Andante

CXCIII

Eddy was smiling to himself as he watched Brett talk. He had been telling John and Mark a little bit about his audition for the con a few months ago and he had been asking all the right questions himself, of course. Mark turned out to be a curator for a museum in the area, and John and he had been together for forever, apparently. Brett in company was so different, and yet so similar to Brett when they were alone. The same loving, sweet tone, the same genuine interest and kind eyes, but at the same time no one could have suspected as they saw him from the outside, looking so comfortable and suave, how tender he had been last night. How he had held Eddy, how he had kissed the tears off his cheeks. Or just how freaked out he had been the morning before his audition. 
Maybe this was the best part of all about being Brett's boyfriend; that he was the only one who got to see that vulnerable side to him. And of course that other side, too, that sexy, confident side...
Eddy blinked quickly as he felt his cheeks colouring and he looked down at his plate of creamy rice and cheese. He saw John's smile out of the corner of his eye, though. The white mesh curtain by the French doors billowed softly next to him as he stabbed a tomato with his fork and ate it slowly.

"Was it really that obvious, John?"
The plates had been stacked and John had walked over to the garden doors and asked him if he wanted to walk with him. He had followed him into the garden in silence with his heart in his throat, building up to this quiet question. John laughed softly.
"You mean that the two of you are an item? No, Eddy, don't worry about it. it wasn't obvious at all. Only if you know what to look for."
Eddy nodded. "Do... do you mind me asking... you told me about your background... was being gay part of the reason you left?"
Mr. Davids sat down on a little wrought iron bench at the end of the little garden path and eyed him calmly.
"You're insightful. Yes, it was. I've told you before that I came from a strict, old-fashioned background. I left and made a life for myself here, with Mark."
Eddy sat down on the other side of the bench and eyed the conductor quietly. He sounded sincere enough, but his eyes had narrowed a bit, and he could see the pain in them, from long ago.
"That must have been really tough."
Mr Davids smiled suddenly. "It was, but I'm good now. And you'll be good too, and to be honest your situation is different from mine. Your mother loves you, I'm sure of it. I understand you don't feel comfortable telling her right now, but I'm sure that when the time comes and the shock wears off..."
Eddy looked down at his legs. John's sincere words seemed to pierce right through him, right to where the tears were stored. 
I am so NOT crying right now. I am absolutely, one hundred percent not crying right now.
"I hope you're right." he whispered, his throat thick. "John... I can't tell you how much it means, being here, being out. It's... nice."
John nodded. "Yeah, I know. I know how hard it is, hiding such big things about yourself the whole time. And look.... it will get better, Eddy, I promise. It may not be the easiest way, but you'll get there, I'm positive."
He looked out over the end of the garden, his eyes very far away.
"Eddy, just... please just take good care of yourself, okay? Because everyone should be allowed to be who they are, no matter who wants to judge them, no matter what the world around them thinks."
Eddy blinked hard, but not before his eye watered.
"I wish you could tell my mum that." he whispered, quickly swiping at the tear he hoped John wouldn't notice. 
His conductor friend put his hand on Eddy's knee.
"It's okay to be sad, Eddy. Don't hold back on my account. Look... you asked for advice. I think... the best advice I can give you is to walk her to it, slowly. Give her a little bit of information at a time so she can get used to the idea of you going to the con, and in time even of you being with Brett. And be strong in yourself. Because what you're feeling, what you're doing, is good, is fine, is completely allowed. And if you know that, if you fully believe that to be true, hopefully in time so will she."