Andante

XLV

Was Brett right? Did he not need to be feeling so guilty all the time? I mean, if Brett experienced this too, maybe there wasn't something wrong with him, after all? Brett had said it happened to everyone. And even though he didn't know if Brett really knew that or whether he was saying it to make him feel better... he had to admit it did make him feel better. 
He'd always hated the feeling of waking up and knowing something bad had happened, but he couldn't deny how good it felt at the same time. What a difference it would make if he didn't have to feel bad anymore? If he didn't have to feel guilty about everything, all the time?
He shook his head. God, this was all so confusing. And he needed to sleep, or the conductor would change his mind tomorrow about him being a promising young violinist. 
Sleep, Eddy.
He scrunched his eyes shut and thought about playing the Sibelius violin concerto. And every time his mind wanted to wander back to his worries he put it back to the sheet music he knew and loved, focusing on the bowings and the shifts, and at long last he fell asleep. 

The alarm clock woke them both after what seemed like about five minutes, and Eddy felt like he'd been run over by a truck. 
¨Ah, man!¨ he groaned, his voice croaky. ¨I need about sixteen more hours of sleep.¨
Brett chuckled softly. ¨Me too, man, but we gotta get up.¨
Suddenly Brett eyed him seriously. ¨You okay, bro? I could tell you weren't sleeping.¨
Eddy looked at him, and before he knew it he told him the truth.
¨You gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for being brave enough to say that, Brett.¨
¨Of course. You know I care about how you are.¨
Eddy smiled as he hauled himself out of bed.
Brett cared about how he was. 
Even though he deep down he knew that he must care, it was still absolutely lovely to hear him say it out loud.
They got dressed on the double and made their way over to the cafeteria.
¨I don't think I can even eat, I'm so tired.¨ he croaked as they walked through the corridor, the loudness of the kids eating breakfast already accosting their ears from miles away.

¨Hey guys.¨ a very dishevelled looking Todd said, coming up to them as soon as they walked in, ¨Man, you look about as good as I feel.¨
Eddy laughed. ¨Yeah. Seriously mate, we need to go to bed straight away after the concert tonight.¨
Todd nodded. ¨Yeah. Definitely.¨

Once they were sat in the orchestra Eddy was okay, though. The exhilaration of what the conductor had said the afternoon before was still resonating in his system, and it gave him just that little bit of adrenaline he needed to forget about the tiredness coursing around his body, and focus. 
At one point the conductor even glanced over at them and smiled, and Eddy felt like he was three metres tall. 
When the rehearsal was over they sat with their group to have dinner as usual, but none of them were talking much now. The last vestiges of adrenaline had left the building and Eddy really just wanted nothing more than to go to bed, pull the sheets over his head and forget all about the world, but alas, he had to go to the teacher concert.
A mandatory concert with music by Philip Glass, no less.
Man. Philip Glass? He was so not a fan. 

¨I'm going to fall asleep in about two seconds once I'm in that chair.¨ he warned Brett as they walked along after dinner, back to the auditorium. ¨Just wake me up if it gets too obvious, yeah?¨
Brett sniggered. ¨Well, in that case we'd best sit all the way in the back, because I'm not sure I'm going to be awake for very long myself!¨

They walked into the auditorium, and despite the overwhelming tiredness he felt it was still lovely to get installed in one of the soft red seats, surrounded by his friends.
And when the concert began and Eddy did fall asleep he fell asleep with the back of his hand touching Brett's under the arm rest, where it belonged.