Remedy | 𝘌𝘳𝘦𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘢

01. Escape

tw || self harm, suicide attempt

Note : The whole story will be narrated in Mikasa's point of view. I highly apologize for all the grammatical and typographical errors you will encounter in this chapter and the next chapters.

The sun shone on my face and it interrupted my slumber. I am having a great rest and a light is just gonna destroy it? Just wow.

I live in a simple apartment. One bedroom, one bathroom, a small kitchen which is adjacent to the living room. The rent is really cheap so I decided to stay here.

I sat up and slightly rubbed my eyes. Today is Sunday so I don't have work today. I work in a nearby coffee shop as a cashier. I earn money, enough to pay for my daily needs and bills.

I stood up and got out of my bedroom, instead, I went to the bathroom to gargle. And once I am done, I went to the kitchen to get cereal and milk. I pour in a decent amount of cereal and milk in the bowl and get a spoon on a drawer.

"Why do I have so many spoons and forks when I live alone?" I asked myself. Yeah it doesn't make sense so I just ate my breakfast.

"Maybe this is where it really ends."

Great, now I am thinking of that suicidal Eren bastard. But I just can't hate him because he tried to do that, he is in pain like I am in pain too. I guess his pain is worse than mine for him to think about suicide.

But I once tried that too...

I slightly hit my head to divert my thoughts into something better. But my mind went blank. I don't know what to think, what to do anymore. I peeked on the window and saw children playing happily while being guarded by their mothers.

I never had that type of childhood. Playing outside, going to the market with my mother, taking a stroll with my father. Because they were gone too fast. So I lived in an orphanage until last year. And now, I have been living by myself for one year.

I continued on watching the kids while eating. Thinking, if my parents didn't die, would I experience the same childhood as theirs? Or maybe a better one?

When I am with my bestfriend, Sasha, I feel like I am the happiest person in the world, I feel contented. But whenever I am alone, loneliness and emptiness always crept through me. I am not greedy, but something is just missing...

I would always think, I was happy just five minutes ago..why would it turn to loneliness again?

I feel bad for that Eren guy. He doesn't want to end his life, he just wants to end the pain. And he thinks that by ending his life, all the pain will be gone already. That was what I thought too...

"Fucking cruel. This world is so cruel to me. Can't it see that I am already so miserable? It just keeps on adding up." I cried loudly as I watch the calm night.

I looked at the knife in my hand. Is this worth it? Am I still gonna feel the pain if I am already in the moon or just beside it? Am I gonna be the happiest there?

And so one slit, I cried. I was about to wound myself again, but someone pulled the knife away from my hands. I looked at him, I didn't get the chance to see his face because he is wearing a cap.

"Don't do what you're thinking. It's not worth it." He said and left with my knife.

Day by day, that moment will always play on my mind. And day by day, I have been considering to try it again, and whenever I remember that scenario, I would always end up rejecting what my mind is telling me to do.

I reject it, even if every night, I have nightmares of my parents' murder. Even if I always wake up in the middle of the night just to cry. Even if every time I am alone, the darkness is getting through my whole sanity. Even if I always feel tired. Because..I want to find my reason to live.

I always tell myself that I, myself is already a reason to live. But I just can't see myself as one. And I already feel sorry for the pillows I wet with my tears. For the blankets I use to muffle my cries. And I feel sorry for me.

When I am done eating, I brought the empty bowl and used spoon to wash them. My mind is blank right now. My focus in things is just too bad.

I finished washing the dishes so I went to the bathroom again to brush my teeth. I looked at the small scar on my wrist and ran my fingers through it.

"Mikasa, stop reminiscing and focus." I told myself and started brushing my teeth. And once I am done, I rinsed off the bubbles on my mouth and my lips. I slightly damped a dry towel on my lips to dry them and went directly to shower.

I felt the warm water running through my ivory skin. I put shampoo on my hair and lightly massaged it for minutes. I put body soap on my body sponge and cleaned my body. And once I was done, I rinsed off the bubbles on my hair and body.

When all the bubbles and soap were gone, I grabbed the towel and wiped my wet body to at least dry it a little. I also wrapped my hair in it, and covered my body with a white robe. I went out of the bathroom and went to my bedroom to pick out my clothes and dress up.

I chose a pastel-pink simple casual loose dress and wore simple slippers that goes with it. I let my short jet black hair untied.

One of the caretakers in the orphanage said that a simple stroll is already a form of therapy to ease my mind.

There, I saw a familiar figure feeling the warm air on his skin while closing his eyes. I wonder..in that calm-looking outside, how much pain is he hiding inside?

I continued walking like I never saw him. Until he called my name.

"Mikasa..", he called me.

I faced him and walked until I was beside him already.

"I see you are doing some kind of therapy here." I said.

"No. This is how I reminisce." He answered.

"Eren, the more you reminisce, the more you get hurt." I told him. We both looked at each other.

"The more I try to escape my past, the more the pain gets deeper and out of hand. I have been doing this for almost three years already but it just doesn't seem to work." He smiled but pain is still visible in those lips.

"You have a point but I prefer forgetting and leaving everything behind. And it just doesn't seem to work." I also smiled and there is also pain in it.

There is always pain reflecting in my face even if I smile, or laugh. There will always be that feeling of emptiness.

____________________________________________________________________________

Here comes the late night updates...again! HSHSHSHSHS. Take care and stay safe everyone! Remedy : Chapter One is done! Chapter Two is next!♡