Remedy | 𝘌𝘳𝘦𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘢

05. Gloomy Sky

"I just hate the fact that I need someone just to be happy. I just want to be happy even if I am alone. I just want to be independent." I told him as we both sat on the wooden bench.

"You can soon, you know? You will finally see yourself as your happiness soon." He said and smiled at me. He held my hand tightly and looked at my eyes.

"Why do we always tell that to each other? When we can't even apply it to ourselves? Isn't it unfair and too bad?" I smiled bitterly.

"I can be your human diary. Come on, tell me your pain and regrets." He said and put an arm on my shoulder. He used his other hand to lean my head on his shoulder. At first, it was weird but as minutes pass by, I got comfortable.

"Well, I would be delighted to have you as my human diary. A diary who shares the same pain as me. Or maybe even worse. Maybe my pain is just nothing and I am just too sensitive." I chuckled.

"Don't underestimate the pain you are feeling right now. We have different kinds of pain. And we have different ways to cope. You are suffering right now you are not too sensitive." He said, sadness in his voice.

That is the same thing Sasha told me.

"I am probably just too emotional, Sasha." I cried so hard on her shoulder.

"Hey..don't belittle the pain you are feeling as of now. People have different painful stories and that is how you cope with yours! You are not too sensitive!" I heard her deep sigh and she hugged me tighter to comfort me.

"The sky is gloomy today." I smiled bitterly. He then caressed my hair then held me tighter in his arms. Is he doing this because we share the same pain?

______

Eren and I have been busy with our own lives that we don't get to spend much time anymore. The last time we saw each other was also the last time it rained. I have been busy with school and work, I am always exhausted to even visit that small cottage.

My mental breakdowns have been decreasing, and some nightmares fade now. I don't always feel the same anxiety anymore, but the same pain is still there. It even multiplied.

Here I am right now in front of my window looking at the children who are playing joyfully. Their happiness visible on their faces. Their mothers watching them carefully.

A paper plane suddenly hit my window which caused me to jump off a little bit. A blonde girl waved her hands on me and picked up the paper plane which I think she owns. Historia just bothered my relaxation.

I stood up and went to the door to open it. She was alreay in front of it that it shocked me. How did she get here so fast?

"Well I guess my strategy to get your attention worked. Give me a tour around your house!" She said and went inside my house. I have no choice but to close the door and let her be.

"How did you even get my address?" I asked her. Yeah, how did she even get it?

"Manager Reiner Braun gave it to me because I asked him about it. Isn't he kind?" She smiled.

"Are you two a thing?" I asked. She suddenly laughed hard. Okay fine, my assumption is wrong!

"I have Ymir, Mikasa." She smiled.

"Wow, I guess he's---", she cut me off with another laugh. What is wrong with her? Is she crazy?

"Ymir is a she, Mikasa. What? Do you think I am straight?" She smirked.

"Oh, yeah you kind of have a point." I said and sat on the sofa while watching her walk around the house. Minutes later she came out of my room, talking to someone in the phone hurrying to go outside.

"Promise I'll be there in time‐--bye Mikasa! See you on work!" I was about to stand up but she already left and closed the door. I guess she has a date with Ymir.

I saw a book, and out of my curiosity, I picked it up. I guess this was left by the landlady when she last visited me to collect my monthly rent. Mrs. Kirschtein is a kind lady. She would bring me lunch whenever she pays a visit.

But my curiosity ended and boredom took over. Reading a book is not really my fetish so I just decided to watch a movie. Well, that is my only resort. I don't want to be bored the whole day!

While scrolling through Netflix, I found nothing. Now how am I supposed to relieve this boredom? Why do I have such a boring life and personality? Can't I just be more of a fun person? I turned the television off and just wrapped myself up in a comforter thinking of what I should do. I don't have the appetite to eat. I don't have a fetish for books. I don't really like movies. I don't like getting too much information about celebrities in magazines.

Watching is not my last resort, I still have sleeping. And so I took a throw pillow and placed it below my head, while I am still wrapped in a comforter. I was about to lie down and sleep but I stood up to lock the door first and went back to the sofa.

I cozied up and rocked myself to sleep. And the rain started to pour. The sky is gloomy again, huh? The atmosphere grew colder, and it is now the best weather for sleeping.

"How are you?" A voice of a man said. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I can't see his face. He is wearing a cap that is very familiar to my sight. His voice. I heard it somewhere already..I think I know him.

I was about to remove his cap but a roaring thunder woke me up from my slumber. It is my first time dreaming about a man. That voice..the cap. The man who saved me from dying. The man who prevented me from killing myself.

"Shit. I was about to know him." I said with full of devastation and disappointment. I want to know him.

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You are loved, you are one of a kind. Thank you for existing! Keep on living.

With all the love, Y.M Jaeger♡