Crown of a Prince (Finn Shelby)

60.

(I know I'm actually spamming ye but I couldn't leave it there! xx M )

She should have thought about a lot of things. What she would say, what she would use to explain herself, how she'd get him to listen. But all she thought about was how much she wished she'd had a drink first. The conversation she was about to have was one she had waited for with equal dread and trepidation for a long time now. She left herself in through the betting shop, passing by Scudboat and Lovelock who had just come in and started running numbers. They both saluted the young woman but she seemed to have her mind on other things as she barely smiled back, going beyond them and heading for the stairs. 

Scudboat had known Ailbhe and Finn since they were children. And he had been around for most of their childhoods. Therefore, he knew that the confrontation that was about to happen was potentially make or break for the young couple and he didn't know who he pitied more for being up against the other. 

She could hear the water running in the bathroom, knowing he was taking a shower so she let herself into his old room like she had dozens of times before. Ada had told her in a letter that Finn didn't use his flat in Artillery Square anymore, that he had moved back into his old room in the old Shelby house on Watery Lane. Ailbhe had wondered why at the time, curious and maybe hopeful that she had anything to do with it.

His room hadn't changed much. His hat hung on the bedpost along with his holster that was empty. If Finn was as volatile as her brothers now claimed, he was likely to have brought his gun to the bathroom with him. He had fewer books now, none that littered his bedside locker as they used but Ailbhe was relieved not to see traces of any other woman. She hadn't realised how tight her chest was until she was able to breathe, not having found women's clothing or perfume lingering in the room or in the air. 

She couldn't keep staring at his space, not now that it seemed almost like she was invading on his privacy so she turned towards the window. Dozens of people bustled past as women hung out their washing, kids played on the street and argued over what rules they were playing by today. She envied them. Tommy once told her that there were millions of people who had no ambition, who had nothing and wanted for nothing and that they would be happier than he would ever be. Sometimes Ailbhe wondered if she would be happier if she was a normal girl of her age. If she wanted a husband and kids if she didn't want to work in the company but wanted to stay home raising babies and cooking. The mere idea filled her with dread but if she could like it, maybe it would be simpler.

The main reason why her life would never be simple pushed open the door and nearly jumped when he saw her. He should have expected her to follow him after their dealing in the Garrison but Finn had forgotten how persistent she was, how stubborn she could be. Especially when it came to him. 

"Fuck sake, don't you have anything better to be doing?" he snapped, shutting the door behind him again. 

Ailbhe was glad he hadn't immediately told her to get out. Whatever he felt about her, he didn't want her to leave. Whether they were arguing or just talking, he craved time with her. If arguing and shouting was all they had left, Finn would do it forever just to feel a shred of the intensity they once had. If that was all he had left of her, snappy retorts and scathing looks he would take it. Even if he had sworn he wanted no more to do with her. Not when he had fallen to pieces without her. 

She tried not to stare as he got dressed. After his shower he was naked from the waist up, reminding Ailbhe of what Finn looked like undressed and therefore reminding her of what it really had been like with them when nobody else was there and they were the simplest part of their lives. It had been a long time and Ailbhe missed him physically with every part of her. 

He pretended not to notice her staring but it made him smirk, that cocky smirk she always rolled her eyes at.

"Clearly not" she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and tilting her head at him.