Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 91.2: 1968, Georgina

Chapter 91.2: 1968, Georgina

We’d eaten in silence. Afterwards, he’d washed the dishes by himself and I’d wheeled over to the couch, taking my usual place in the living room without a word. I wondered if he thought I was mad at him, and it felt weird because yes I would have been mad at him if I hadn’t been feeling so numb. But I just couldn’t feel anything. He’d dropped this huge bombshell on me, but still nothing.

As I put another cigarette into my mouth and took a match from the box on the table next to the couch, where it had remained all day as I hadn’t moved much, I realized that I’d been successful in fooling myself. I’d been trying to make myself numb all day, fighting my feelings. Now here I was, completely numb. I was successful.

As I was realizing that I had to strike the match in order to create a light, my cigarette was yanked from my mouth. I didn’t jump, and this was strange to me. But I sat patiently as I heard Paulie’s Zippo light. In a second, the cigarette was replaced into my mouth just as it had been. I took a puff and let the smoke come out my nose. With this, I took it between my fingers and let my hand fall to my armrest, billowing out the rest of the smoke from my mouth quickly.

I hadn’t intended to watch him, but he was in my line of vision. He plopped down on the couch and took one of my cigarettes, which were conveniently on the table next to the matches. I watched him light it and put his Zippo in his shirt pocket. In fact, that shirt looked too nerdy for him. Since when did he wear shirts with front pockets? There was a tendril of anger in this, from where I didn’t know. But with another breath of my cigarette it was gone.

“Okay, Georgina. You’re going to tell me what is going on and you’re not going to leave until we’re finished.”

I breathed out and settled. So he could tell there was something wrong. Of course he could. He wasn’t stupid. It had been obvious. I didn’t look at him, but I could tell he was looking at me. The feeling was creeping over me. I had his complete attention, just like I’d wanted at dinner. But he’d derailed me.

Now that I had his attention, I didn’t want it.

“You didn’t say a word when I told you Avi and I are back together. Where’s that fire, huh? You practically ate me when I said I wanted him back, remember? You practically turned into a shark monster. But now that we’re back together you don’t say anything? Do you know how long I worried about you biting my head off because I’ve been seeing him? Why do you think I kept it a secret?”

I shrugged and took another puff. Why was he talking about this when he wanted me to talk? I just felt tired now.

“You’re not talking. I know something is up. Come on, say something. I’m not going to stop until you say something.”

I shrugged again. But he was staring at me intensely. But I could only think of one thing, and it wasn’t from my feelings earlier today about how sorry I was about how I had been last night. Those feelings were oddly gone. There wasn’t anything else.

My mouth slowly opened, and he looked expectant.

“I already told you what’s wrong.” That’s it. That’s all I had to say.

“Yeah? And what’s that? Sorry I missed it.”

I sighed, new cigarette smoke billowing. It hadn’t sounded like he’d missed it when I’d said it last night. But now it was different.

He went on, not waiting for me to speak, his own insecurities showing through. “Are you mad at me because I missed it? I’m really sorry. But in a way, I’m glad you’re mad.”