They call me a criminal

Chapter 73

Once all my things were packed Remus took us to the station carrying my trunk for me. "This isn't goodbye, I'll be home for Christmas." He smiled, "I love you so much." I hugged him, "I love you too." As I was about to board the train, "I hope you and Tonks have fun while I'm away." This caused him to try to hide a smile and I laughed, "goodbye."

I didn't make any effort to find Harry or them. I hadn't even spoken to them since the ministry, they wrote but I could never bring myself to respond as pathetic as it sounded. I pushed myself into a compartment alone pulling my knees to my chest. "Hey," I looked up to see my sister in the door. Draco walked up behind her sliding into the compartment. "This feels like last year," he smiled. Pansy sat down beside me and I nodded, "how are you?" She sighed, "tired of trying to figure everything out on my own. I don't think any of it was your fault Clara." I met her eyes, "really?" She bit her lip, "I wrote to you over the summer, you never responded." I looked away, "I didn't realize, I tossed all the letters I received." Pansy let out a deep breath, "I saw the picture of you on the ministry floor. Covered in blood again, just like after the goblet. It really made me realize I don't want to lose anyone else in my family. And god I was stupid to think you asked for all this." I gave her a small smile, "thank you."

She stood up, "I'm going to go sit with the rest of the Slytherins. You coming Draco?" He nodded, "I'll be there in a minute." As soon as she was gone he switched spots sitting directly beside me. "You still thinking about running?" I nodded, "Are you still willing to help me?" He smiled, "of course I am." I let out a relieved sigh, "I just want to be gone." He put his arm around my shoulder, "I don't want that." This made me scoff, "well it's better than me being dead." He let out a small laugh, "you're right." I turned to look towards the window, "things are already starting to get worse." I felt him squeeze my hand, "you just gotta through this year."

He eventually left me alone to my thoughts and I took comfort in the silence mixed with everyones conversations amongst themselves. "I've been looking for you." I recognized Harry's voice but continued to stare down at my knees. "We hadn't heard from you all summer." I felt him sit down, and sighed, "I'm sorry. I just couldn't speak to anyone this summer." He bit his lip, "you don't have to apologize." I turned to the window facing away from him as I tried to figure out what to say next. This stuff used to happen naturally but now it felt like a chore even just talking to my friends.

"Do you want to come and sit with us?" I slowly shook my head, "I think I just want to be alone." He nodded, "I get it." I didn't feel him get up and I felt kinda bad. "I know you lost Sirius too. I'm sorry for not being there." He shrugged, "I wouldn't expect you to be. Everything that happened I didn't know if you would even come back to Hogwarts." I bit my lip, "I didn't want to." He sighed, "I'm sorry we let them get to you. I couldn't stop thinking about it all summer. You went alone because we got caught, but it was all a lie. A lie Voldemort made me believe. I'm sorry Clara, I really am."

"Harry none of this is your fault and you better remember that." After he left the compartment I gently set my head against the window taking a deep breath.

When the train pulled into Hogwarts I began to mentally prepare myself for dinner but five minutes before it began I bailed. I was already in the dining hall but seeing everyone so happy to see each other again made me want to rip my eyes out.

"Come on Clara," a voice whispered. I recognized Draco's hand leading me away, I gave in almost immediately following him outside. I wanted to say something to him but nothing would come out. He understood because he pulled me into his arms pushing my head deep into his shoulder. "Breathe Clar." I did as he said tipping my head back so the tears would fall back into my eyes. "You're shaking." I looked down at my hands they were trembling even as I closed my fists. "You'd be crazy not to be scared." This comment made me go stiff, I didn't want this to be my entire school year. I reached my arms out around Draco's waist pulling myself as close as possible, "thank you."

I closed my eyes as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'm not letting you do this alone."