Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 60.2: 1968, Georgina

Chapter 60.2: 1968, Georgina

Alone, I made it to my door and slid my key into the lock. Genesis had wanted to go out to eat after service was over, but I had declined. I was far too tired, too upset, to entertain him. Still, he'd seemed sympathetic. I couldn't say I didn't detect a concern in his voice. Maybe he'd wanted to talk, maybe that's what he meant. But I didn't have time for it. I just wanted everyone to go away, it all to go away. 

Talking. So much talking. Frankie said he wanted to talk to his brother. What was that supposed to mean? I knew how scared he was of him. Was he putting himself in danger? For me? I wasn't worth it. 

I threw open my door and lugged myself through, trying to think of a way to get him to stop it. Make him not need to talk to his brother. Trying to figure out a way to make all of this go away.

I couldn't admit to the fact that I'd snuck in four more drinks over the course of the night. He didn't see, but the guilt was packed on more than his disappointed eyes ever could give. I couldn't help it. I needed those drinks, to deal with Eddie and all of it. Maybe that's what Genesis had been getting at, wanting to take me out. Maybe that's what he'd wanted to talk to me about. I knew he'd seen me throwing back some shots, trying to hide it but not very well. At least I'd been able to hide it from Cha Cha.

I felt so ashamed. Look at where Paulie was for his vices and look at me. Was I slipping back off the wagon? All I knew was I felt out of control. Just having those five drinks was out of control, going against Frankie's and my policy. Two would have been okay even though it wasn't a special occasion. Not five. 

So I'd snuck out of the club, out of the kitchen door into the alley. Genesis had been in the bathroom, Frankie and Cha Cha were cleaning the tables. Maybe they were wondering where I'd gone right now. It hadn't been that long. 

I just wanted to go to bed, forget about all of this. Forget about Eddie calling me that word, what it could possibly mean to him. 

Trying not to think about it, I reached my bedroom and immediately slid back the mirrored doors of my closet. The top drawer of my bureau popped open with my effort and the slippery material of a French made nightgown met my fingers. Pulling it out, I recognized the delicate Chantilly lace on the bust, the unique shaping of the ivory silk gown, empire style but curved in to form fit but flared at the natural waist to lend womanly curves. 

This was Frankie's favorite, I knew that. He loved it on me. Adored it on me. 

Closing my eyes, I undressed and slipped the watery smooth feeling material over my head without looking at myself, too ashamed. Shuffling, I collapsed on my bed finally and closed my eyes on top of the too plush covers.

It couldn't have been too long later when I woke up. My mouth was completely parched, needing water very badly. I could still feel a slight buzz from my last two drinks, so this was a good indicator that not too much time could have passed. Even so, it was hard to get up. My arm wrapped over my eyes, trying to block out the blaring light from the fixture above my bed. One of the three bulbs was burnt out, making the other two appear as bright eyes staring at me. Accusing.

Prompted by the guilty feeling, I slowly got up from my bed, stretching. My mouth and throat were nagging me on top of this. It felt like there was cotton in my mouth, hard to swallow. 

Making my way across my living room, the bright lights from outside descending over my nightgown making a sheen. It would have been pretty if I hadn't been feeling so down. The feelings from earlier were returning with every step. The lights mixed with the yellow light from my bedroom, creating a unique glow.