But We Could Get By

Chapter 13

After an exhausting work day, it was finally time to close the shop. Nellie cleaned up the countertops, humming to herself as she did so. Toby helped put some dishes away, then went to his room. "Goodnight, mum!" He called out. "Goodnight, Toby!" She responded. She then went back to cleaning the counter. "Mrs. Lovett." She heard a voice say. She turned around and smiled. "Mr. Todd." She said. "How was the shop today?" "Same as always." Sweeney replied. "What about yours?" "Business is great! I must admit though, it gets rather exhausting." Nellie said. Sweeney nodded.
   "Johanna told me about that man you were with years ago. Mr. Johnson." He said. "She did?" Nellie asked. "Yeah. Well, she told me a little bit. I don't know everything he did, but he sounds awful." Sweeney responded. "He was awful." Nellie stated. "I never wanted to be with him. I agreed to go on a date with him because he offered, and when I declined, he was rather persistent. Other than that though, he seemed nice at first. He said he'd help take care of Johanna, provide for us financially. He wasn't as nice as he seemed though. Not at all." "Any chance he's still in town?" Sweeney asked. "I don't know. Why?" Nellie replied. "Are you planning on giving him a shave?" Sweeney nodded. "That man..." He paused for a moment. "How he treated you and Johanna..." Nellie opened her mouth to speak, but Sweeney seemed to have found his words again. "He won't get away with it." "He already has." Nellie said. "Not if I find him." Sweeney replied.
   Nellie couldn't help but smile. "Well, if that's your way of showing that you care..." She stopped herself mid-sentence. "Maybe I shouldn't be condoning this." She laughed a little. "A little too late for that." Sweeney replied. "Never thought this would be my life. The crime, I mean. I don't mind though. I'm always willing to help you out." Nellie said. "By any chance, do you remember that date we went on years ago?" She then asked, switching the subject. "A little." Sweeney responded. "Why?" "Just found myself thinking about it." Nellie said. "I remember we went to this really nice spot outside of town and had a picnic. After that, we went on a walk." "Oh yeah." Sweeney mumbled. "Remember how we discussed our future plans? It really is strange looking back on how we thought our lives would be. Neither of us imagined things would be like this." Nellie said. "Little did we know." Sweeney muttered.
   Nellie giggled. "Yeah. If you told seventeen year old me that one day, my best friend would be sent to prison, come back, and start murdering people, and I would help him, I don't know if I'd believe it." "If someone would've told me that I'd spend fifteen years rotting in prison, that I wouldn't get to see my daughter grow up, that I'd lose the love of my life, maybe I could've found a way to stop that from happening." Sweeney said. "Maybe we could've moved out of London, far away from the Judge. Then Lucy, Johanna, and I could've lived a normal, happy life. We could've been the family we were supposed to be."
   Sweeney's words felt like a dagger in Nellie's heart. She knew he was in pain, and she felt bad for him. He didn't deserve to have his life ripped away from him like that. Even so, she couldn't help but feel heartbroken. It hurt knowing that she wasn't a part of his ideal life. And the way he had called Lucy the love of his life... She tried her best to hide her pain with a smile. "Well, the past can't be undone, and all dwelling on it will do is make you feel worse. I think it's best to just live in the present." She said. "I'll find a way to get Judge Turpin back, and he'll pay for what he did." Sweeney mumbled angrily. Nellie sighed. "It's getting late. Goodnight, Mr. Todd." Sweeney didn't respond.
   She sighed again, and walked to her room. Though she was tired, she couldn't seem to fall asleep. She found herself thinking of what Sweeney had said. "That I'd lose the love of my life..." He might as well been slicing her heart with a razor blade. "The love of his life." She thought to herself. "She's the love of his life. Lucy Barker." She felt a tear run down her face. "Not me. Never me."
   Despite her best efforts to stop herself from crying, more tears escaped her eyes. "Why can't it be me?" She thought of her ideal life. Whenever she imagined her future, he was always there. Her perfect, happy life consisted of him being there with her. Ideally, they'd live together in a nice house by the sea, along with Johanna and Toby. As much as she wanted to live by the sea though, what mattered most to her was being with the people she cared about. She didn't care if she wound up staying in London for the rest of her life, as long as she got to spend all those years with Sweeney.
   He, however, didn't seem to see a future with her at all. She wasn't a part of his ideal life. All he wanted was his old life back, his life with Lucy. Nellie found herself feeling bitter. She felt awful for feeling that way. Lucy was a friend of hers. She couldn't help it though. She envied Lucy. She envied how easy life seemed for her, how she was never poor, her nice clothes, the way everyone seemed to love her, and most of all, she envied her for being the one Sweeney loved. "How does it feel to be so adored by the love of my life?" She thought to herself. "Why can't it be me?" She found herself thinking again. That thought repeated in her head a few times.
   She tried to push away all her feelings of jealousy. She felt terrible about being so envious, but she couldn't help it. "Why can't it be me?" She muttered aloud.

"Mum?" Nellie heard a voice say. She opened her eyes and looked up. "Johanna." She said. "Good morning." "Afternoon." Johanna corrected. "It's one o'clock." Nellie's eyes widened. "One o'clock?" She asked. "How did I-?" She didn't finish her sentence. "Are you alright?" Johanna asked. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't fall asleep till super late at night." Nellie responded. "And I had a wonderful dream. It seemed so real." She added. "What was your dream about?" Johanna asked. "Oh, it was nothing." Nellie replied.
   She thought about the dream she had. It consisted of her and Sweeney confessing their love for each other, and him telling her that she was the love of his life. "I knew that was too good to be true." "Are you sure it's nothing?" Johanna asked. "You look upset." "I'm not." Nellie said. Johanna nodded. "Well, Toby and I were gonna go into town, if that's alright with you." She said. "Alright. Just be careful out there." Nellie responded. "We will be." Johanna reassured. She left the room, and Nellie, after getting ready, followed.
   "Finally you're up." She heard Sweeney say. "Good afternoon, Mr. Todd." She said with a smile. "Why are you up so late?" Sweeney asked. "I couldn't sleep last night." Nellie replied. Sweeney nodded. "Understandable." He said. He didn't say anything else. He stared at the floor, most likely contemplating how he could convince the Judge to come back. He was always thinking about revenge. There were a few times when he actually spent time with Nellie, but it certainly wasn't often. And even when they did spend time together, he was mostly off in his own world, thinking about killing Judge Turpin and Beadle Bamford. There were a few exceptions, of course. He was constantly switching back and forth between acting like he cared about her and only caring about revenge.
   "Mr. Todd." She said, breaking the silence. "Yes?" Sweeney replied. "I was thinking maybe we could visit that place we went to for our date years ago. I could bring some food and a blanket, and we'll have another picnic." Nellie said. "How does that sound?" "I don't know." Sweeney replied. "I think it would be fun." Nellie said. "No pressure though. If you don't want to, that's fine. Also, I'll clarify that this isn't a date. Unless you want it to be. In that case, it is. But if you don't want it to be a date, it's not a date." She found herself rambling. "Not that it was a date in the first place. I just thought we could spend some time together away from London. I didn't tell you about this with the intention of asking you to go on a date. I should stop talking now. I'm very sorry, I just got nervous, and-"
   "Yes, I'll go with you." Sweeney said. "You will?" Nellie asked. Sweeney nodded. She smiled. "Alright then. What day works best for you?" "I'm gonna be busy for the rest of this week." Sweeney said. "Alright. Well, let me know when you won't be busy." Nellie responded. Sweeney nodded, then walked upstairs. Nellie continued to smile. She wasn't expecting him to actually agree to go on that picnic with her. It was possible that he only agreed because she kept talking, but either way, she was excited for this picnic. She thought about that date they went on years ago. Them happily talking about whatever was on their minds, and enjoying each other's company. "It'll be just like that again."