Chapter 33.1: 1994, Georgina

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Chapter 33.1: 1994, Georgina

 

"You didn't have to do this, Avi. Really."

"But it wouldn't be Christmas without a tree."

"You must be confused, you Jew. This is not a tree. Its a piece of plastic."

"Forgive me for trying. But come on. Isn't it festive? Don't you want to celebrate Christmas?"

"Why am I always surrounded by Jews on Christmas? Can you tell me that, Avi?"

"Come on, help me put it together."

"I don't want to. I'll watch you."

"That's the spirit."

I watched Avi lay the large rectangular box on the floor. I had to admit, the tree looked pretty on the box itself, all white and dressed in blue decorations, tinsel and things. Why couldn't we just prop the box against the wall and that would be that? Why go through all of this trouble?

After a while, watching Avi snap pieces together, the tree seemed to be growing in my living room near the piano. At least I didn't have to worry about pine needles falling all over it. 

But the smell.

"Ugh, Avi, what the hell?"

"Its pine scented!"

"That's not pine! Why would a plastic tree ever smell like pine?"

"Its Christmas?"

I sighed and he resumed his task. He looked to be about done, when the safety knock sounded on my door. "I'll get it. That'd be Charlie," he said, his voice dropping about an octave. I rolled my eyes.

"What is Charlie doing here? You know it makes me uncomfortable when both of you are here."

"Its just Charlie. Calm down. He's got-"

"I'm not going to 'calm down'! How dare you!"

"Whoa, Georgina. Whoa."

I held my breath and turned away from him in my seat, but that didn't help. The anxiety like a pressure from my spine to my throat was building, this familiar panic. I could feel my face turning red from not breathing. There were no sounds from the area of the piano, so I knew Avi must be staring at me.

"...Should I...go home?" he asked. His voice sounded hollow due to the acoustics of the apartment.

I couldn't answer him right away, so he waited. He was familiar with this. It made me uncomfortable that he was so knowing of my tendencies.

I let out my breath and as usual, I started to hyperventilate. My hands gripped my knees through my thick red skirt and my chin dropped to me chest as I breathed heavily, too quickly. 

"Myyn lyb, I really can leave. I can get Charlie to leave, too. Your tree is up at least. Its very pretty, like its covered in snow."

I felt a hand on my own and I looked up. My eyes widened, realizing nobody was there. Then I remembered...the small hand, yet larger than mine. The slender fingers, the piano hands. Oh my god, why now? My body began to shake as huge dry sobs rocked through me, and my hands were on my head if a bomb would drop and oh Frankie, that was Frankie's hand and-

"Georgina, listen to me. Are you okay? Look at me. Talk to me. Talk to me."

"Avi...Avi...Frankie...I want-"

"Shh, shh. I know. Its Christmas. You're lonely. I miss mine, too. But I'm here with you. Shh, shh." Avi was hugging me now, my head pressed to his chest as he rocked me back and forth like a child.

I miss mine, too.

Did he mean Esther or Paulie?

The safety knock came again, causing me to tremble. "I'll make Charlie go home. Don't worry, myyn lyb. It will be okay, I'm sorry." He made to get up, but I gripped the sides of his bear-like sweater, the thick brown wool scratching me like his beard when he kissed me in friendship. It was so comforting, this sweater. Like a dad sweater. Like my dad...

The safety knock came again, and a voice. I buried my face in the warm, toasty wool. "Hey Pop, I got the ornaments and things. You want I should come in? I got the key and all. You busy?"

Avi started to chuckle, rumbling in his chest and into me. It quieted my trembles.

"Would you listen to that kid? 'You want I should'. You'd think Esther wasn't an English teacher for twenty years with that."

Esther. Had he meant Esther before?

"You want him to leave? Your tree really does look pretty as it is. Just like on the box. Its pretty classic."

"Mm," I agreed, breathing in his cigar and Old Spice smell. His large hands rested on my sides, showing me it was time to end our embrace. I felt okay anyway now.

"Do you want me to bring you some cookies later? My daughter made some great sugar cookies. They've got pink frosting. You know, because her husband's not Jewish and all. She really made them for her daughter for Christmas but-"

"No, thank you." I really didn't care to hear about his happy little family that he and Esther had created. Even though he had comforted me, the bitter seed was growing at his words. Did he really think I wanted to hear about a granddaughter that was made at the sacrifice of my best friend? I sighed, thinking about him, my Paulie. But I dared not think about Christmases with him and the what if's. I had thought too many of these over the years.

"Do you want anything? I can bring you anything from the shop. Do you have any strawberry milk?"

I nodded, looking down at my lap. My hands were folded there, and I realized my knuckles were white. I loosened my grip, then smoothed out my skirt, trying to make it look like a casual movement. 

"Should I get it for you?" he asked, already straightening himself to get it.

"No, its okay," I said in a voice that was quieter than my intent.

The doorknob rattled, and the sound of a key turning in the lock made my head whip around to the door quick as prey being hunted, causing my heart to race and pound in my chest painfully. 

"Boy, the other locks are place!" Avi bellowed, causing everything to tighten in me.

"Oh, okay, Pop! I just thought-"

"You thought nothing! We're going!" Avi turned to me now with a small smile. I looked up at him neutrally. Even though I didn't like that Charlie was Esther's son, I still didn't like the way Avi treated him sometimes. When was it okay to speak to your son like that? Charlie had just been concerned, surely. 

I wanted to say something, but I kept my mouth shut. Sensibility told me it was none of my business. But Charlie was...

"We'll be going now, Georgina. You enjoy your tree, okay?" Avi said, walking now to the door. He began to unlock it expertly. It made me want the locks replaced. The door swung open, revealing Charlie standing there with a giant box at his feet, no doubt holding rows and rows of ornaments.

Charlie began to whisper to his father, but I heard him anyway. 

"What's wrong? I thought we were going to put the ornaments on. My present for her is in the box and-"

"She doesn't want your present, she made that pretty clear," Avi whispered back, making his son step backwards to make way for his body in the hallway. He dragged the door closed behind him and I heard the key in the lock. 

But his words remained. I had said nothing of the kind about Charlie. I had no idea Charlie had wanted to give me a present. Tears pricked in my eyes, about how rude Avi was being to Charlie so casually. Even so briefly, I saw on Charlie's face the confusion and hurt. He'd shown me how much he cared about me that hot August day when I had collapsed, so I knew he was hurt. As a tear bled down my cheek, I decided that the next time he came with my groceries I would apologize about this.

The sounds of them descending the stairs together faded, and I was alone again plus one ugly, plastic tree.

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