But We Could Get By

Chapter 5

As the years went by, things seemed to only get worse. Business was failing, and Nellie was going broke. She decided now was not the time to focus on all the negative things though. It was Johanna's sixteenth birthday, and she wanted it to be a good day. "Happy birthday, Johanna!" She exclaimed. Johanna smiled. "Thanks." She said. "I can't believe you're sixteen already!" Nellie responded. Johanna laughed a little. "I can't either. Feels like just yesterday, I was a little kid who always had to be told not to run down the stairs." Nellie laughed. "You had so much energy." She handed her a card. "I couldn't afford any presents. I hope this is good enough." She said. "It's lovely." Johanna reassured.
   Nellie sighed. "You deserve better than this." She said. "I don't need a fancy birthday party. I've got everything I need." Johanna responded. Nellie smiled sadly. "Thanks, but that's not what I mean." She said. "You deserve a good life, and I'm trying to give you just that, but I'm broke, and..." She was cut off mid-sentence. "Don't worry, mum. I'd say I have a good life. We may not be in a good place financially, but I like it here, and you're an amazing mother." Johanna said. "You really think so?" Nellie asked. "Of course!" Johanna replied. "And one day, dad will come home, business will get better, and we can have the happy life we've always wanted." She reassured. Nellie smiled. "Quite the optimist, just like your father." She said. "Do me a favor, and never lose that optimism." She added.
   "Would you consider yourself an optimist?" Johanna asked. "I mean, you've always acted like one when I was little, but I was never sure if you believed what you told me." She added. "I like to think I am. Every now and then, when things get really bad, I tend to be a bit more pessimistic, but I always try to find a silver lining. It keeps me going." Nellie responded. "Enough about that though, it's your birthday!" She then said. "Unfortunately, I couldn't afford much, but I found this in Benjamin's old shop, and I thought you should have it." She handed Johanna a necklace. "He was gonna give this to Lucy for their anniversary. I suppose it's not my place to give this away, but I figured he'd want you to have it." She said. Johanna took the necklace. "It's beautiful!" She replied. "Thanks, mum!" "You're welcome, dear." Nellie said.
   "I wrote a letter to dad, and I also wrote one to Anthony. Can we send them?" Johanna asked. "Of course." Nellie replied. Johanna smiled. "Thanks." She said. Nellie shrugged. "No problem." "Before we leave, can you help me put this necklace on?" Johanna asked. Nellie nodded, taking the necklace from her. "Alright, move your hair out of the way." She said. Johanna did as she was told. Nellie fiddled with the chain a bit before finally getting it right. "There, it's on now." She said. Johanna turned to face her. "How does it look?" She asked. "It looks lovely." Nellie said. Johanna smiled. "Thanks." She replied. "Shall we go send these letters now?" Nellie nodded, and the two headed out the door.

"Why do people always stare at us?" Johanna asked. "I don't know." Nellie said. "Do you think it's because of what happened to mum and dad?" Johanna asked. "Possibly. That's why they stared years ago." Nellie responded. "But it's been years. Why would that still be fresh in their minds?" She asked. "It seems you haven't forgotten it. I don't think they have either." Johanna said. "True." Nellie replied. "But it's different with me. I knew Benjamin, we were close. None of these people really knew him, they've just seen him around town before, and ever since he was sent away, all I've been getting is fake sympathy." She said. "How can you tell it's fake?" Johanna asked. "Because they don't know him, they don't know me, and frankly, they don't care." Nellie explained. "I don't think they're meaning for it to come across as fake sympathy. I think they just feel bad for us." Johanna said. "I don't want their pity." Nellie responded. Johanna nodded. The rest of the walk was silent.

"Looks like they're closed." Nellie said. Johanna sighed. "I suppose we can send them tomorrow." She replied. The two began to walk home. "Do you still think he'll come home?" She then asked. "Of course!" Nellie responded. Every year, she felt as if she believed herself less and less. It was much easier to be optimistic when he had only been gone for a year or so, but it had now been fifteen years. She was unsure if she'd ever see him again. That was something she would never tell Johanna, and something she herself hated to think about. She truly wanted to believe her own words, that maybe it'll only be another month, but as the years went on, it became harder to stay positive.
   "Are you alright?" She heard Johanna ask. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" She responded. "You have that look on your face again." Johanna said. "Oh." Nellie muttered. "Don't worry, I'm fine." She reassured. She hated lying to Johanna, but she knew she couldn't tell her how sad and scared she was. She thought about how sad and scared Benjamin must be. Fifteen years in prison surrounded by actual criminals, missing his friends, his family, and his home. Anyone in that situation would be sad and scared. "Poor Benjamin must be so traumatized." She thought to herself. If he ever did come back, would he ever be the same? "I finished a painting I've been working on." Johanna said, pulling her out of her reverie. "I'll show it to you when we get home." She added. Nellie smiled and nodded. "Can't wait to see it." She said.

"Here it is!" Johanna exclaimed, pointing toward a painting. Nellie stared at it for a moment. It was a painting of three birds flying across the sky while the sun was setting. "What a beautiful blend of colors! And the detailing is incredible!" She remarked. Johanna smiled. "Thanks." She said. "So you like it?" "I love it." Nellie replied. "I've been working on this one for weeks now." Johanna said. She handed it to Nellie. "I want you to have it." "Really?" Nellie asked. "Of course." Johanna replied. Nellie took the painting, and gazed at it again. "It's your birthday, I should be the one giving you gifts." She said.
   "You've already given me this beautiful necklace." Johanna responded. "I know." Nellie said with a sigh. "I just wish I could've afforded-" "I've got everything I need right here." Johanna reassured. Nellie smiled. "You should get some rest." She said. "It's not that late." Johanna replied. "I know, but you've been staying up so late working on this painting." Nellie said. "I suppose I am a little tired." Johanna responded. She gave Nellie a hug. "Goodnight, mum." Nellie hugged her, still smiling. "Goodnight." She let go of Johanna. "Now go get some sleep." She said. Johanna nodded. "I love you." She said, heading off to her room. "I love you too." Nellie replied.
   She walked to her room and looked around, trying to find a good place on the wall where she could hang the painting. "I guess anywhere on the wall would work. I suppose I'll think about this another time." She thought to herself as she set the painting down on her desk. She walked back out to the kitchen, and stared out the window. She saw several people walk by, none of whom bothered to even look at the shop. "I suppose I didn't make it clear that the shop is open." She thought. She then sighed sadly. "Who am I kidding, they know the shop's open, they just don't wanna stop by. Can't say I blame them."
   She sighed again and looked down, hoping to actually focus on baking without her thoughts distracting her. She set some ingredients on the counter, and began to work on baking another pie. For a moment, she was completely distracted. Suddenly, she heard the door open. She looked up and gasped. It had been forever since anyone had stopped by. It was a known fact throughout Fleet Street that her pies were terrible. It was probably a known fact throughout all of London. Maybe this man was new, and didn't know. Or maybe he made a mistake and walked into the wrong building. "He looks familiar." She thought to herself. For a moment, it was like she had forgotten how to speak. All she could manage to say was, "A customer!"