Andante

CXCIV

It got late, very late. They sat at the table for hours before John closed the French doors and the white mesh curtains and they moved to the spacious white couch on the other end of the living room, still talking, sharing anekdotes about concerts and lessons, laughing loudly. Eddy had soaked it all up as he sat in a corner of the couch with his legs folded under him and Brett very close to him. It was very strange, not needing to pretend, to just be able to put his head on Brett's shoulder for a moment, his hand on his knee, without anyone even noticing or batting an eye.
A very, very good kind of strange, though.   
He kept eying Mark and John together, how they were acting, the subtle, comfortable ways in which it showed that they were together, lovers, partners. Would he and Brett be like that eventually? Would they make a house for themselves somewhere, and cook risotto in cast iron pans by billowing net curtains and spacious gardens? 
"What time is your masterclass tomorrow?" Mark asked eventually, and that made Eddy look at the clock.
"Eleven." Brett said next to him with a small smile. "We should probably head to the hotel in a minute."
John nodded. "We'll try to catch the concert tomorrow. Richard has been badgering me to come all week."
Mark grinned. "Yes, because otherwise you'd never drag me to a concert, John?"
John gave his partner a sideways look that made Eddy laugh. This was the kind of banter that you got from years of comfortably living together. It was great to see. 
"Nope. Never."
"It would be fantastic to see you both there, though." Brett said in his sincere, pleasant tone. "And I think I speak for both of us when I say: thanks so much for this evening, John. It's been all sorts of awesome."
"The pleasure was all mine." John smiled. "You should both come back next time you're around and maybe I'll attempt that hotpot."


Brett and Eddy put their shoes on in the hallway. Eddy didn't want to leave, he wanted to keep that door closed, those shoes off, run up the stairs before anyone could catch him and move into a little room or something and never look back. Because he could feel the weight of the world outside, waiting for him, completely ready to take its place back on his shoulders.
Had he ever been this relaxed in polite company before?
"Eddy? Call me anytime you need an ear, day or night."
John's voice was soft and sincere and it almost made Eddy sob all over again.
"Thanks, John. For everything, it means a lot." he said with his voice all hoarse.
John nodded. "Any time, yeah? Remember, okay?"
"I'll remember." he replied quietly as he stepped out onto the sidewalk and watched as the door closed behind them both. 

The streets of Perth were dark and deserted. Eddy breathed in the still air as they walked along, filling his lungs, trying to get his raging thoughts under control.
"You alright?" Brett said quietly.
Eddy looked around him at the empty streets and then he took Brett's hand on a whim. He felt him still for just a second, but he didn't pull back.
"Yeah. I just..." he blinked into the darkness, and suddenly words started spilling over into the night. "I just... fuck, I just don't know how much longer I can do this for, Bretty. Because being out, like that... it was too nice. It was too nice."
Brett nodded. "That why the hand?"
He looked at him sideways. "Yeah, I guess. There's no one here. Is that okay?"
Brett smiled wryly. "More than okay."
"I didn't want to leave John's house, Brett. It just feels... I dunno, it just feels like he understands me."
Brett nodded again. "I can see that. I guess... I guess he's been where you are. And it's very clear that he cares about you, Eddy." Brett was quiet for a second, and Eddy could hear him swallow in the stillness of the night. "I wish... I guess I wish you could see more how easy to love you are, my love, how many people care for you. You're... you're so hard on yourself."
Eddy tightened his hold on Brett's hand, their fingers firmly intertwined. Anyone who saw them like this would make them as gay instantly, but right now he didn't care.
Was he hard on himself? Maybe, but what else was he going to be?
"John gave me some advice." he said then. "He said to drip feed my mum information. A little at a time, getting her slowly ready for a future where I'm a violinist and not a doctor."
"Okay, and how does that sit with you?"
Eddy blinked again. What was it about walking in the dark? Or maybe it was the west-coast air, but he suddenly seemed to be spilling every bean he had ever tried to hold back. His throat was constricting with the gravity of the words that were fighting their way up from deep, deep inside. "Well. I don't really know. But I do know I have to do something, because I... I don't know how I'd survive another year like the last."
Unexpectedly Brett pulled him close, and Eddy could feel the emotion rolling off him as Brett crushed his chest to his.
"You have to, Eddy." he whispered feverishly. "I need you to."
Eddy nodded. "I will. I will."
He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Brett, or himself.
"I can't believe he made us quite that easily." he smiled then as they let go, trying to lighten the mood.
Brett raised his eyebrows. "Well. He's gay himself and I think we were never more obvious about things than last time we were here, no?"
"That's true, I guess."
"Come on." Brett said as he started walking and took his hand again. "I'm going to take you to the hotel and kiss you until neither one of us can think about anything anymore."