They call me a criminal

Chapter 48

When we got back, Remus was waiting in the doorway. I expected him to be much more angrier than Sirius was, but he wasn't. Instead he held out his arms giving me a hug.

The three of us made our way upstairs and I sat in the chair by the window. "I'm sorry for taking off." Sirius gave me a small smile, "it's not safe for that, you worried us." I sighed, "I know." Remus sat down, "what happened with Fred?" I bit my lip, "he told me they were eavesdropping on the meeting, that they heard everything but he didn't get to see what happened that night. As if it was some sort of privilege to see it." Sirius nodded, "I can assure you it was far from a privilege, what happened was sickening." Remus nodded, "seeing something like that changes a person. I know how terrified you were, we all felt the pain, watching that. Everything you and Harry did that night." I closed my eyes, "I'm never going to be able to forgive myself."

Sirius nodded, "Clara, I know that pain all to well. You're too young, too smart, and kind to carry that with you." I shook my head, "anytime I close my eyes I see them. Not even just Cedric or my father. I see my mum, Bellatrix, Voldemort, Peter. It's a nightmare I can't escape from. Half of them are dead, the other half want me dead." Remus nodded, "blaming yourself for all of that isn't going to help, and it's not true." I shrugged, "if you were in my shoes, knowing everything that I do now, you wouldn't feel that way." Sirius sighed, "you're right. We don't know, no one does. Not even Harry. But you're talking about it. Doesn't it feel better." It did feel like some weight had been lifted off of me. "I'm happy you're not brushing off everything I'm saying. Like after everything I should just try and be happy." Remus nodded, "of course that's what we want, but everything takes time."

I looked down at my feet, "I wish I was like Fred, George, Ron and Hermione. I wish I could forget everything." Sirius nodded, "they didn't mean harm listening in, they just wanted to make sure you're all right." Remus agreed, "I think Fred said what he did to reassure you, that none of them saw that night."

"I hated rewatching it, it felt like I was reliving it all for the first time, except now I couldn't change anything. Seeing myself like that was horrifying." Sirius sighed, "I can only imagine how you felt, watching that myself was awful. But you really can't blame yourself. You're father was an awful man, you did what they made you."

I lay down, "I think I just need to rest." Sirius walked over placing a kiss on my forehead. "Goodnight."

Instead of sleeping I processed everything they had said. When I heard them come to bed, I waited an hour until I stood up. I quietly made my way to Fred's room. I pushed the door open, smiling as he slept peacefully. "Fred," I whispered. He slowly rolled over staring up at me. "Can you hold me?" Without another word, he moved over and I crawled onto the bed with him. He wrapped his arms tightly around me, and I burried my head into his chest. "I'm sorry love." I breathed in the smell of him, "I know."

"I love you so much Clara." I nodded, "I'm exhausted Fred, I've never felt so tired." He placed his hand on the back of my head, "I have you love, close your eyes."

I breathed in, and finally let myself fall asleep. When the sun was shining through the next morning I could hear Fred and George talking quietly to each other. I sat up slowly, and Fred pulled me in resting his chin on my head. "I'm sorry about everything love." I sighed, "thank you, for last night."

We heard a knock and we each turned our heads as Sirius let himself in. "You have some explaining to do, the both of you." Fred leaned his head back, "Sirius, I'm sorry. I couldn't say no, not to her." I gave Sirius a small smile, "I'm sorry."

He grabbed my arm, and I rolled my eyes as he pulled us into his room. "You can sit on that bed, and you can think about what you did." I smiled sitting down and Remus scoffed, "Sirius don't act like you didn't have girls in your bed." Sirius glared at him, "which is exactly why Clara is not leaving this room."
Remus shook his head, "Sirius you can sit here and think about your actions."

"I just wanted to see him and then I fell asleep. I didn't mean too." Sirius stared at me, "you're still in trouble, you slept with a boy." I rolled my eyes, "I apologized." He shrugged, "you're grounded. One week." I scoffed, "what the hell does that even mean? Where was I going to go anyway?" He raised his eyebrows, "you just made it two weeks." I threw my arms up, "Remus he's kidding right?" Sirius cut him off, "just made it three."

I gave up sitting down, and Remus smiled, "I'm happy you talked to Fred. I'm sure that helped." I nodded, "it did." Sirius scoffed, "hope it was worth the three weeks you just lost." Remus nudged him, "he's lying you're not in trouble." I smiled, "sorry Sirius. Better luck next time."