The Unbelievable Life of Lynn Carmina

Chapter 11: Mark

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I will be updating Passion some time this weekend, after I finish typing & editing it :)

Crissy =:)

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Chapter 11: Mark

“Lynn, are you okay?” His smooth voice asked, ripping me out of my funk. I quickly grabbed my drink, gulping it down almost completely, than looked regretfully at Shelly. She didn’t want to be here, let alone have me here with just Julien.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just remembering the time Jenna and I got caught in the rain, walking to the clinic and I fell into that puddle. My whites were covered in mud.” I laughed nervously, trying to cover up the clear sadness I had at the thought of revealing my secret.

“That must have been funny.” Shelly commented, knowing how clumsy I am, yet also knowing I was trying to throw Julien off the path. I knew that she knew what had occupied my mind. God bless her, she really is the best!

I smiled at her encouragingly. I don’t know if I was encouraging her or myself.

“So… how are Mark and the kids?” She asked innocently. She knew damn well I didn’t want to talk about Mark. And how dare she bring up kids in front of Julien! She was goading me into telling him, but I wasn’t ready and I was pissed at her for trying to force me into it.

“Mark is fine.” I glared at her, sending invisible daggers of death her way. Just then, Julien caught my attention by leaning in closer to me. Hot damn! Calm down and restrain yourself Lynn.

“Mark is the husband right?” He asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. He knew very well that Mark was my husband. Wasn’t it awkward to talk to me about my husband? I mean, I felt very uncomfortable talking about his wife. I guess he really didn’t return my feelings because the amused and arrogant look on his face told me he had no problems at all with the subject.

I on the other hand, had every problem with Mark. For starters, he was an asshole. He was an uncaring son of a bitch who didn’t give a damn about me or how much I had sacrificed. Sure, he said he loved me, like once a year, but all he did was bitch and complain. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I was never good enough. All he did was criticize and ridicule me. Some loving hubby right?

We barely talked at all. The only conversations we had were about the kids and even those were few and far between. We were like strangers living in the same home, no not a home, a house. A home is filled with happiness and love, my house was filled with silence and resentment. I don’t know, I guess he resented my successes. I decided to go back to school and make something of myself, while he just wallowed in his self pity.

It isn’t that he wasn’t a good dad, because he was, although he was a little uptight and somewhat strict. He wasn’t one to hand out harsh punishments though, that was me. I didn’t beat my kids or anything, but I can’t say I never gave them a good swat or two once in a while. But I loved them and lived for them. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them.

I even made the hard choices, the ones Mark didn’t have the balls to make. I did everything for my family, but sometimes, you have to do things for yourself as well.

Sure, some may call it selfish, but I call it self-preservation. How can I live a life without happiness? How can I make my family happy when I don’t even know what that is anymore? No, I’m not some depressed, slit my wrists kind of girl. I never have been. I’ve never thought of suicide a day in my life, especially not after 3 of my sisters had tried it themselves, not until that day.