swarming through my heads like serpents. I took another swig, I tasted a salty tinge as I swallowed. Tears. I took another one as I cried. I sniffled and wiped the tears a way. My face was cold and hard after I stopped crying. I could feel a presents behind me. I took a deep breath and stood my ground. I didn't want to give a reaction.

"Hi, can't sleep?" I hear a mumble.
I shook my head and looked at my hands.

It sat next to me and it sighed.
"Can I borrow that?" It asked.
It was a thick British accent. It sounds like James accent, but I know it's not James.
I looked at my lap to see a 3/4 of the bottle was gone. I nodded and gave it the bottle. I turned my head slightly to see the figure as I passed the bottle. It was Sam.

At first I was nervous, he hates me. He took a swig and handed back the bottle gently. I thought he would've thrown it at me. But no, he just placed it in my hands. I just sat there with a blank face and stare at the trees in the distance. We could hear Sam breath faintly in my hear as I just tried to ignore his existence.

I took another mouthful of the warm liquor and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Alice?" I hear him mumble.
I still looked into the distance as I spoke with no emotion.
"Hmmm?"
"I-I'm sorry, for everything," he said turning to me.
"It's fine," I said blankly.
"I never meant anything I said about you..."
"I know you did."
I didn't.
I took another mouthful and I was slightly buzzed by then.

"Why wouldn't you at least tell me earlier?" I blurted out with my croaking voice.
"Tell you what?" He replied sounding hurt.
"That you hate me, and that you regret sleeping with me..."

"I tho- I don't..."
"Then why did you say those things?"
There was a long pause. I guess he was trying to find the right answer.
"I didn't want to mess things up with you... I really liked you"
"What makes you think that I would ever consider being with you after saying those things," I said with tears brimming in my eyes.

"After all the things I have done, I knew I failed because you were engaged with Louis..."
I sat there with tears streaming down my face as he continued.
"... I felt defeated. I didn't want you to know that I had feelings for you."

I struggled to take a deep breath because my sobs were preventing me from breathing. I felt a pair of muscular arms wrap around me as I cried into Sam's shirt. I hugged him from his waist as I kept crying.
"I'm sorry..." I croak.
I can feel his heart race and hear him sniffle.
"It's not your fault," he whispered in sadness.

He buried his head into the crook of my neck. His wet face from tears met with my dry neck. I hug him tighter as he sobbed. I inhaled his scent, it was cologne mixed with alcohol. It wasn't as strong as Louis', it was sweet, not something that usually stings my nose.

"You smell like strawberry flavoured candy," he said through his sobs that was muffled in my hair. I giggled a little and Sam tightened his grip.
I feel his warm breaths in my hair as he took deep breaths to calm down from his emotional breakdown.

I was still crying at the fact that I was so clueless and selfish. He pulled his head away from the crook of my neck and rested his chin on my head. He was rocking us back and forth as I kept crying. His shirt was now soaked in my tears when I finally stopped crying. I pulled away and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. I took a huge mouthful and took another deep breath.

"I still have feelings for you Alice..." He admitted.
I snapped my head at his direction and our eyes met. I never noticed the colour of his eyes, it was a very light brown with a tinge of hazel. Sam's eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying. He put his warm hand on my face and wiped the tears away with his soft thumb. His fingertips played with the hairline at the back of my neck as he kept looking into my eyes. I couldn't look away.

His eyes were like a drug to me, I couldn't stop. I can feel another hand on my waist, riding up my shirt a tad. I feel another cold touch by the breeze as he gripped the side of my shirt to pull me closer. He leaned in and our lips have brushed. I closed my eyes and pressed my hips against his. His hot breath tingled my lips and we were about to fully kiss.

I stopped myself as I realised what I was doing. I leaned back and I opened my eyes.
"I'm sorry Sam... I can't," I whispered as he pulled back as well in embarrassment.

He let go of me and looked into the distance. I started to feel bad. I grabbed his face with my hand and gave him a long lasting kiss on his wet cheek. He seemed satisfied. He smiled wide as I finished kissing his cheek.

I slowly got up and tried to stand up. I was a bit tipsy and I couldn't walk. Sam held me in place and walked me back inside.