Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 49.1: 1995, Ruiz

Chapter 49.1: 1995, Ruiz

 

Torture. This was torture. 

My hands bunched on Ambrose's sleep shirt as a fresh anguished yowl pierced the darkness all around us, coming from the room next door. It had been like this for the past few nights, and I couldn't take it anymore. Ambrose's arms tightened around me, knowing already what I was going to say.

"I have to go in there," I said again, already trying to get away from him. "I can't just lay here. I need to do something."

"No, sometimes grief just needs to be let out. Its cruel, but it needs to run its course."

"But listen to her. Isn't it cruel not to go comfort her? She's not like a baby. She's not going to cry it out."

Rolling sobs that sounded like laughter, the worst kind. 

"Ambrose, I need to go in there."

He just rubbed my back, not saying anything now.

"I have to go- listen to her! It feels wrong not to go in there."

I felt him nod into my shoulder. "Its like with Miss Kitty, though. She'd cry when Miss Paula was in the hospital, too."

"And? What happened to Miss Kitty, Ambrose, when you didn't go comfort her?"

He was silent to this. I knew I'd said the wrong thing, but goddammit Ambrose. You comfort people when they are in pain. Period. You don't let history repeat itself. You do something.

"I'm going in there. I don't care." 

He didn't say anything, just let his arms fall away. Due to this reaction, I knew I'd hurt him deep. But I had to make him understand. He loved Miss Cha Cha. We both loved her. And it was pissing me off that he was acting like he didn't. What was wrong with him? This wasn't the Ambrose I knew.

But I couldn't think about that as a shriek made me jump halfway across the bedroom floor. Oh god, what- what was she thinking about? What made her shriek like that?

"I'll be back," I said, opening and closing the door without hearing him say anything one way or the other. 

Yes, I was still mad at him for not telling me the truth a couple of days ago. What's more, he'd gone out again yesterday and wouldn't tell me what he did, too. Why wouldn't he tell me what he was doing? Didn't he think I could take it? Didn't he know that relationships are built on trust? What was wrong with him?

I made the short trek down the hall, and with so much care I knocked five times on her door. As before, the sounds stopped for a few seconds but started up again. 

"Miss Cha Cha, are you okay? You need something?" I asked, not too loudly because I didn't want to startle her or anything. I opened the door a little bit and light from the hallway flooded in. 

Oh god, she was under her covers. Completely under, the covers over her head and looked like they were being pinned there. My eyes followed the small form under the blankets, trying to comprehend. 

She was in a fetal position. 

I knew it. She needed help. She couldn't take this by herself. Stupid Ambrose. He was going to let me not come in here?

"Miss Cha Cha, you okay?" I asked again, making my way over to her bed. My hand fell on top of her bright yellow covers, touching her back. Her head moved slowly from side to side as her back shook under my hand. Her sobs were small, muffled. Her back was so tense.

"Tell me what I can do," I said gently as possible, wanting her to know I wanted to help so badly.

Violent shaking was my answer, scaring me. But I went dizzy as the tenseness in her back was released, the yowling cries so loud I thought I'd entered another realm of possibility in sound.

All I could think to do was drape myself over her, holding her to best I could. 

But then she started speaking. Something I couldn't make sense of.

"Sasha..." she wailed, "Sasha...why..." A deep breath as if she were sucking in all the air in the world. "Paulie, Kitty...Sasha...G-Georgina!" Georgina's name was screamed. Screamed.

I held on to her tightly, not knowing what to do, but hoping my being here, hugging her, was enough. 

"I couldn't- I couldn't stop it! Why Sasha? Why Georgina?! Why?! What did they do?! They didn't do anything!"

"Shh, shh, shh..." I didn't know why I was making this sound, but I couldn't think of what else to do.

"Ahhhhh..." she moaned deep, "Ahhhhhh...why...."

"I don't know. Shhh."

"Why..." This was quieter. 

"Shhh."

Sniffles. "Georgina..." she moaned.

"Georgina's going to be okay. We'll take care of her."

"Georgina..."

"Shhh."

"Mmmm."

I held onto her. She was quiet now, but shaking in sob bounces still. I'd hold onto her for as long as it took for her to go to sleep. It wouldn't be like those other nights. She didn't deserve that.