Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 20.1: 1994, Georgina

Chapter 20.1: 1994, Georgina

 

I had a dream about them last night, Frankie. They were two and four. 

Nancy decided she wanted to be a flamingo all day, so I dressed her in pink. She wanted to know why flamingoes are pink. I said I didn't know. While we were playing in the yard, I asked her where her brother was. She said she didn't know.

I took her hand and we walked around the block, but we couldn't find little Frank. I became so panicked and kept telling her not to let go of my hand. 

Then I started to look for you and I couldn't find you either. I felt like the universe was going mad, but I kept holding onto Nancy's little hand. She was so calm. No four year old is that calm. I asked her if she knew where you were and she said maybe you were with little Frank. Maybe you took him to the movies. 

I thought, "maybe", too. But I needed to be sure. So we got into the blue Cadillac and took a drive downtown. I don't know what downtown in Hawaii looks like, so it looked a lot like Albany, near where I grew up. We pulled up in front of the movie theater, and there was a crowd gathered there. Nancy wanted to know what was going on and she got really excited, but I was afraid. I didn't want to lose her in the crowd, so I told her to stay in the car.

People were talking a lot and I couldn't hear what they were saying. I just shoved my way through them. They didn't want to let me through, being overly stubborn and not saying anything. I shoved through them like they were trees, hurting myself. 

And as they parted, what I saw...Frankie...oh god, what I saw...

Little Frank was on the ground, halfway on the curb. His face was gone, Frankie. It was just gone. Somebody ran him over. They ran over his face. I started screaming, saying I was his mother. Nobody came to help me, nobody came forward. I couldn't look at him and all I could think about was you. So I ran around the crowd, asking them if they knew you, if they knew where you could possibly be, if they had seen my kid's father.

This one guy...he said, "don't you know the story of Frankie Caselotti? Don't you?" Then he started laughing at me. I shook my head, but he just kept laughing. All I could hear was him laughing.

Frankie...I don't want any of this to be real. But I can't make those images go away. I want to imagine what you would do if I had a dream like that and you were here, but I don't have the strength to think about you that way anymore. I can't.

I'm so alone. I'm so alone, Frankie. What happened to my kids? Our kids? Why aren't we in Hawaii, like your father said? Why couldn't we be happy? 

Why did you have to...leave me? Why did you have to die?