Andante

XIX

They walked off to the Boba shop side by side, chatting about school and music.
¨I fucked up the Bruch in my lesson yesterday so bad.¨ Eddy said, shocking himself a bit with his honesty. What was it with being around Brett and his brain to mouth filter being broken?
¨Oh no!¨ Brett replied, and to Eddy's relief there was no judgement in his voice. ¨That sucks! I know the feeling, bro.¨
Eddy smiled ¨Yeah. Too many fucking times.¨
He heard Brett's grin. ¨Yup.¨
¨I don't know what it is! I play it perfectly at home, and then I go to the lesson and it's like my fingers are made of overcooked spaghetti or something. And everytime it happens I put more pressure on myself. And it's like it's getting worse and worse.¨
He didn't say anything about being distracted and why. His brain to mouth filter wasn't that broken.
¨I think it's because we're not kids anymore¨, Brett said suddenly. ¨When I was a little kid I never thought about what the teacher would think. Now that I know I'm being judged it makes me fuck up more.¨
Eddy looked at him with surprise. Wow, Brett was so insightful!
¨I think you may be on to something there,¨ he said then. ¨But how do you fix that?¨
¨I don't know if you can. I guess you just have to keep practicing until you're so sure of your fingers that it doesn't happen anymore.¨
Eddy sighed. ¨Yeah, I guess.¨
They walked into the bubble tea shop and ordered at the counter, and then they both took their cups to their table in the corner straight away.
Eddy smiled slightly. How funny that it already felt like their table.
¨So, how was school?¨ Brett asked.
Suddenly realisation hit Eddy like a wrecking ball. Shit! He'd have to tell Brett about Lily. He knew full well what they'd agreed, but still. How would Brett feel about it? He knew in his heart that he himself wouldn't be very happy about it if Brett would be going to the dance with Lily... Shit.
¨Err... I... I...¨ he stammered. Brett looked at him in concern.
¨What's up?¨
Eddy stared at the tablecloth, and his voice was so soft he wasn't sure Brett would be able to hear it. He didn't seem to be able to muster up more volume though.
¨I asked Lily to the dance on Saturday.¨
After a while he looked up at Brett through his eyelashes. Brett looked pale and his eyes were sad. Eddy hated seeing his eyes so sad. But there was something else too that he couldn't place. Like he was steeling himself or something.
¨Yeah, that's cool, bro¨ he said then. ¨Awesome.¨
They were quiet for a while, both looking at the tablecloth.
¨Lily's nice.¨ Eddy said then, his voice still strangely soft. ¨She's Asian as well and she likes classical music. Maybe she'll come watch us busk at some point.¨
¨Cool.¨ Brett said quietly.
Fuck, this was awkward. He wanted to say so much, and yet he had no idea what to say. What would he even say in this situation? 'I'm trying desperately to be normal, even though I really only want you'? Yeah, that would really  help the situation.
So instead he just cleared his throat, desperate to go back to the easy banter they'd had before:
¨And you? Good day at school?¨
Brett shook his head and seemed to square his shoulders.
¨No, it was brutal.¨ He launched into a whole story about a very strict teacher. Phew. This was safer territory. Eddy tried to relax and help Brett out, just like Brett had helped him several times already. He really hoped that maybe one day he could be as insightful as Brett was. 
They talked for a while about the tests that they had coming up, but then he saw his watch: it was time to go.
No way it would be a good idea to be home late if they didn't want this to be the last time they got bubble tea together. 
They walked back side by side again, and Eddy had the feeling that they were okay now. He really, really hoped that they were okay.
¨You good? We good?¨
He had to ask. He had to know.
¨Yeah mate, we good.¨ Brett answered. ¨Maybe we can practice those duets tomorrow at my place?¨
¨Yeah! I'm sure my mum will be okay with that. After school, maybe? I'll make my homework in the evening?¨
¨Sure, I'll send you an IM on messenger later, okay?¨

And with that Brett walked off home, giving a small wave as he walked around the corner. 
As soon as he was out of sight Eddy felt deflated. Brett really did bring the sun with him whenever he came.
He shook his head sourly and walked into the house. He just hoped Brett was okay.