I Know Your Scared Of The Unknown

Chapter 33

Austin's POV

I threw my phone down on the seat next to me as I rolled my Cullinan to a stop at a red light not too far from Sophie's house, fidgeting slightly as I wished for it to change knowing that I needed to get to Sophie as quick as I could. I was such a fucking idiot, she was right I should've put up more of a fight to go and get her last night at Lauren's instead of just making sure that she was okay and letting that be enough for me. It's all my fault that she is drinking again, if I never left her last night and continued our dinner together everything would've been fine, but no I had to leave because I thought partying was the better way to spend my night than spending it with the woman that I loved.

I threw on my blinker to turn down her road, my palms becoming sticky against the black leather of my steering wheel as I turned into her driveway. I got out of the car, closing the door quickly behind me as I started walking towards her house not quite sure what to expect when I walked through the doors as I hoped that whatever her current state was, would be something that I was going to be able to handle.

I reached out to grab the door handle both relieved but slightly worried that it was in an unlocked state. I opened it slowly, soft music playing in the background as I looked around her living room which was in the same exact state as it was last night before I left her, the rose petals to the kitchen laying in a shriveled mess on the floor almost as a foreshadowing to what our relationship was becoming. "Sophie?" I called when I noticed that she wasn't in the room.

My ears perked up as I heard shuffling in the kitchen and a voice talking quietly through a string of sobs. I walked quickly towards the sound, rounding the corner as I saw her balancing on a chair to reach into the highest shelf of her cedar cabinet for what appeared to be another bottle of Jameson that she had tucked carefully away into the depths of the cedar shelves.

"Why the fuck am I never fucking good enough for anyone? Why do I always fucking give every single fucking part of myself away only to have my heart stomped on and ran over repeatedly" I heard her slur quietly as she continued to reach for the bottle, knocking things off the shelf in the process as they tumbled to the ground below with a loud crash.

"Sophie?" I said to her again, wanting to make sure that she heard me so I wouldn't startle her and make the situation worse, but she just seemed to carry on with trying to reach that bottle like no one else but her and her thoughts were in existence.

"I just wanted to be enough, just once I wanted to be enough" she slurred through thick sobs as she finally accomplished her goal and grasped the bottle in her hands. She slid herself down in the chair that she had pushed over to help aid in her reach of the bottle as she twisted off the cap,  bringing the bottle to her lips as she took a heavy sip. "Please just tell me what I'm doing wrong, please tell me how I can fix myself" she said, talking to no one as she shook her head, her shoulders slumping over as she started sobbing harder.

My heart was breaking for her as I saw the outcome of my actions that were tearing her apart from the inside out as I stood by as a bystander watching it happen. I quickly put my hands up and grabbed a fistful of my hair as I turned my back from the kitchen trying to decide how I was going to handle the fragile, broken and seemingly very drunk girl that sat before me. When nothing immediately came to my mind I just decided that hopefully being there was going to be enough.

I turned around taking a breath as I walked into the kitchen, walking up in front of her as I crouched down to get on her level. "Sophie baby, it's going to be okay." I said, reaching up to push a piece of hair behind her ears, her head slowly coming up to look at me. Her eyes were bloodshot red from a mixture of crying and drinking, thick black lines of mascara were covering her cheeks, smudged everywhere undoubtedly from the number of times she wiped at her face. "Sophie baby I'm so sorry" I said, leaning in to wrap my arms around her as she sat herself up and moved away from me.