They call me a criminal

Chapter 63

Another week had passed, and despite being back around all these people I truly had never felt more alone. It felt like every year I found myself more lonely than the year before. I knew I was pushing away everyone again, but as much as I tried to bring myself back to them I couldn't. I was around them enough so that no one was worried, I kissed Fred once a day before I excused myself to do work or some other lame excuse.

I found myself on a walk after dinner one day and stepped aside as Snape pulled out of a classroom in front of me. "Good evening." I nodded, "evening." He sighed, "I'm guessing you're not on the way to the library." I bit my lip, "well you guessed right." He held open the door, "come in."

I did as he said sitting down at my usual detention chair. "You're just barely passing almost all of your classes." I shrugged, "I'm doing the best I can." He raised his eyebrow, "that does not appear to be good enough." I nodded, "I know." We sat in silence for a moment before I looked up, "why do my grades matter when I'm likely to be dead by the end of year anyway." He sighed, "you don't know that. Madeye was just saying the worst possible scenario." I bit my lip, "my chances don't look good do they?" He stood up, "I can give you the honest answer, or the one Remus would want me too." I scoffed, "I think that's an answer in its self." I pushed my chair back, "I need to go." He nodded, "I'm on your side, know that." I shut the door not knowing if I completely believed that.

"Clara, we've been looking all over for you, are you alright?" I turned to see Hermione followed by Harry and Ron, Fred and George were following closely behind. "I'm fine." Ron looked at me confused, "why were you with Snape?" I shrugged, "bad grades." They all continued staring at me, "do you guys need something? What's going on?" Harry nodded, "we gathered a bunch of students. They want to learn how to defend themselves." Hermione gave me a small smile, "we called it Dumbledores army." I sighed, "that's really great, good job." I started to walk away but Harry stopped me. "Look you have just as much experience fighting dark magic as me. I need your help." I shook my head, "look Harry, I'm sorry, but I can't right now." I gave Fred a quick kiss before I made my way to the astronomy tower.

Even now I still caught students all sticking their necks out to catch a glimpse of my wrists. I was constantly reminded to pull my sleeves down, and cross my arms as I walked.

Dear Remus and Other,
  I gave it a chance. Please let me come home. I hate it here. I don't want my last days to be spent in a castle that makes me feel more alone than ever. I really need to just be home right now. I miss you both so much it physically hurts. I love you.

Another week passed before I for some reason had a feeling to go and check on the army Harry had built. I made my way to the room of requirements and smiled when I saw everyone practicing their spells. I continued to scan the room until I saw Fred, he had his hand wrapped around Angelina's waist. At first I thought he was helping her stance, but after she cast her spell I watched as she jumped around excitedly and pressed her lips against Fred's. My body went numb and my wand slipped from my hands. The sound of it falling caught Harry's attention who then turned and looked at when I was seeing. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," I whispered turning around and began walking back to the common room.

"Clara?" I heard Snape call. I lifted my head trying to keep my tears in but they were already pooling in my eyes. "Just leave me the hell alone." He stepped in front of me, "what's going on?" I shook my head, "can you please help me get home?" He sighed, "why?" I scoffed, "because I genuinely can't stay here another second." He stared at me, "what happened?" I threw my arms up, "everything. If Voldemort wants me dead, then take me to him, because I'm so tired." I wiped my tears, "I'm tired of fighting this hard, of being alone constantly, of trying to maintain a relationship with a boy who clearly doesn't want to be with me anymore. I don't want to be scared for my life anymore. I JUST WANT THIS ALL TO BE OVER." He came and sat beside me, "I'll talk to Dumbledore."