Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 99.3: 1995, Ruiz

Chapter 99.3: 1995, Ruiz

My hair was wet, the curls pressed to my head in damp. I hadn't wanted to get out of the shower, but the memory of Ambrose in there with me...washing me...made me get out as fast as I could. The warm water had just been too soothing on my skin, washing away everything or so I thought.

I just wanted everything to go away, and I had let Miss Cha Cha know it. As soon as I got out of the bathroom, my robe around me, she was waiting for me outside the door and I told her. I just wanted everything to go away... I just wanted my grandma, my Nana.

I wanted my grandma here, and nothing else. Nothing was going to make that go away.

Remembering her soft arms made me cry worse. Made me unable to form any words, other than one sentence that I couldn't seem to stop being able to say. I just wanted my grandma. That's all I wanted.

"I want my Nana," I was crying into Miss Cha Cha's chest, my head pressed against her shirt as we sat on the couch. Her arms were around me instead of my grandma's. "I just want my Nana..."

I wanted to hear my Nana's voice. Maybe if she defended Ambrose, trying to make me remember how good Ambrose used to be, then maybe it would be okay... Somebody... I wanted somebody to tell me Ambrose was still the same little boy. Then maybe...

"I know," Miss Cha Cha tried to soothe, smoothing my hair on my head for the millionth time.

"I want my Nana..."

"I know..."

I wanted to forget Miss Paula. Miss Kitty... I kept seeing her face. Remembering the scratchiness of her beard when I first met her, that smile. Somewhere deep inside, my heart wanted one of her walnut brownies and I couldn't- I couldn't deal-

My body rocked into new sobs, thinking about how kind Miss Kitty was. What Ambrose had told me... How could Miss Kitty... How could Miss Paula do that to- I couldn't...

Some days, I'd go over to their apartment. I'd see Ambrose. He'd be there. Miss Kitty would open the door and I'd smell the brownies in the oven. She'd act all surprised that I was there, act like she never expected to see me again like it was some big reunion in an old movie. She'd hug me. Ambrose would come and join in, and we'd be hugging each other in the doorway like some big happy...family...

And Miss Paula would be in her bedroom. The door shut. Eventually, when we were laughing and the TV would be on blaring, Miss Paula would come out smiling and ask us what the "big ruckus" was and Miss Kitty would invite her to play Old Maid or Rummy with us. They'd call us "kids" and sometimes Miss Paula would light a cigar. I loved that smell...the mysterious sweetness of her cigar mixing with the fresh brownie smell... I could still smell it and I didn't want to smell it.

I wanted my Nana to tell me that never happened. That it was all a dream, and that I was still twelve years old and Ambrose would be coming over. He'd make me eggs with cheese and we'd watch Saturday morning cartoons as my Nana went out to do errands. On days like that, she'd package up some sandwiches and chips and take them around to the ladies in her neighborhood who might need them. She was always doing stuff like that, calling it her "errands", like she was just going to the post office or the grocery store or something. I even remember her slapping the notice for free meals on the cork notice board at church, little strips of paper to tear away cut into the bottom.

I wanted her to come through the front door of Miss Cha Cha's place right now in the middle of her errands, tell her it was all a big mistake and she was taking me back to her house right now. Right this second. Say, that Ambrose was so worried about me.