The Other One(STOPPED WRITING)

Chapter 73: I have to go...

"What did you say?" He asks, confused, as the tears still fall from his face.
"Me." I answer.
I think Bucky and Steve are both right. And I didn't even expect them to be.
"Why would you love me?" He questions.
I shrug, "I don't know why. I just.. I think I do."
Why was it so hard to talk about this. If he wants to know why I think I love him, then he's out of luck. I have no idea why.
"You're just saying that to make me feel better about myself." He mutters.
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are." He tries to convince me.
"Loki, why won't you believe me when I say it?"
"Because you don't mean it."
Well, this is way worse than I thought. He really doesn't believe somebody could love him. He refused to let somebody say "I love you" to him. He thinks it's either a joke, or I don't mean it.
"I mean it." I tell him, but he's not convinced.
"Shh. You don't." He says, basically telling me not to say it again.
He didn't even want me saying it. God, whoever raised him to hate himself like this, needs a good "talking" to.
And I was about to say something else to him, until I was hearing something again.
I wouldn't get too attached, if I were you.
Shit.
I let go of Loki, and he looks at me confused. Oh my God, how is he getting in my head?
"Are you alright?" Loki asks.
"No." I say, grasping my head.
"What is it?"
"He's in my head again!" I exclaim.
Now, I can't exactly see you, but I know you can hear me. Am I correct?
"Your father?"
I nod, "God, what does he want from me!?"
What does he even want from me, but to murder more people? It doesn't make sense to me.
"Oh my God, what if he can say those words and- and I'll.. I'll lose control?" I panic.
What if he makes me kill Loki this time?
"That won't happen." Loki tries to assure me.
"But what if it does? What if he makes me kill you this time?" I look up at him, and he could see the pure terror in my eyes.
"We'll get them to help you, before that could happen."
"But the machine isn't ready, they're still preparing."
Loki sighs, not knowing what else to say.
Let's make this easier for the both of us.
"He keeps talking to me."
Come back to me, or I'll force you to. And, you know, you'll have to kill people in your way too.
Oh my God, I have no choice. I can either go back to him, without having to kill anyone, or he forces me too.
"Loki, I have to go." I say, standing up.
"What? Why?" He asks, about to stand up too, but he doesn't.
"He's gonna make me kill you if I don't, Loki." I say, already starting to cry.
If I went back, either way, he's going to erase my memory. My memory of everything, including him.
"We'll figure something out, you don't have to go."
"He's going to say the goddamn words Loki, and tell me to kill you and come to him. It's easier this way. I have no other option but to go to him willingly."
"But he'll hurt you?"
"Yeah, he will. I can't do anything about that. It's either me or you. And I'd very much rather it be me." I say, going to leave.
But Loki grabs my arm.
"Please, don't leave." He says, desperate.
"I have no choice." I cry.
"You can't just leave."
"I have to."
"But I'll... I'll never see you again?" He says, almost about to cry.
"No, probably not," I cry, "So I'm saying... I'm saying goodbye."
"Goodbye?"
"Yes, goodbye. I don't think I'll ever see you again."
"Never?"
I shake my head, no. This would probably be the last time I'd see him.
"Don't follow me. I've already caused enough pain." I tell him.
"Please don't say goodbye." Loki says, now crying. It pained me to have to leave, but it was the only way. I couldn't let him die.
"But if I don't say goodbye, how are we supposed to say hello again?"
He really didn't want me to leave. I didn't want to leave either. And it hurt. I lost this. After all of this time, I didn't know what my father was capable of until now. He wanted me to fall in love. He wanted me to have no other choice, but to come back to him. He wanted me to feel the pain of heartbreak. Over and over again.
"But if you leave, who do I have?" He asks, genuine.
"No, you'll always have me. Even if I'm not here." I say, trying to smile. But it's just so fucking hard to smile.
The clock is ticking...
I have to go now.
And Loki could see it in my eyes, I have to.
"Loki?"
"What?"
"I love you." I tell him. And then.. and then I do the only thing I can do now. And it'll be the last thing I do before I leave. I lean in, and kiss him. He didn't hesitate to kiss me back.
And then I pull myself back, "Goodbye." I say, a tear rolling down my face.
He looked shocked, and sad. He looks an absolute mess.
But he also looked loved for once in his life.
I get up, and walk toward the door. Loki didn't know what to do. He just sat there and watched me leave.
As I walk out the door, "Please come back." I hear him say.
He couldn't stop me, with the amount of pain he was in. If he tried to run, he'd fall. He could always inform the Avengers, and they'd probably come looking for me. But for now, I'd have to just leave. If anybody got in my way, tried to stop me, and he said the words.. I'd be forced to kill them.
I couldn't run into a single person.
And I wouldn't.
...
I ended up sneaking out, somehow. And now, I look back from afar, staring back at the building I was just in. And directly, my eyes go to the window of the room I was in. And there was Loki, his hands against the glass, struggling to stay standing up. He was crying, and looking down at me.
And I couldn't bring myself to look back at him. It'd pain me so much more. So I turn around, and I leave. I leave Wakanda.
Loki would probably tell the Avengers, but they wouldn't find me on time. I was running.
One more second in this place, and he could say the words.
...

I don't know how far away New York is from Wakanda, but it's insanely far. I'd probably be walking and running for days. God, this is so stupid. Maybe Loki was right, and we could've figured something else out. But I couldn't take the chance of him dying this time. I'd have to keep walking, or running, all day and night until I got to New York. I couldn't stop. If I stopped, the Avengers would find me and bring me back. And if they did that, they'd die because of me.
....

It's been hours of walking. I ended up getting a map from a gas station near by, so I could possibly find my way to New York. Who knows, though, if I'm even going the right way. It's so dark now, too. I needed to sleep. But I couldn't.
Don't worry, you're on the right path.
God, I hate hearing his voice in my head. I don't want him leading me with his voice.
And I really need sleep, but it's so cold. I have only a single jacket on and- and it's Loki's jacket. I didn't even realize, oh my God.
And just so suddenly, I stop walking, and burst out in tears. Nobody else was nearby, so it was just me.
Just me.
Nobody else.
I had nobody.
I was so alone, it was dark, and freezing cold. And all I have is Loki's jacket that he never wears.
Because he's never cold.