Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 31.2: 1967, Georgina

Chapter 31.2: 1967, Georgina

Sitting at Paulie's table, I tapped my nails in a rhythm on top of the red Formica as I waited for him to wake up. Earlier, Carl had come by for Cha Cha, who was still very shaken. He wouldn't tell Carl why he was so upset, but I decided I'd tell him later.

Paulie was asleep on the couch he had perched on last night. He hadn't even looked at me sitting at the table before he laid down from his sitting position and fallen asleep.

I had gotten no sleep, the only person in this apartment who hadn't. As a result, I was dead tired, my head wanting to rest on top of the Formica, but I resisted. This was too important to sleep through. I had to catch Paulie right when he woke up, or else I feared the impact would not have as much effect. But I was so tired, the table beckoning me to lay my head down.

Paulie groaned and I turned my head as he rolled off the couch with a satisfying thud. Moaning, his hand went over his head and began to massage a spot on his crown. I decided not to speak, just let him see me when he saw me, whenever that could be.

He rolled over on the carpet and began crawling, entering the hallway on all fours. It was interesting to me, because I'd never seen him after a night of heavy drug use before. I wondered as the bathroom door closed if this is what he looked like in the mornings with Avi. Little thoughts started to invade my angry mind as to whether or not this was how things really went down for him whenever Avi came over. What exactly did they do together?

Something inside of me found itself wanting to call out to him, but I stopped myself almost as if a hand were pressing against my weakening train of thought. What was it inside that wanted to comfort him all of a sudden? But I couldn't falter, not now. I had to think about what had happened last night, with Cha Cha. Maybe it was my drowsiness, causing me to weaken my resolve. That had to be it.

The water turned on inside the bathroom, and I laid my head on the table, filling with frustration at myself. He seemed to be in there a long time, which was worse for me because I could not turn off these thoughts, and therefore I kept thinking about him and Avi together, about what they did. What could Paulie possibly be thinking during those...what were they? Sessions?

He began moaning to himself in the bathroom as he moved heavily, the booming sounds betraying his modest frame. To me, he sounded really messed up. Slowly, my face fell from angry to ashamed as I realized how some days I didn't care what I did or said, just surviving for some unknown reason. His loud movements reminded me how I'd make those same sounds after a long night of binging, the sick and pain from the lingering night pounding my brain and belly like fire and rolling rocks together.

Was he feeling that right now? Who was I, of all people, to judge him this way?

Would I have done the same if I was still...?

Cha Cha's face flashed to my mind. Rage filled my eyes. His little terrified voice snuck into my brain, his fear absolute. How he must have felt, alone with a stranger as police did god knows what to me, knowing awful things were happening just beyond the beaded doorway. What had he seen? Had Sasha explained to him what was going on as it happened? How did it affect him, really? What was he thinking now, with Carl?

Any sympathy was flushed from my body with these thoughts. Every movement I heard from the bathroom refilled me with rage, the shower now going and water rushing to the floor of the bathtub as Paulie moved around in there. I wanted to go in there, rip the shower curtain away and beat him, naked, for what he had done.

But something tiny inside of me, scared and small, shrank and caused me not to move. It was frightened of myself, my rage, what I wanted to do to my best friend.