Remedy | 𝘌𝘳𝘦𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘢

02. Unanswered Questions

"This is your house?" I asked him and he nodded. "Then why don't you live here? This house is beautiful, Eren."

"No. It's just not really helpful for me." He answered and flashed a fake smile.

"Don't smile if it's fake." I told him and rolled my eyes.

"Why? I'm trying to---", I cut him off with a deep sigh.

"Fake smiles won't make you look happy. It will make you look pitiful. Why don't you give me a tour around the house?" I suggested.

Their house is simple but modern. We walked around the house until I felt a small piece of steel. I accidentally stepped on it. When I looked down, it's a bullet. A goddamn bullet. I picked it up and showed him.

He stayed silent.

"Hey, can't you see? There is a bullet in your house. Is someone sending you threats?" I asked him. Am I giving him more anxiety?

"It's the bullet used when the culprits tried to shoot me but missed. It hit the vase instead." He said and took the bullet from my hand.

"Why did you keep it?" I asked him like he did something crazy.

"Souvenir." He chuckled at least it's genuine.

"So you got jokes on you too. You are insane." I said and chuckled with him. At that moment, our chuckles were both genuine.

"Why don't you live here?" I asked him.

"I can't. And I don't want. I won't. Ever." He said and sat on the sofa.

"Oh wow. You got so much grudge against this house. It's beautiful here. What is wring here?" I said.

"Why don't we take a stroll near the river?" He suggested. He is avoiding my question so it means he doesn't want me to know, and pushing it won't help him.

______

"I am sorry I was impolite earlier. I didn't answer your question." He smiled an apologetic smile.

"It's okay. Sometimes, some questions should just remain unanswered. You know?" I said and looked at the great view while walking.

"Do you have friends?" He asked.

"I only have one. And her name is Sasha. How about you?" I asked him back. Sasha is such a kind woman, and I will always be proud and thankful to have her.

"Armin. But we were slowly drifting apart. I understand him, because I was also the one who pushed him away when he just wanted to help. Does she know about your condition?" He asked again.

"No. I don't want to drag her into my mess. This is my mess. I will be the one to fix it. She shouldn't and wouldn't be involved." She doesn't know about how I feel but she always makes effort to comfort me if I show sadness.

"Who knows about your condition then?" Why does he have so many questions slipping out of his mouth?

"One caretaker in the orphanage I lived in and you." I answered honestly. Miss Petra is almost at the same age as me, and she helped me a lot but she is already married and already has her own life. I won't bother her anymore.

"I see I am your safety heaven." He smirked.

"Shut up. Don't be so full of yourself." I said and we both laughed. "Oh I have to go home."

"Take care." He said and so I left first. I know he is watching me leave. He is watching me walk away. I looked back to confirm my assumptions, and yes he is there. He even waved his hand as goodbye but I just turned my back on him.

______

Now I am back here in my house. I don't call it home. Because it never felt like one. And it will never feel like one.

So Eren and I spent hours just taking a stroll? I left the house at 8AM and I am back here at 3PM. I spent so many hours laughing with him. I smiled at the thought.

It's..so genuine. So sincere and true.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and my face turned into a frown. Happiness slowly leaving my eyes. Lips turning into a sad curve.

A tear escaping my left eye. And then the next one and the next. Until I was crying already. Badly. Madly. Truly. I was crying so bad that I have to cover my mouth to muffle the loud sounds my cries cause.

Why do I suddenly feel so empty when just minutes ago, I am feeling so full and happy? So fulfilled? What is happening to me?

And those questions remained as unanswered questions. For years.

____________________________________________________________________________

Please be happy you are here in this world, breathing fine. Because I am. I'm very much happy and thankful you exist!♡