Audrey Hepburn's Pearls: Part I

Chapter 44.1: 1995, Ruiz

Chapter 44.1: 1995, Ruiz

 

"I don't know what to do anymore about any of it." My head was in my hands, still smelling like his cucumber melon hand cream. I wanted to shake my hands until it went away, but that wouldn't solve anything.

"Tell me what happened?" The car came to a stop and I peeked through my hands, feeling fear. But we weren't home yet, just at a stoplight. Such relief. Then dread. The relief told me how I didn't want to go to his home anymore, my true feelings. I buried my face into my hands again, trying to ignore his scent.

"I don't know. I really don't. We were walking, and he kissed me and I wanted to shove him away. I tried to shove him away. Then I did. So I ran away."

"Why did you shove him?" This didn't sound accusing, but it scared me as if it was, making me shrink.

"I shoved him because...I feel like he's somebody else that I didn't fall in love with. He's not who I thought he was."

Silence. She didn't seem to have any words for it. I didn't blame her. Not after what I'd told her a few days ago about what he had done at Tunnel. It was evident she was looking at him differently like I was, his actions causing even more unpredicted problems, causing her pain. I could only feel responsible as the bearer of bad news, and it was killing me inside.

I breathed in hard, trying not to cry again. But my nose just got full of his awful cucumber melon. My body wanted to gag.  "I'm sorry, do you have any hand lotion or spray, something?" I needed to mask his smell. I couldn't stand it.

"Sure, in the glovebox." 

Eager, my hands undid the glovebox hastily. It dropped open, and I saw immediately the bottle she was talking about towards the back. But as I pulled it out I became weak. Disgusted. 

"Oh. No, that's the spray he got you for Christmas," I said quietly, putting it back.

"Sorry. Then I don't know. I might have lotion in my purse." She sounded truly apologetic. It made me feel even worse. 

"No, that's okay. I don't need it that much."

"Alright."

Instead, I decided to sit on my hands. We continued to ride along, not a word between us for a while. I watched the city going past us, the familiar stores and colors. At another stoplight, I sighed, settling into my seat. The snow was falling all around, no longer white out conditions but people were hurrying on the sidewalks, some with bright umbrellas. There were even a couple of idiots in the street itself, trying to walk easier but dangerous.

"Did you come straight to Georgina's when you left him?"

Huh?

"What?" I had become distracted, watching people walking. My face turned to Miss Cha Cha's. She was staring straight ahead of course, the snow slippery and perilous as she lead the car along. She shoved a bunch of thick black curls from her eyes that had wandered in front of her face and leaned forward, even more intent on our path. Her hair was tied cutely today in a yellow bandana like little rabbit ears in a sort of headband. It matched her purse. I watched the rabbit ears turn as she checked the side mirror.

"When you left Ambrose. Did you come right to Georgina's?" she turned to me for a second, giving me a very serious and caring expression. Her brick red lips were curled down in a sort grimace, I thought. Brick red, like Selena always wore. I sighed again, remembering how much Ambrose loved Selena, too. 

"No. I went to Central Park, actually."

"Central Park?" Her eyebrows lifted. "Why did you go there?"

"I don't know..." I curled a little in on myself, leaning over in my seat, suddenly shy. "I wanted to see the fountain."

"Which one?" The car turned down a street, and I leaned with it. 

"Oh. The Bethesda fountain. I always liked the cherubs on it. I like the sound of the water falling, too. But the lady on top. I really like the lady on top. I don't know why, but I really wanted to see it."

"Did you see it?"

I breathed out, studying the tan colored floor of the car. It was so clean, unlike so many cars I'd been in. This car really was her baby. 

"Yeah, but. I kind of forgot it was Winter? Kind of funny, considering its the blizzard of '95 out here, you know? I don't know why I expected the water to be running and the water to be all...not frozen and snow covered. You know?"

"I'm sorry it wasn't running."

"Its okay. I saw the lady anyway. I kind of sat there for a while on the edge of the fountain. Nobody else was there for once and it was really peaceful. It let me think. I was really cold, but I didn't care."

"Did it make you feel better at all?" We slowed down again, coming to a crawl. I looked up. We were at an intersection with a lot of slush. No wonder. 

"It made me feel a little better. I was really angry at myself, though."

"Why?" 

I breathed out again, and stared at the pleats of my white skirt, feeling shame. "Because...I missed Ambrose."

She sighed and I looked at her face. She was nodding her head slowly. "Of course you did. Just because he's different doesn't mean your feelings will go away."

"That's true. I guess I didn't think about it that way."

"What would you do if we got home and he was there?"

I pinched my eyes shut, thinking about this. What would I do if he was there? I honestly had no idea. "I don't know. And really...I'm sorry that you have to be in the middle of this."

"Oh, don't worry about me. I'm just worried about you. But also about him."

I felt a little shocked about that last part, but then I realized I shouldn't have been surprised. Of course she'd be worried about him, too. But I couldn't help but feel a little bit betrayed. 

"You're worried about him?" I started to fumble with the hem of my skirt, an old nervous habit. 

"Yeah. I've been thinking about him for the last few days since you told me about everything. I think..." she sighed deeply, "don't you think there's something going on with him? He wouldn't do all that. You know him even better than I do. He doesn't seem like he'd do all that, does he?"

I shook my head, closing my eyes again. I really didn't know. But I knew one thing for sure. 

"But he did, Miss Cha Cha. He did."

"But why? Why would he do those things?"

My hands gripped the sides of my leopard print seat, trying to stabilize myself in this so wrong world. "That's what I've been trying to figure out all week."