Mix and Match ~ TK

57

The worst thing about inner pain isn't the actual pain. It's the lack of knowledge concerning its source.
Why does it hurt?
Where was it coming from?
Taehyung was sure that at some point in his life, he did know the answers to those questions. Although now he had no idea if such thing was reality or illusion.
As dark curtains shielded his mind from further back memories than the last decade of his life, Taehyung's want to unveil them was bigger than ever. Here's why:
After spending that first night completely alone, the nightmares had started again.
Unforgiving and incessant.
Taehyung woke up in different parts of the night, drenched in sweat and tears. Things were much similar to that period of time before Jimin had started to sleep in the same room as him, at that time they did kind of disappear. This time though, the foggy memories he used to wake up with weren't so foggy anymore.
Taehyung saw flashes of clear images he hardly understood but those flashes stayed with him the entire day ahead.

Taehyung went and came from classes, sat with his family for the three meals as they insisted he does, met with his mate and spent time with him, all done in a mechanical almost robotic manner.

In front of everyone else, Taehyung and Jungkook acted like lovers. They courted each other and smiled at one other, sometimes spending afternoons cuddling in front of a Disney movie, and sometimes they would feed each other and surprise each other at the end of their classes, walking or driving home together.
At night, Jungkook would comply to his mate's wishes and leave. He would go back to his apartment and they would sleep separated.
And every night, Taehyung's cycle of nightmares, terror and lack of sleep would begin all over again. With each day new images and new memories to add to his morbid collection.

Jungkook was keeping in touch with Jimin and had even offered the brunette to talk to his best friend without any luck. Taehyung refused politely, each time finding an excuse to turn the offer down.

That was something else that had changed: Taehyung's manners.
The biggest change so far was that he hardly ever gets angry anymore. His temper had went down the same drain those tears went through, in the shower. The urge he felt to counter attack every time something didn't go his way and lash out was gone.

Of course it had. Even though anger was more like a constant in Taehyung's life, and werewolf or not, anger was draining, if you add this to the sleepless nights, the fake persona and the forced everyday interactions you get a weak, drained, broken person.

Taehyung was exactly that: weak, drained and broken.

And Jungkook was going to kill himself. That was it.

Did Taehyung really think that the mate bond was a kids' game?
In the midst of all his pain and self torture, he must've forgotten that Jungkook could pretty much feel everything the other felt. And it killed him.
It killed Jungkook to stand by his mate's side, pretend everything is nice and smooth going while the person beside him was dying from the inside out.
Every day, Jungkook would wake up with a new idea to change things up. Anything. Just the tiniest bit of willingness from Taehyung would be enough. But he didn't have any luck it seems.

"Taehyung I know you're not feeling good. Won't you talk to me?"

"What are you saying Kookie? I'm doing great." And he would lean down and kiss the wolf passionately.

"Taehyung, Jimin is calling. Won't you pick up?"

"Oh? I didn't see it." And he would turn the volume down and get back to whatever he was doing.

"Taehyung, let's go to the ice rink. Everyone's gonna be there."

"Sorry Kookie, I have homework. Maybe some other time." And he would offer the true blood his adorable boxy smile.