The Unbelievable Life of Lynn Carmina

Chapter 21: You're Not Pretty, You're Beautiful

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Chapter 21: You’re Not Pretty, You’re Beautiful

I sat on the bench outside my house and fought back the wild thoughts that roamed in my head. He was coming to pick me up. Just Julien was coming for me. What did he want from me? What did he expect? I didn’t know what more he could have asked me, or what more I could have surrendered to him.

I blew the breath of smoke out of my mouth, for the second time wishing I was dead. He was going to hate me and there was no getting around it. How could he not blame me, how could he not despise me for killing our child? This was something, a moment I never wanted to face. But the moment was closing in on me, just about staring me in the face. Did I have the guts to admit it? I wasn’t certain I did.

His car pulled up outside of my house and I dropped my cigarette, stomping it out under my blue converse. Julien hated that I smoked and urged me to quit all of the time. It was bad for my health, or so he said. He reminded me so much of Angie in that way. I couldn’t see what was worse for my health than being alone with Julien. What was worse than nursing a heart that had been broken three times by the same man?

Jules got out of the car and approached me slowly. He was wearing a blue v-neck tee and some distressed jeans that hung low on his waist. He was gorgeous, as always and I looked completely normal, as always. Not hot or beautiful, just normal, Lynn Carmina style. I had on my skinny jeans, which made me feel and probably look like a fat cow, and a simple blue v-neck top. We matched, how odd.

Julien ushered me into his car, opening the door for me as he so frequently did. I buckled my seatbelt and settled into the comfort of the leather seats. Where did he get the money for a car like this if he just graduated from college and had a wife and two kids at home? Maybe it was left to him when his grandmother died years ago.

We drove silently for a few minutes and I struggled to keep my composure. I was freaking the fuck out inside. I didn’t think I could take much more of his silence, let alone the strange feelings I felt when I was so close to him. It was like he was mine and we were meant to be. Like it was fate that we had found each other again, only fate, as I have said before, was a bitch! We could never be and we would never be together.

“Where are you taking me?” I questioned when the silence had grown so uncomfortable that I felt like screaming.

"I told you, it’s a surprise.” He smiled at me and turned his attention to the road after giving me a quick glance. He was a much better driver than Pierce. At least I wasn’t afraid of dying when Jules was behind the wheel.

“Jules, you know I hate this. I hate surprises.” I stated and frowned without knowing it.

“You’re giving yourself wrinkles by frowning like that all of the time.” He commented with a small laugh. I didn’t find it funny. I was the equivalent of an old hag compared to someone like Annie, who was hot, the prettiest and ‘best looking girl’ in the class, his words, not mine.

“Well, I’m not exactly a looker. I’m no Annie! I’m not the prettiest girl in the program.” I mocked him, but his words had hurt me and I hid it well.

“Come on Lynn, not this again.” He replied with a sigh. I stared out the window then at my hands in my lap, a bit discouraged by his earlier words. It may have been said over a year ago, but it didn’t mean that it still didn’t sting just the same.

The car stopped abruptly but I refused to raise my eyes. I felt Julien lean in to me. He was so close to my ear that I felt his warm breath brush my neck. It made me shiver and sent tingles down my spine. I pushed the feeling away.