They call me a criminal

Chapter 20

Instead of going to bed I snuck into Fred's dorm stealing a bottle of fire whiskey. I threw the cap on the floor and snuck into an old stairway chugging back large sips every time the thought of my father came into my mind. At some point I began crying and it never stopped. As I took the last sip of the bottle I screamed smashing it against the wall. "Clara?" Slowly I turned my head using the wall to stay balanced. "Are you drunk?" I couldn't even process the fact that Professor Lupin was standing over me. I tried to take a step back but my knees buckled and I ended up rolling down the last three stairs face planting onto the cement.

I saw him reach for me but I quickly pushed away. "I'm fine," I eventually spat out. This time he grabbed me and I was too slow. I felt myself get lifted up as I let out a loud cry. He used his hand to cover my mouth as I continued to cry and try to squirm out of his reach.

When I felt myself get set down I found I was back on the couch in his office. "Stay down." I heard him sternly say. He came back into the room with a blanket gently covering me and he placed a trash can beside me on the ground. "There's water here Clara." I tried to say something but I threw up the second I opened my mouth. He quickly hurried to my side pulling my hair out of my face, "it will be alright. Just get it all out." I began crying harder, "I want to go home for Christmas." He sighed softly rubbing my back, "I know sweetheart." I started to choke on my own cries, "no you don't, no one here does."

I didn't remember falling back asleep but when I opened my eyes again the room wasn't spinning anymore and I realized where I was. "How are you feeling?" I looked over to see Remus sitting on his desk chair reading a book. "Did you stay there all night?" I whispered. He nodded walking over to me, I slowly sat myself up so he could sit on the couch. "Are you alright?" He finally asked. I slowly shook my head looking down at myself I was a mess. "It's hard feeling like no body understands what you're going through and you're right not many would. But you can't drink. If I catch you drinking again you will be sorry. Do you understand me?" I wiped a tear away quickly, "yes sir." He nodded, "good. I want you to get back to your dorm before your friends wake up, and do your best to get through this Christmas. If you start to feel like you need space, or someone to yell at you come right back here? Don't you dare pick up another bottle. Have I made myself clear?" I bit my lip repeating myself, "yes sir." He sighed, "good, I'll clean up here you get going." I stood up opening the door, but before I walked out I turned to him, "thank you." He gave me a smile smile, "Merry Christmas Clara."

I got out of bed later Christmas morning grabbing the package Fred gave me. I carefully opened it seeing a bracelet with my name on it. This would have cost him a lot. I wanted to get him something but had no way of getting anywhere. I walked down to the common room smiling when I saw the three of them sitting by the fire. "Merry Christmas."

Ron handed me a package, "it's from mum. And me." I laughed opening it. I saw my knitted sweater with a "C" engraved on the front. There was also a card.
Dear Clara,
I'm sure your finding everything difficult right now and I must say I can't blame you. I want you to know if you need anything at all, truly, please write to me. Have an amazing Christmas.
With love,
Mrs. Weasley

I thanked Ron happily, Hermione handed me a small bag, "it's not a lot, but candy usually helps." It was a bag full of treats, "thank you a lot."

Harry gave me a photo, it was him and I last year laughing and smiling, "I'm sorry." I looked down at it, "it's hard to talk about it all Harry, it's not that I don't want to, and I'm definitely not helping someone hurt you." He nodded, "I know that." I sighed, "alright."

"How about some wizards chess?" Ron suggested. I shook my head, "I'm going to see professor Lupin, I'll meet up later." Harry stood up, "I'll come with you."

Once we were out in the hall I turned to face him, "I lied, I'm going to see Snape," he stared at me, "Clara that's an awful idea." I sighed, "I know that. But I've already done it once." Harry laughed, "you went to talk to snape?" I shook my head, "no more like I went to demand answers just like I did with my father." Harry gave me a small smile, "I'm still looking for my answers." Once we were down in the dungeons, we met professor Lupin outside Snapes door. "What are you two doing down here?" I tried to push past him ignoring the question, but he moved blocking the door. "I don't think what you're about to do is a good idea." Harry agreed, and seconds later the door swung open and Snape revealed himself.

"What's all this noise?" I stepped forward, "I'd like to speak with you." He glared at me allowing me in. Once the door was shut I sat down at a random desk and he stood over me giving me a hateful stare. "Going to Azkaban was a stupid idea."

I scoffed, "the last person who should be giving me advice is you." He nodded, "what do you want?" I shrugged, "I think you know what I want. It's Christmas, my first Christmas without my mother. Because of you and god knows who else. The least you could possibly do is tell me the truth. Or at least tell me what that death eaters name is?" He shook his head, "no."

I sighed, "I'm not asking for much." He stood up, "you may not understand what I did, or why I did it, but it's not up to me to explain." I rolled my eyes, "what does that even mean? Tell me? Can't you just explain? I need the truth, I went to Azkaban because of you. This is the only thing I'll ever ask of you."

Snape hit his hand down, "don't you understand I was protecting you." He glared at me, "it was supposed to be you."

My heart stopped. "YOU SHOULD'VE LET THEM KILL ME, YOU DIDN'T PROTECT ME, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL?"

I heard the door open and saw Lupin and Harry standing there. "just say thank you." I laughed, "you want me to thank you for what? Helping kill my mother? Azkaban? Constantly taking points away to antagonize me? Next time those death eaters want to kill me, do me a favour and don't protect me."

"Clara I think you should come with me." Lupin instructed. Snape stared at me with no expression, "that's probably best." I sighed, "I think I should just be left alone, and I think that I deserve the full truth. Did my father do something wrong, was he asked to do this? Did he want me to die for it?"

Snape pointed at the door, "get out." I nodded, "I think I'm right. He was asked to sacrifice someone, for loyalty right?" Lupin coughed, "enough." I shook my head, "no it's not enough, I no longer have any parents what am I supposed to do?" Harry stepped forward, "stay with Fred." I shook my head, "what about everything else Harry?" He sighed, "I did it." I shook my head, "no that was different Harry, I had them all my life and now I just don't, no one gave me a home made sure I was looked after."

Harry shook his head, "what do you think my house was like at the Dursley's?" I raised my eyebrow, "I'm not sure Harry? Were they willing to kill you? No they cared enough to still take you in, acknowledge you, my father didn't give one damn about me..."

I stopped talking as the door flung back open, Pansy stood there with a deadly glare on her face.