The Other One(STOPPED WRITING)

Chapter 43: I didn't mean to...

I don't even know what I'm doing here.
I just know, that I have a target.
I have no idea who I am, or where I'm from.
But, I guess, my work has been a gift to mankind.
I don't even remember doing anything.
And I didn't even know who I could trust.
All they did was cause pain to me, but I guess it's probably normal.
I wouldn't know.
I'm so confused.
I'm sitting on the side of the road, waiting for a yellow car.
They'd showed it to me.
I guess, now, was to wait.
I look down at myself. I was dirty, and my left arm fake.
Some sort of metal.. I think.
It looks weird.
And feels weird, too.
I could control it, but it was just odd.
I watch a few cars pass by, here and there, but none the car I had to find.
I stand up, in the middle of the road, looking down the street.
And that's when I see it.
The yellow car, coming up.
I guess the driver doesn't see me, because he almost slams right into me.
But, he ends up stopping.
My next task?
..
Kill him.
I was told he was a criminal, but I don't even know what he did.
But if I asked too many questions, I'd be punished.
I walk over to the side of the car, and rip open the door.
The man is trembling, as if he were cold, and his face, panicked.
I had to get this done with.
The sooner, the better... I think.
I didn't have to acquire anything, I just had to do this.
I reach out my left arm, the odd one, and reach toward his neck.
But just before he does, he asks, "Who are you?"
His voice, scared.
Who am I?
What kind of question is that?
I'm-
...
My name is.......
I don't-
Who am I?
I pause, almost forgetting my task.
But then go back to it... killing the man.
And there he sat, in the middle of the road in his car, lifeless.
It didn't feel right.
It didn't... but I had to.
It was okay, right?
He's.. he's a bad guy... right?
I quickly leave the scene.
But, who am I?
"Sarah." I hear.
"Sarah, wake up." I hear.
Sarah?
Is that who I am?
"Wake up!"
...
I gasp, sitting up fast.
My breathing was heavy, and I tried to catch it.
I hated nightmares.
I hated remembering.
I didn't even realize it, but I was crying again.
And, I woke Loki up.
"Are you alright? You were trembling and crying..." Loki asks.
And I still am.
"No, no I-." I try to speak to him, but I'm basically choked up on tears.
The words won't come out of my mouth.
I couldn't say it, and I didn't want to admit it.
Because the dream was probably true.
I mean, they always are, I think.
If they feel that real....
Loki, cautiously, wraps me in a hug, and I'm basically crying into his shoulder now.
He looked a bit scared as to why I was being like this.
I wanted to tell him what the dream was about, but the words wouldn't come out.
"What was it?" He asks calmly, "What happened?"
I really didn't want to admit it.
"I- I didn't m-mean to." I answer, and that's all that managed to come out of my mouth.
Loki rubs his hand up and down on my arm, trying to comfort me as I cry into his shoulder.
"It's going to be alright, okay?" He says.
But I still felt terrible.
Like there was a whole in my heart.
I'd killed so many people, and that was just one of them.
I hated this.
"I didn't want to kill anyone." I cry, but it's muffled considering I'm still crying into his shoulder.
"I know. I know." He says, hugging me a bit tighter.
I wish I didn't remember.
Unlike Bucky, I didn't want to remember my past.
It would make everything worse.
I'd miss people.
And I'd feel so much more guilt and pain than before.
I didn't want that.
I wanted to make new memories to remember.
Not sucky ones.

My body was still trembling, and I was still wrapped in an embrace, but I wasn't crying anymore.
Suddenly, Loki gets up and goes to the kitchen.
I was confused as to why, since it was nearly 3:57 in the morning.
I leaned back against the wall, sitting up in the bed, trying to calm the trembling in my body.
But it just wouldn't work.
In the kitchen, Loki was making something, but I could even see what it was.
It was really dark.
Trembling, I walk over to one of the large windows, and sit on a chair that was next to it.
I wouldn't go back to bed after this.
I was afraid that my dream would continue.
I heard Loki calling to wake up in my dream, so obviously my memory was disrupted.
I didn't wanna go back to it.
Soon, Loki comes over to sit on the chair next to mine.
He had something in his hands, but I still couldn't see what it was.
He reaches out to hand it to me, and I take it.
It was hot, and in a cup, so it was obviously a drink.
"It's tea." He says as if he could read my mind.
I take a sip of the tea, and it was soothing.
It was sugarless, but still nice.
"My mother would make me tea whenever I was feeling down, or I was afraid, when I was a child."Loki explains.
I smile, at how thoughtful this was.
But the 'when I was a child' just hit hard.
He didn't consider himself a child anymore, and neither did I.
Even though we were just as lost as children are.
Deep down, we were still children. Even if we didn't feel like it anymore.

"Thank you." I say, sipping the tea.
It was still snowing outside, and it seemed to glisten on the ground from the moonlight.

I seemed too lucky, I though a lot.
Well, not exactly lucky, but lucky to have someone who understands my emotions, I guess.
Sure, Bucky did, but he wasn't anywhere near me right now.
I didn't have him to turn to in the middle of the night, when I was panicking.
But I had Loki, for now.
And I guess, in a way, that's enough.
I only need one person.
One person who could help me, in at least the smallest way possible.
Loki.