I Know Your Scared Of The Unknown

Chapter 39

Sophie's POV

I sat in the comfortable pedicure chair, the massage turned on as it rubbed roughly against the knots in my back that I didn't know existed until this moment. Little did I know that this was exactly what I had needed, and of course it was Lauren's idea, the one person who knew exactly what it would take to make me feel better.

It gave me time to sit and think and reevaluate everything that has been going on in my life since I married Austin. Things had changed so much since that day and the fact that it had, made me feel like I was a fool for thinking that it was going to be different from any of my past relationships. I guess I couldn't really say that Austin was faking everything, because that was a lot to fake and during the week that we were away he would've undoubtedly slipped up. But his actions since we were home had me second guessing all of his actions while we were gone.

Then there was me, crazy messed up and imperfect me. I felt myself spiraling down a dark hole more and more as the days passed since I had seen the picture of him with that girl. I never really pressed him for a reason as to why more than once or twice, deciding that just adapting myself to be like her was the best course of action to take. He could tell me what he wanted but I knew that she had something that he desired that he couldn't find in me, but just what that was was what I needed to find out.

I wasn't really sure how to take Austin's thoughts on me becoming someone new, well I should say the girl that he wanted me to be but was too afraid of asking me to make that change. He was like a rollercoaster of different personalities since we got home and I was starting to get so confused on whether or not I was enjoying the ride or silently praying for it to be over but also not wanting it to end at the same time. He's been a mixture of affectionate and douchebag all in a matter of a few days and he seemed to switch between them in an alarmingly easy way, which was concerning to me.

This morning for instance was absolutely amazing whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not. He brought back the Austin that I had fallen in love with, the Austin who had seemed to love me for everything that I had to offer. And he brought that girl back today that I was when we married each other, I'm not sure how he did it but he did, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel at peace with myself knowing that even if it was just for that moment that I was good enough for him again. But then that one question about that girl changed everything and brought me back to my new reality that I wasn't good enough for him because if I was he wouldn't have done what he had done.

"Soph? Hey earth to Sophie" I heard Lauren chuckle to me as I was brought back from my very scattered and not well thought out thoughts, my head whipping to the right as I looked over at her with a bemused smile.

"Yeah? Sorry I was thinking" I laughed, my gaze returning to the lady who was carefully spreading the black polish over my toes that matched the black that was spread across my perfectly manicured fingers. The girl he was with had black nail polish on and he always seemed to paint his nails that color so I figured he'd like it if I did it too.

"So I saw, the smoke was coming out of your ears you were so lost in your thoughts" she said, causing me to twist my face in a playful mock as I rolled my eyes at her before resting my head back against the headrest.

"Oh, before I forget to tell you" I blurted out, making it quite clear that my head and my thoughts still weren't staying focused. "You can cancel the appointment at the hair salon. Austin kind of convinced me that he didn't want me to dye my hair" I said with a sad shrug, wondering if he really did want me to and I should just go and get it done anyway.

"Thank the Lord! I was hoping someone was going to talk you out of that idea. No offense Soph but you would look like a fucking I don't know what if you went through with that. I love your hair and clearly Austin does too" she said with a shy smile, grabbing her phone off of the small table next to her, her thumbs moving quickly against the keyboard illuminated on the screen before she set the phone back down and looked at me with a smile.