Andante

LXXXV

He hadn't realised how much the feeling of acceptance from the outside world meant to him until he had to bite back tears. 
Todd and Ian didn't even comment, or react very much; Todd just smiled at him, while Ian just carried on as if everything was completely normal.
Which in a way, he guessed, it was. 
But still, it was a big thing to him. Their first PDA, and no one even batted an eyelid. Todd and Ian just kept chatting, just as they would have if Brett had been a girl and he would have put his head on her shoulder. 
How vehemently he wished the rest of the world looked the same way. 
"Hey." Todd said softly, suddenly, and moved slightly so he could put a hand on Eddy's thigh. "Big steps?"
Eddy hadn't even realised that a treacherous tear had breached the dam of his eyelid and was making its way down his cheek. And he would have run, he would have locked himself into the bathrooms, would have hidden his tears from the eyes of other guys, but somehow when he looked into Todd's eyes he knew he didn't have to. 
"Yeah. Big steps." he said with a shaky voice. 
Brett had his arm around him now and was pulling him close, and even though Brett wasn't crying he could feel all the same emotions radiating off him. 

"Ian," Brett said in the softest of voices, that somehow was still so clear to understand, "maybe Todd can fill you in on some of the history later, if you're interested, but let's just say it means a lot to us to be out, like this, even if it is just to a small group."
Eddy didn't miss the tremors in Brett's voice on that last sentence, and he pulled him tighter still. 
Ian smiled at them both and seemed to deliberate for a moment before he spoke. 
"Well, I'm very honoured that you trust me enough to be out to me, then, because I haven't known you guys for very long. I guess you get by now that it makes zero difference to me, and to be honest I get the feeling you belong together anyway."
There was an undercurrent to Ian's voice that Eddy didn't understand, and he looked at him inquiringly now, his tears under control again. And his question marks must have been clear to Ian, because hesitantly he started talking again. 
"Look guys, now that we're in touchy-feely mode, I just want to say how much I'm loving this week, how much I love being with you lot. I... well, I understand what it's like to feel like you're different from the rest. It's... " he paused and swallowed. "It's awesome to feel like you belong."

Eddy's eyes shot to Todd, and it was instantly clear to him that Todd knew exactly what Ian was talking about. Wow. Still - or maybe brash - waters really did run deep with him, no? 
Then he looked at Ian with an encouraging smile. 
"Do you not always feel like you belong, Ian?"
Ian sighed. "Well, I don't want to get too deep into it, but no. So I'm really happy to be with you guys this week and feel... well, to feel that you like me."
"Jesus, Ian!" Eddy said under his breath, understanding the implications of what Ian had just said all too well, and he got up on his knees to sit next to him, putting his hand on Ian's shoulder. "Hey, mate, of course we like you, and anyone who doesn't is an idiot, okay?"
The tears in Ian's eyes surely didn't escape anyone's notice, but he nodded and smiled wryly. 
"Thanks, guys. Anyway, let's carry on having a nice afternoon, hey? Maybe Brett and Eddy can make out some, or something?"
Everyone laughed.
"Yeah, we may be keeping that bit indoors for now." Brett said in the most deadpan tone imaginable, making the whole crew laugh even louder. 

And just like that they were back to being a normal group of four almost-grown guys, bantering and having fun. But Eddy silently made the firm agreement with himself that he was going to keep an eye on Ian, both now and when they got back home.
Because in his book, no one should ever be made to feel like they didn't belong, or like no one liked them.