Andante

CXL

"So, did you have fun this weekend?"
He was so, so glad he was finally on their bench again, finally able to sit here with Lily the way they always did, one leg on each side of the bench and facing each other. The night had been pretty long, because he'd thought of nothing but his violist friend, who must be lying in his own bed in pain. Both physical and mental. He'd hardly slept as he wracked his brain again and again to see if he'd done it right, whether he should have done more, could have done more. But he kept coming up empty. Then, of course he'd had to skip his morning practice, so that was yet another thing to feel guilty about, and now he was here and he couldn't even tell Lily about any of this shit, because Lily didn't even know Ian and he'd made him a promise. 
But at the very least he could be there for her and see how she was. 
"Are you okay, Eddy?"
Oh crap. He could have expected this, in fact he was an idiot for not expecting this. Of course she'd see it in his eyes, in his face, maybe even in his silence as they walked over here? He wanted to hit his forehead with his flat hand in annoyance, but instead he gripped the bench with both his hands and sighed.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Lily. Just.... just worried about someone else, that I'm not allowed to say anything about."
There. That was all he'd be able to say, and he really hoped it would be enough. 
He could see the cogs turning in her head, worry and natural girly curiosity warring with his simple statement that he wasn't allowed to say. Then she nodded. 
"Okay. Just... let me know if there's anything I can do?"
He smiled as he put his hand on his friend's thigh. "Yeah. Thanks. So tell me, did you have fun this weekend?"
Instantly her eyes started gleaming and he knew already, before she'd said a word.
"He's wonderful, isn't he? Do you agree? Yes, of course I had fun, what do you think! God, I just wish we could spend every weekend like that, heck, I'd spend every day like that, for forever!"
Eddy grinned now, the enthusiastic waterfall of words washing over him and taking some of the gutwrenching worry with it. 
"I'm glad. And I like him, too. He seems like a nice guy, and he's certainly plenty into you, I think."
"You really think so?"
Eddy almost rolled his eyes. Really. Had Lily had her eyes closed all weekend, hadn't she seen the way Matt had looked at her?
"Yes, I do."
He almost startled when she very suddenly leaned forward, threw her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tight for just a moment. Then she let him go again, just as suddenly, and she looked at him with a very serious look in her eyes. 
"Eddy..." she said, hesitatingly. 
"Hmh?"
"You know you're not responsible for everyone, right?"
Her voice was soft, but very insistent. It made him blink. Where had that statement come from all of a sudden? The look on his face must have been clear enough, because she carried on. 
"It's just... you care so much for everyone around you, and we all love you for it. But you... I don't know, you just seem to be so hard on yourself sometimes."
He cocked his head in surprise. Was he hard on himself? Sure. But how else would he ever get anywhere? What could he even say to this? He scrunched his eyes shut, because he could feel himself slipping now and it was all simply too much, way too much, and all at once all he wanted was to see Brett, to bury himself in his embrace, to kiss him and hold him tight and let him make it all better. But Brett had a violin lesson this afternoon and his parents had said he should stay home. 
He checked his watch just as the bell rang. Then he got up in a swift motion, hugged Lily again and whispered in her ear.
"Thank you, Lily. I'll think about it, okay?"
She nodded, but he could see in her eyes she wasn't at all relieved. 
Shit. And now he was worrying Lily. Nice going, mate.
He knew full well he shouldn't, but the feeling was stronger than he was and he found himself wrestling his phone out of his pocket quickly as he started walked back inside and dialing Brett. Brett's break was still going, he knew. Brett picked up straight away. 
"Hey! You okay?"
"Hey. Erm. I know we weren't going to see each other, but I.... Bretty, I really need to see you. Can you sneak away for a moment after school?"
Brett was quiet for only a second.
"Of course. I will see you by the bench."