Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 75.4: 1995, Ruiz

Chapter 75.4: 1995, Ruiz

It wasn't comfortable under my covers. There was no comfort anywhere.

I'd scrubbed my skin raw, but my hair was still intact. She'd left me alone once I'd agreed to take a bath. I'd more than half feared she'd scrub me down herself but mercifully she'd left the bathroom. However, this was not before she'd ordered me to wash myself clean, who knew where I'd been.

In the bath, I'd sniffled. I'd felt so trapped. There was one thing I knew, and I didn't know where the courage was coming from: I wasn't going to take out my hair. Ambrose had done my hair so I couldn't do it. Everything else she wanted I did, but not that. I'd washed myself, waited just inside the bathroom door, and upon hearing the house silent I wrapped a towel around myself and ran to my room.

Now in my bed, I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten anything all day, but I was too scared to go to the kitchen. She was out there somewhere, maybe sitting at the kitchen table, maybe in her room with the door open. Zorro was out there, too, and if I came out of my room she might start barking. One of us would have to take her out later and I dreaded it would have to be me.

My tummy grumbled as the sounds in the hallway started. My entire body tensed and I pulled the covers tighter around my head.  The footsteps were heavy, slow. My Mama's footsteps. Panic set in.

When she knocked on the door, I was completely still, my fear response convinced that I could trick her into thinking I wasn't in here. But she knew I was in here. I was being stupid, stupid hopeful.

"Ruiz. Its dinner time," she called out, no emotion in her voice.

Confusion came over me. How she could come tell me it was dinner time like that after she yelled at me, forced me into the bath like a child in trouble, said and did all those things. But it occurred to me immediately that if I didn't respond, didn't go out there, then what would she do? Would she start up again? My heart started to beat wildly at this thought.

"U-uno momento, por favor," I called back, unsure what to do, because I'd just remembered my hair. My hair was still done up, the specific thing she'd wanted me to wash away. I rubbed my face into my pillow, knowing she'd also wanted me to wash off my remaining make-up, even Miss Cha Cha's touch. Like Miss Cha Cha was a dirty person. Like she thought the people I loved were dirty people. What did she think-

"Ruiz, now," she exasperated, still outside the door. It made me jump again shamefully.

"Okay," I called back, still uncertain. There was only one thing to really do.

Slowly, I rose up from my bed and curled away the bed covers. More slowly, I made my way to the door, a vision of Ambrose smiling apprehensively at me in front of my face. His tentative fingers in my hair at first, growing with confidence with each weaving motion.

My hand was on one of my braids when I opened the door.

"I ordered a pi-" she stopped.

We stared at each other. One moment turned to two moments...then three. Her expression was one of mild shock, disbelief. The smell of pizza drifted into my room, and one whiff told me she'd only thought of herself again but my belly was too hungry to care.

Suddenly she swung the door all the way open, making me close my eyes in response. Without words, she pointed at the kitchen and with no emotion I followed it, walking past her, my heart pounding.

On the table was her favorite pizza like I thought, paper plates set up like usual. It said so many things at once. And staring at it, I realized something profound: