Remedy | 𝘌𝘳𝘦𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘢

28. Wish

It has been three weeks since that trip with Eren, Armin, and Annie. I took out my notebook and a pencil to sketch. I am going to draw what I remember from the places we visited. I started moving my hands slowly and carefully. I will try to draw this on a canvas and then paint it so I can hang something on my wall except for my diploma from when I graduated SSB.

Today is my lazy day. I am wearing a pastel oversized hoodie and a shorts. I am also wearing my specs today just for fun. I closed my eyes to force myself to remember the view, but I saw nothing. I haven't drawn many so I erased it. There aren't any marks.

I tried to think of a scene that I clearly remember. Then an idea suddenly popped up in my mind. I started sketching. A man and a woman, holding each other tightly while dancing to the rhythm, also feeling the cold breeze on their skin. I remembered that because their love feels so genuine that time.

"Well, this isn't really a slow song but we can dance to it. Slowly." He said and held my hand before holding waist as I put my hands on his shoulder. We are still wearing the clothes we were wearing from my graduation earlier up to now.

"I love dancing with you. In a parking lot, or in a public beach in front of a bonfire. I love doing this with you." He smiled at my statement and held me tighter.

He scooted me closer to his chest, we are now hugging while dancing in front of a blazing fire. Sharing each others' warmth through warm gestures. I leaned my head on his chest while he placed his head on top of mine.

He removed his grip from me and took a box. He handed it to me and smiled. The somg still continued on playing as I was opening the box.  A photo album...

I opened it and saw compilations of my stolen solo pics, even our pictures together were present. I smiled at it, and slightly teared up.

"You look so beautiful. And you always look gorgeous unintentionally. So if you don't appreciate yourself at times, look at this and remembered that I am here who did so much effort to take pictures of a beatiful sight in front of me named Mikasa Ackerman." He smiled. I smiled too, tears are now falling in a continuous manner.

"You kept a lot of photographs of me." I said and he nodded.

"You are even more beautiful in person than in those pictures, tho." He said and looked at my eyes. I looked at his too, and saw adoration in it.

"I promise, there was no day I never wondered how does it feel to be loved by an Ackerman? How would your lips feel against mine? And I guess, there won't be a loss if we try." And there, he leaned in for a kiss. I never wasted a second and immediately kissed back. It felt like we have always wanted to share this intimacy before. And all the bottled feelings exploded tonight. I would never regret to go further.

Waves of regret started filling up my whole being. Why am I feeling this? I left him just to regret it afterwards. Just to miss him. I sighed and put my pencil down. This is not right. If I regret it then I should at least have a proper conversation with him. I should at least ask him for a coffee so we can drink while we talk. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my palm.

I just wish to not wish for him again.

______

This isn't my thing. The loud music is either irritating or fun. But mostly irritating. Loud and crowded places aren't great for me. As well as drinks. But here I am, trying to get wasted. Life is short so I should live it to the fullest. I am gonna add more things to my book of life.

"Another one." I tried not to stutter. The bartender gave me another. I drank it and slightly flinched due to the bitter taste and the burning sensation in my throat as I swallow it. Disgusting. But I am hard-headed so I will keep on drinking.