But We Could Get By

Chapter 39

Time continued to move forward, and it was now only a few days before the new year. Things had been going decently well for Nellie, and for the whole family, it seemed. She knew that Sweeney would probably still be grappling with the facts of what had happened to Lucy. She still felt terrible about the whole thing, like it was her fault, though he would always tell her that he was alright, that he would manage. Even with all of that though, things seemed to be going quite well with them. They've started to go on walks almost every day, and always found themselves holding hands. They continued to spend every day after work with each other, just chatting away for hours, as well as dancing, until they got tired. He still gave her goodnight kisses before going off to his room. Sometimes, if she was lucky, it'd be far too difficult to say goodnight, and they'd end up holding each other for longer, giving each other several goodnight kisses while not actually leaving to go to their rooms.
   She also recalled that he had written her a letter, or so Johanna had said. She hadn't gotten the chance to read it yet, for Sweeney never gave it to her, and every time she would ask him about it, he would always find a way to change the subject. She couldn't help but wonder what he had written, and why he seemed so nervous to share it? Maybe one day, she'd learn the answer. "Mrs. Lovett!" She heard the voice of her beloved Sweeney. She turned around and smiled as she saw him walk down the stairs. "Mr. Todd!" She replied. "How have you been today?" "Fine, I suppose." Sweeney said. For a moment, neither of them said a word. The two just stood there smiling, enjoying each other's presence. Nellie reached out, and Sweeney took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. How she adored the way his hand felt in hers. His hands were usually quite cold and rough, but she was always filled with such a warm and soft feeling whenever she held them.
   "Is there anything you need?" She then asked, breaking the silence. "Just wanted to see you." Sweeney said. "Shall we go on a walk today?" "Of course!" Nellie replied. Sweeney nodded and let go of her hand, walking towards the door and holding it open for her. "There you go, darling." "Darling?" Nellie asked, smiling. "Haven't heard that one before." Sweeney followed her out the door, and the two linked arms. "You don't mind it, do you?" He asked. "Of course not! I love all the cute little names you call me!" Nellie responded, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I think my favorite one is love. It feels nice to think that maybe I really am your love." She said. "I also love when you use more than one at once, like when you call me your dearest love." Sweeney gave her a kiss on the cheek, but said nothing. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'll always be yours, you know." She said. "I'll forever be your Nellie."
   "Mr. Todd?" She suddenly heard a voice say. She looked away from Sweeney, and noticed a man standing before them. "Sorry to bother you, sir. I'm new in town, and I heard you were one of the best barbers in town." The man said. "That does seem to be what people say." Sweeney responded. "He's the best in all of London!" Nellie chimed in. "The best in all of London?" The man asked. "You must have a lot of skill." He added. "I'm not in need of your services now, I'm just trying to get to know the people in town." Sweeney nodded. "Feel free to stop by his shop if you need!" Nellie said with a smile. "And feel free to stop by mine if you find yourself wanting a pie! My shop is just below his!" The man smiled and nodded. "Well, I should go, I've got so much else to learn about this town, but it was really nice meeting you, Mr. Todd! And you too..." He paused for a moment. "Mrs. Todd?" He then said, sounding quite unsure.
   Nellie's eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. She had been dreaming that one day, that would be the name people called her. She couldn't help but hope that this man would be only one of many to assume that she and Sweeney were married. She didn't even want to correct him, for she was much happier with this name than she was with her real one. She wanted more people to make that mistake, and she didn't want to tell anyone that they were wrong. Maybe one day, they wouldn't be wrong. Maybe one day, she would be her beloved Sweeney's wife.
   "Oh, um..." Sweeney stammered. "She's- We're- I mean..." The man seemed to have already walked away, and most likely didn't hear any of Sweeney's stuttering. "I say we just let them assume." She said. "I don't see any harm in it." "We should head back home now." Sweeney said, switching the subject. "I'd like to spend at least a little bit of time there before opening the shop." "Alrighty." Nellie replied. The two turned around and began to walk home. Most of the walk was silent, though Nellie eventually found herself quietly humming. Sweeney gave her a kiss on the cheek. "How are you always so adorable?" Nellie could feel her heart racing. He had been this sweet to her before, but it still sometimes felt unreal. "Oh, love." She muttered. "I really do adore how sweet you've been lately." She said. "Though I hope you know that I'll still adore you even on your darkest of days. I'll stay by your side no matter what, even when things get difficult." "Thank you, dear." Sweeney replied. "It really does mean a lot." "Oh, it's nothing at all! Of course I'd stand by you!" Nellie said.
   "I know you think you're hard to love, but loving you and standing by you is one of the easiest things I've ever done. Even in hard times, it's been easy for me." "You really are too kind to me." Sweeney responded. "You deserve it, dear." Nellie said. She let go of his arm and opened the door for him as they reached their house. "Here you go." "Thank you, my love." Sweeney said. "Really, thank you for everything." He added. "I'm trying to get better at showing my appreciation." "You're doing a wonderful job, love." Nellie reassured. Sweeney reached out and held her hand. "You really do mean more to me than I let on sometimes." He said. "I've been trying to get better at showing that, I suppose I've been doing okay. I just hope you know that." "Don't worry, love." Nellie replied. "I think you've done a great job showing that you care. You've been opening up a lot more, you even seem a bit happier. I'm glad to see you doing so well." "I've got you to thank for a lot of that." Sweeney said. "Thank you again, darling." He added. "My dear, sweet Mrs. To- Lovett!"
   His soft and happy expression quickly turned into a nervous one. Nellie was in complete disbelief. Had he almost called her Mrs. Todd? It was shocking enough when it was a random man in town, but now it was Sweeney himself who had almost made that mistake. She couldn't help but smile. "Did you almost call me-?" "I said Mrs. Lovett!" Sweeney quickly responded. "Nothing else, I didn't say anything else!" "Mr. T?" Nellie said. "Yes?" Sweeney replied. "Can I read that letter you wrote for me?" She asked, seemingly switching the subject, though deep down, she wondered if maybe the letter and his mess up had more in common than it seemed. She couldn't stop herself from hoping that the letter in question was a confession of his undying love for her. "Another time." Sweeney replied. "It's not ready to be read yet."
   "That's what you said last time." Nellie said. "And all the times before that." "I just want it to be perfect before anyone reads it." Sweeney responded. "I don't need perfection, Mr. T." Nellie said. "I just want something that comes from the heart." "I'll let you read it soon." Sweeney replied. "But not yet." He let go of her hand. "I should go get the shop ready." He said. "I'll see you later, Mrs. T- Lovett!" Before Nellie could say a word, he rushed upstairs. She continued to smile, thinking about how he had now made that mistake twice, and imagining what his letter could possibly say. She sighed. "One day, I will be your Mrs. Todd."

Sweeney couldn't believe what he had said. Well, what he had almost said. He wanted to blame that man he met in town for putting that thought in his head, although he couldn't deny that even before then, he had occasionally found himself thinking about the way Nellie Todd sounded. He couldn't help but love the sound of it, and to have heard someone call her Mrs. Todd out loud was even better. He had almost corrected that man, but he couldn't seem to get the words out. He supposed he didn't mind it if people assumed that she was his wife, for he already knew that he would marry her someday.
   Every now and then, he felt terrible for thinking such a thing. He was still struggling with the pain of what had happened to Lucy. Learning the truth felt like he was losing her all over again. Johanna had told him that she'd always be a part of him, and he believed that, yet even so, he couldn't seem to stop himself from loving Nellie. At this point, he had given up on trying to push away his feelings for her. He had tried so hard to do so for a while, but in the end, he just couldn't. He was so, incredibly lovesick for his dear Nellie. Knowing he couldn't rid himself of those feelings, he found himself having to decide whether or not he should do something about them.
   There was a part of him that wanted to tell her. He wanted her to know that her days of pining were over, that he truly wanted to be with her, for it made him sad to see her so broken up over the whole thing. He wanted her to know that he was madly in love, that his love for her only seemed to grow with each passing day, that every time he saw her, he felt as though he were falling in love all over again. At the same time though, as much as he wanted to spend his life with her, he felt he didn't deserve such happiness, that he was far too broken, damaged beyond repair. Nellie might've loved him, but she deserved better. He had no idea how she still loved him, how she still seemed to think he deserved the world despite all he had done, despite how broken he was. He knew he'd always be grateful for her unconditional love though. He felt he didn't deserve a light so bright, yet he couldn't help but want it.
   She was always there, she had always been a light within the darkness. He wanted to have that light there with him forever. She was his light, his warmth, his home, his whole world. He once thought he'd never want anything more than he wanted revenge, but he so badly wanted to have a happy life with this family he couldn't help but grow to care about. He wanted the kids to grow up in a household that wasn't so messed up, he couldn't bear the thought of them going through the same pain that he had suffered, especially knowing how much both of them had gone through already. He wanted all the pain to finally go away. He wanted to spend the rest of his days with Nellie by his side. He wanted to fall asleep and wake up in her warm embrace every day, he wanted to kiss her every morning and night, he wanted to continue to dance with her and laugh with her as they told ridiculous jokes back and forth. He wanted to be there for her the way she had always been there for him, he wanted to brighten her days the way she always brightened his.
   To be her warmth whenever she was cold, to be her shoulder to cry on whenever she needed one, to care for her whenever she was sick or otherwise not feeling well, like when she'd get those body aches she had spoken of. Over all, he wanted her, his dear, sweet Nellie Lovett. He loved her for all that she was, and so badly wanted to be with her, to spend his life with her until the very end, and hopefully even after the end. Him and his beloved, always and forever. He couldn't help but smile thinking about it. He then thought about the letter he had written to her. Ever since Johanna mentioned it in front of her, she had been asking about it. He always tried to change the subject, or at least stall so he wouldn't have to give it to her. He kept telling her that he'd give it to her soon. He had mostly just been saying that as a way to stall, but maybe he really would let her read it soon. Maybe he really would finally let her know how he had been feeling, and how badly he wanted to be with her.
   Suddenly, he heard what sounded like shouting coming from downstairs, pulling him out of his thoughts. He decided to leave his shop and rush down there immediately to see what was going on. The last time he had heard shouting from downstairs, Johanna and Nellie were being confronted by Mr. Johnson and were in danger. He had to make sure they were alright. As he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, he looked around at the busy pie shop, and everyone seemed to be staring towards the counter. He glanced over and saw Nellie, Johanna, and Toby standing behind the counter, and his eyes widened as he saw who stood before them. "Judge Turpin." He thought to himself. "What the hell is he doing here?"