Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 101.1: 1995, Ruiz

Chapter 101.1: 1995, Ruiz

What are you thinking of now, Ambrose? What are you thinking about?

I was on the couch. I couldn't bear to sleep in that bed that we had shared. Miss Cha Cha was sleeping on it now, and that was okay. The thought of Georgina sleeping on the bed just off the living room was comforting.

Miss Cha Cha's Hello Kitty comforter was wrapped around me, warming me but inside I was too... There was too much to cover up.

Tomorrow I had to go to work, and I couldn't imagine working. There was no way. Ambrose...

A long, heavy tear fell down my face and I didn't wipe it away. It was impossible to move. I was being crushed.

The bright sunlight from the living room's windows were filtering in. When my eyes opened, I'd closed them quickly because the sunlight struck them in just the wrong way, reflecting and hurting. A few seconds more, and I could hear somebody shuffling about in the kitchen.

Another second, and I realized it had to be Miss Cha Cha because the steps were sure footed.

Getting up, I let the Hello Kitty comforter fall off me. I started walking in a direction aimlessly. The sounds of Miss Cha Cha in the kitchen were punctuated by metal clicks, and I wondered what that sound was. Metal?

I found myself in the bathroom and I yawned hugely. My hand went into the medicine drawer, and rolling around in there I found what felt to be a Bic razor. There were always some new ones in there for multi-purpose use.

With my eyes still closed, I found the soap dispenser and lathered up my face. Not focusing, I was shaving and not caring about anything. Staring at myself because it was necessary.

With all the soap shaved off my face, I gave it another good lather and washed my face. It should have been refreshing but it wasn't.

When I exited the bathroom, something sizzled and the smell of bacon filled my nose immediately. Mmm. This smell. My eyes dragged along the wood of the floor as I smelled that smell, and I bumped into a kitchen chair after not too long.

"Oops! Careful!" Miss Cha Cha's voice came through.

"Sorry," I said quietly more to myself, and plopped down into the chair.

"I'm making bacon and eggs," she went on. She must not have heard me. "You like scrambled eggs? Remind me. I think I remember."

"Si, scrambled."

"Okay. I will make you two eggs. When do you have to go to work?"

"Um..."

Work. Oh... I didn't want to think about it. Those faces. I couldn't face it. Mean faces. Telling me not to talk, telling me to be here. I didn't want it.

My arms slumped at my sides, and she didn't see. My eyes studied the table cloth's yellow flower patterns. The tiny flowers looked so cheerful.

I heard the sound of an egg being hit against the counter, making me look up. Miss Cha Cha was dripping an egg into a pan with one hand. I watched this without another thought. A numbness. Drained feeling.

"Are you off today?"

Off. Was I off today?

"Um..."

My hands cupped my face, and I leaned on my elbows on the yellow flower table cloth, staring at Miss Cha Cha's long, light blue nightgown. Studying the ruffles at the square-cut neck of it.

Before I knew it I was saying words. "Um...are you going to work today?" Repetition. That's all it was.

"Oh, si. Si, I'm teaching the kids today. Morning class, ten o'clock. They're getting restless because Easter is next week, you know. Next week is going to be impossible. They'll just want the chocolate."

Kids. Chocolate.

"Oh. That sounds fun."

"It is. I'm going to have them play today. We're going to make a human chain and dance around the room. Not too serious. We will feel the rhythm of the music in our feet, I will get them to make steps of the rumba on my count. It will be a game. They already know how to do it, but we apply it."

A game. That sounded so fun.

I watched Miss Cha Cha poking at the pan she was working on. My eyes drifted down again, finding my hands on the table. I stared at them, wondering to myself.

I couldn't go to work today. I couldn't deal. Who was working today? Oh, but it didn't matter. I didn't want to face anybody. That awful silence from Alejandro. The chatter from Tony. And Tony...might ask me questions that I might never be able to answer. How is Ambrose? Did you see Ambrose?

My hands blurred in my vision. The little yellow flowers blended in with the table cloth like big mustard stains on white.

"Your eggs are done! So quick!"

My breath shuddered as the same tears from last night rolled down my cheeks. Miss Cha Cha's bunny heels clicked on the tile. My vision cleared only to cloud again, another tear taking the dropped one's place.

I saw Miss Cha Cha's hand under my face. Saw her finger go to my chin and lift it up. Felt that pressure. But I didn't care. I saw her face, but I didn't care. That expression on her face. I couldn't handle it.

"Ruiz." Her blurred face still looked sad. Sad for me...

"I'm sorry."

"Ruiz, you know what. If you don't have work, come to work with me."

My lip wobbled. No, I did have work, so...

"Those kids," she went on, across the table but still touching me gently. Gently...like a mother. It made my eyes pinch closed. "Those kids," she sighed. "They help me out when I'm sad, you know? They cheer me up. No matter what it is, they make me laugh, get angry, all these things. We need that sometimes, you know?"

I nodded, and her finger went away. I missed it already.

"Come to work with me," she said again. "I think your schedule is clear. Isn't it? I can't remember."

I pretended I couldn't remember, too.