They call me a criminal

Chapter 105

I felt my knees weaken as Molly called my name to speak.

My arms were shaking violently as I used the railings to steady myself.

I took a deep breath, skimming the crowd. I found Hermione, Ginny, Draco, George and didn't stop scanning the seats because I found comfort in their familiar faces.

"Um, I'm gonna be honest, I don't know why I'm here today. Years after years there had been hundreds of people who clearly wanted nothing more than to see me dead."

I looked down at the two closed caskets. "I'm no role model, I'm no saint, in fact I can't name any good things I've done in my life off the top of my head. But these two, they saw something that I couldn't even see in myself."

"Remus was my dad. He may have came into my life 13 years late and god knows I didn't make it easy for him. But he stayed, he made sure I ate, that I talked to someone, that I had someone to love me unconditionally through some of the darkest times of my life."

"He gave me everything he could, and I hate myself more and more everyday for not consistently reminding him how much I loved him and how grateful I was for him."

"Almost everyone here has had the feeling of getting out of bed in the morning feeling safe, feeling like they had something to look forward to."

"For the first thirteen years of my life I had no idea what any of that felt like. Not until I moved in with Remus. God knows I was in terrible shape, I isolated myself from everyone, I had spent weeks in Azkaban for a crime I didn't commit, and I tried to go back to my empty broken home. But Remus came he pulled me out of that spot, he gave me my very own room, and he loved me every second of every day no matter how hard it must've been."

"I didn't know the power of a hug until I met him, I didn't know the fullness of a parents love until I met him, he made me feel the safest I had ever felt in my life and I would give up my own life without hesitation to bring this man back, because Remus made the world a much better place."

"I mentioned I was far from perfect, but to understand the depth of that I'll provide some examples at expense of myself." I heard a few small laughs which made me feel more comfortable.

"I drank, in third year Remus had to carry me from an old basement staircase to his office where I spent the entire night throwing up."

"I forced Tonks, god bless her soul, to take me to Azkaban to confront my father and Remus refused to let me go alone. He came to the worst imaginable place on earth just for me and he held me that day as I cried for hours after my own father threatened to kill me for the second time."

"I lied, consistently. Trying to keep others out of my complicated messy life, but he didn't accept that, he forced his way in and he helped me through every god damn thing those people put me through, putting his own life at risk."

"Remus comforted me through the death of Sirius even though they had known each other much much longer and it should've been me there for him."

"My teen pregnancy is the elephant in the room, I'll admit I'm not proud of that one, but it gave me my daughter one of the best things I've ever had in life. The second that little girl was born I felt everything Remus felt for me and my heart shattered in a million pieces; because I knew I could never thank him for what he did for me. Without a doubt I can say I would be dead without Remus and all his sacrifices."

"I can however, love Teddy as if he was my own kid just like Remus did for me. I will make sure that every time I wrap my arms around my children they feel safety and comfort in me, in the same way Remus did for me and I will die for these children before I let anything happen to them, which is precisely what Remus did for us. Every day I will remind Teddy and Raya of this man, and he will forever hold the largest piece of my heart. Remus I love you so much and I wish more than anything I could see you one last time. Thank you for being the best father anyone could've asked for."