Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 55.1: 1995, Ruiz

Chapter 55.1: 1995, Ruiz

 

"Hello?"

"Oh, yes. Is Ruiz there?"

The voice on the other end of the line sounded unsure, as if he hadn't expected an answer. 

"Yes, this is Ruiz." I started wrapping the phone cord around my finger immediately. It wasn't often I got a phone call. 

"Hi. Its Tony."

"Oh. Hi." 

"Um..." Awkwardness set in. I stretched the phone cord to a chair and sat down, releasing the twisted line as I went. It was defeaningly silent.

"How are you?" I asked, trying to break the pause. 

"Oh. Um. I'm fine. I was just calling to see if you were."

This caught me off guard. I pressed my lips together. I couldn't really be truthful to him. The bare truth was I wasn't fine at all. "I'm...okay."

"Oh, alright. I just wanted to know because you haven't been to the club in a while. I was worried about you."

Why would he be worried about me? We barely knew each other. But as I stared about the kitchen in the silence again, the memory of me calling him drifted in and so did the shame. No wonder he was calling me. If things were reversed, I'd be worried about him, too. 

"Thank you."

"I saw Ambrose the other day. He's been here at the apartment. It wasn't some big thing, he just stopped by with Tristan. I asked him about you, too, and he said something about your mother is in the hospital? That's why I'm calling. I wanted to make sure you're okay."

My mother? Then it hit me. 

"Oh. Yeah, its not my Mama. Its my...friend."

"Yeah. Your mother. That's what he said. I don't mean your mom-mom, I mean your drag mother? Like my Momma Penny. When he told me, I thought, 'oh god, if my Momma  Penny was in the hospital I wouldn't know what to do with myself' because she's my everything. So I had to call you."

Drag mother? I shook my head instinctively. Georgina wasn't my drag mother. If anybody had been, it had been Miss Paula. No, Georgina was...she was more than that to me. But it didn't feel right to say this to Tony. We weren't close enough. 

"Yeah, she's been in the hospital for about a month. Its been really hard."

"Is she okay? If you need to, you can talk to me about it. You need support."

This hit me, too. Like a barrage of hits. Each one making me more vulnerable. What did he know? You need support. But I silenced myself again. 

"Thank you. Really. She's improving, so I think its going to be okay."

I shook my head again. This conversation was making my situation too real. I had to stop it. It was like a light was shining through the kitchen window, illuminating what was really going on. 

He'd said Ambrose had been over at his place, too. Why? Why had he been over there? He hadn't mentioned going over to Tony's. It all made my head hurt, my heart beat too fast.

"Good, I'm glad. I hope things continue to improve."

I swallowed. "Yeah. Thanks, Tony. Well, I have to go. I have to...clean." Clean. That's the best excuse I could come up with. 

"Okay. Well, I hope to see you some time. Don't be a stranger."

"Yeah. Thanks. See you."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I got up to hang up the phone and stood next to the wall, my hand still on the receiver in its cradle. I laid my forehead on the yellow prairie wallpaper, remembering this had been my same pose the last time we had talked. Except this time, nobody was home to interrupt it. 

Ambrose had been over at Tony's the other day. Georgina was in the hospital. Miss Cha Cha was still crying at night. Pain was rolling into my head like fog over a valley. Now Tony knew things about my situation. It was embarrassing, but I didn't have any energy to be embarrassed. I didn't even have any energy to wonder about why Ambrose had been over at his place.

I was so tired. Too tired for this. 

Somehow, I found my way back to the chair and sat down. I laid my head into my arms and closed my eyes, trying to drown out all of these thoughts making me tired. 

I wasn't ready for this, people knowing. It made me feel too vulnerable. Calling Tony the first time had dug my own grave, but I hadn't expected him to call me back like this. I didn't want him to know. What gave Ambrose the right to tell him about what was going on? 

I sniffled, surprising myself. I didn't really want to cry right now, but everything... Tony calling and knowing on top of everything. He'd been intruding, making me uncomfortable but I couldn't tell him that. 

What I really wanted right now was to see Georgina, but she wasn't in her apartment anymore. She was in the hospital, hardly able to speak. She scared me yesterday. I was so scared. But I couldn't talk to anybody about it. Not least Ambrose, who was too busy doing god knows. He'd never even told me he'd been over at Tony's. 

My thoughts were beginning to be too scattered, but how was I supposed to calm down? I was all alone. I couldn't cope. 

Warmness was on my cheeks, tears that were seeping slowly. Its not like I hadn't cried about Georgina. But it hadn't been like this before. I didn't even know why I was crying anymore. It was all too much. I was losing it and there was nobody I could talk to about this. I couldn't bother Miss Cha Cha, she had enough on her mind. Ambrose was never here and was part of the problem on top of that. 

Maybe I'd been stupid with not talking to Tony. He'd offered. And now I was stupid. 

I sniffled, but it didn't help. I just cried into my arms, all alone. Silently because there was no point in making any noise. There was nobody here to hear me.