Andante

CXXV

The afternoon, of course, had not been long enough. How could it ever have been long enough? They stole one more quick kiss, grateful for the shrubbery that was keeping them from view. Then they packed up and reluctantly walked off, each to their own homes. Eddy stared at Brett's retreating back pensively, longingly, trying to see him for as long as he possibly could. Why was it that he felt like Brett always took part of Eddy's heart with him as he went?
Still, he kept himself focused as he walked home and went straight to his room. 
Yes, this afternoon was awesome, no, you can't lose your shit now. You have shit to do and it would be very convenient if you did it well. 

He picked up his violin briefly, just to play through the repertoire again before tomorrow's lesson. He really hoped his teacher would be happy with the progress he'd made. He had to, right? After all that work, and after all he'd learned on stage last week? Then he sat down and took out his books for real now, digging into the mountain of work he had ahead of him. 
Sleep was for losers anyway, no? 
Still, there was something on his mind, something that was stopping him from really focusing, something that he'd promised himself to do but hadn't quite known how to. He looked at his bag, wondering. Would he? Could he? He looked back at his homework. Then he grunted, got up with a shock and took his phone out of his bag, typing quickly. 

      'Hey, mate, how are you going, back home?'

That would have to do. He pressed send and settled back down to do his homework. It didn't take long for the message to come back, though. 

     'Hey there, going fine. You?' 

Well. Fuck that. What was he going to do with that? He'd hoped that once he gave Ian an opening he might talk, but he'd clearly not been clear enough.
So what would he say now? He rubbed his forehead pensively and then he rapidly pressed the keys on the little touch screen again.

     'Yeah, I'm okay. Look, I just wanted to check in, make sure you were okay.'

He thought for a long moment with his thumb hovering above the send button. Was he really ready to send this? And more to the point, was Ian ready to receive it?
He shrugged into the empty room. If he never sent it, he'd never know, no? So he breathed in quickly and hit the button.
And he knew he should go on working right now, focus for once for God's sake, because he knew he wouldn't be getting to bed when he should as it was anyway. He just couldn't help himself though; he stared at the little square of light lying next to him on the desk, waiting breathlessly for Ian to reply.
His phone buzzed.

     'That means a lot, Eddy. I'm okay, don't worry.'

Eddy read the short message over and over. He could read the words, of course, but he didn't buy them, not for one second. In fact, after reading those nine little words, he was now more sure than he'd ever been before that Ian wasn't, in fact, okay.

Fuck.

But Ian did say that his message meant a lot, right? So surely, he didn't mind the prying? Eddy nodded to himself and typed once more.

     'Well, I gotta do my homework, but mate, you know I'm here, right? Whenever.'

He pressed send before he could second-guess himself, and he waited. He worked, he did his chemistry, his math, his English. He yawned, and still he waited. To be honest, he'd all but given up hope of ever getting another message when at last the phone buzzed again.

     'Thanks, Eddy. Good luck on your homework.'

And he knew, he just knew that that was all he was getting out of his violist friend tonight.

Double fuck. 

He shook his head with more than a little defeat, quickly got himself ready for bed and slipped between the covers to see if Brett would still be online despite the very late hour. But he fell asleep before he could even begin to type.