Andante

LXXIX

He managed to get out of the lift and into their room, but only just in time. Some dam that he'd had no idea was in place broke through and before he knew it he dropped himself on his bed, buried his face in his pillow and sobbed. 
Time suspended as he cried, and he didn't know how long he'd been there in this ocean of tears, pouring his heart out, pouring all the grief about all the times that he hadn't been allowed to be, all the times that the way he was had felt wrong, out through his eyes into his poor pillow, that was getting moist quickly. He couldn't remember ever having cried like this. Not since... 
But then the door opened and closed softly and there were quick footsteps coming towards him.
"Jesus, Eddy, what's wrong?"
He would have answered, but he had no words right now, he only had sobs and tears. 
"Eddy!" 
Brett's voice was full of concern. 

"I... I... Brett, I can't anymore." he managed then. 
Brett instantly fell to his knees by the side of Eddy's bed and took his hand in both of his. 
"You can't what anymore, Eddy?" he asked, but his tone... there was something wrong with his tone. It made Eddy quiet for a moment, it made him lift his head and stare at Brett through his tears. 
"Do... do you mean you can't be with me anymore?" Brett asked then, slowly, in a voice so small that Eddy could barely hear it, even though he was sat right there next to him. 
Now the tears stopped dead as shock flooded Eddy's system and he sat up in one motion, pulling Brett on the bed beside him. 
"No, Brett. That's not what I mean at all." he said then, and he was surprised at how sure, how calm his own voice suddenly was. Something clicked into place, right at that moment, and he knew... he just knew that he would never be the same again. And when he spoke, he spoke with certainty. 

 "I mean I can't not be with you anymore. I can't go back to the way we were. I... I just can't. I need you, Brett. I need you more than anything else and I don't care what happens anymore. If my mum finds out and kicks me out and I have to stay with Todd I will."
He took both Brett's hands in his and looked him right in the eyes.
"Bretty... I'm willing to hide for a while with you but I need you. I need to be with you, for real."

Brett sat frozen for the longest time, not moving a muscle, his mouth slightly open, his eyes wide with so much unreadable emotion. Eddy waited breathlessly for what he would say. He didn't say a word as he sat there, waiting for Brett to deliver the verdict that would decide everything. That would decide his life and his happiness. 
In the end Brett still didn't speak, but he suddenly lurched forward and kissed him. 

The force of the kiss almost knocked Eddy back, but he recovered in half a second and before he knew it he was kissing him back with all his might. 
And they had kissed before, of course. They had kissed at AYO, years ago. They had kissed by accident, for want of a better word, quite a few times over the years since. 
But never, never had they kissed like this. The kiss was like an invocation, and it was passion, it was everything, it was all of their feelings and emotions, all of their angst, all of their love poured into that point of contact between them. 
"Are you sure?" Brett panted between kisses. He looked at him with burning eyes. "Are you really sure?"
Eddy's voice seemed to be conspicuously absent right now, his body feeling like it was on fire. 
He cleared his throat and tried again.  
"Yeah. Completely sure. You?"
Brett nodded, his hand still in Eddy's hair, the emotion clear on his face. 
"We'll stay together, no matter what?"
"Yeah. If... if you want that too."
Eddy braced himself again for the answer, but a smile broke through then on Brett's lips. 
"Yeah. Of course I want that."
"Okay." Eddy said, and now he was smiling too, because the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders.
"In that case... you'd better kiss me again."