The Unbelievable Life of Lynn Carmina

Chapter 2: Something Bad

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Chapter 2: Something Bad

"Shit Lynn, I hope you mean Hanna's Julien and not just Julien." She practically screamed at me drawing tons of attention from some super hot dudes sitting at the next table over.

Yeah, I know two guys named Julien. What are the odds of that? The first I met as a junior in high school. Our relationship was, well, memorable and interesting. The other Julien was Hanna's Julien.

I had known of Hanna for about 14 years. We weren't really friends in the beginning though, just aquaintances. She was friends with and went to school with Mark's younger brother Tyler. They went to prom together or something like that. We were only acquaintances at the time, because they were a few years younger than us so we didn't hang out much. At least, that was until we moved to the same town as them and started hanging out a lot. That was four or five years ago now.

Hanna and Julien came over to our house all of the time. I was like 'hey, why don't you just move in?' but I was joking because I seriously would have killed them both if we lived in the same house. Once they even stayed a few days with us because it was winter and someone who shall remain nameless, Hanna, forgot to pay the electric bill and their shit got shut off.

That was hilarious to me, but I felt bad and told them they could stay with us. It was pretty fun. I felt like a teenager again. We stayed up late, until 3 am and ate snacks and popcorn and watched lame scary movies on the Chiller Channel. Chiller channel is the bomb, don't knock it. After a few days I got tired of constantly having people all up in my face, so I went to bed early and hid in my room.

I loved them both. They are great people and good friends, but it gets annoying having house guests after a while.

Hanna was kind of crazy too, a little bipolar if you ask me. We went shopping a lot, much to my dismay since it slowly turned into more of a chore than a fun time. Why did I continue to go out with her? What the hell is wrong with me?

Going anywhere with Hanna was like cutting off your own eyelids. It was just painful. She never paid attention to anything, and she texts when she drives. It's hella scary! Plus she takes FOREVER to get ready. I'll never understand how Julien does it.

When she looks for stuff, she has no idea what she wants and just wonders around aimlessly. I'm like hey, come here for a shirt, go look at shirts, not lawn furniture. She just doesn't get the picture. I love her to death but she is so obtuse sometimes. Oh, and never let her in your bathroom, 'cause she won't come out for like two hours, literally two freaking hours. What the hell she is doing for two hours I have no idea but it does become a bit annoying when there's a line of people who really have to piss.

The other Julien, Hanna's Julien, is really cool. I feel bad for him sometimes because he gets fed up with Hanna. She is just so clueless at times. I have no idea why he married her. If I married her, I would have killed her by now. Anyway, the other Julien loves cars, anything to do with cars like fixing cars, looking at cars, and buying toy cars at target and walmart. Yeah, he buys toy cars, how weird and juvenile for like, 31 years old.

Julien is funny and we have always had this witty banter between us. He always tries to act like he wants to get into my pants and I always try to act like I want him to. Which trust me, I have no desire to do. He used to send me all kinds of sexual texts like tons of naked chicks and sex jokes. Why would I want to see naked chicks? Come on, I can go look at myself in a mirror if I can't remember what boobs look like.