Raising Gracie

Raising Gracie 'In memory of Ken Quin'

"What are you doing sweet luv?" Becky asked as Gracie stood watching Roux in her travel bassinet.
"Watching sissy play with grandda." Gracie said.
"What?" Becky asked.
"See her giggling there." Gracie said. "That is Grandda playing with her."
Becky watched as her three month old daughter laid giggling.
"Mommy." Gracie said.
"Yes luv." Becky said.
"My heart hurts." Gracie said.
"I know my sweet luv my heart hurts too." Becky said lifting Gracie onto her lap. "You know your grandda loved you so much."
"I know." Gracie said. "Mama said she's be with him and together they'd watch over us."
"I believe they will." Becky said wiping her tears.
"Is it okay to cry still?" Gracie asked.
"Very much so." Becky said. "There is no book on how to greave, all we can do is go through it."
"What's wrong?" Seth asked coming in.
"I am sad daddy." Gracie said.
Seth didn't say anything, he just came over and sat behind them and hugging them both. Losing Ken had been hard and thanks to all the traveling restrictions they weren't able to make it back to Ireland to see him, sure they video chatted but it was hard not being there.
"Will I always be sad?" Gracie asked.
"Each person handles lose differently." Seth said.
"When I think of grandda I get really sad." Gracie said.
"Me too, but I also find joy and peace when I think about him." Becky said. "My da was an amazing da, he was always there believing in my dreams and being apart of my journey. He was an amazing da and grandfather."
"I know he was in a lot of pain, but he's not now." Gracie said. "Like when my mama was dying, I know she was in pain, but when she went to be an angel her pain went away."
"It does." Becky said. "He is no longer in pain. That is how I have found some peace in losing him. I remember the amazing man he was, the amazing father and friend. Everything he taught me and the moments we shared together."
"Like writing." Gracie asked.
"Yes, and reading." Becky said. "He planted a little reading and writing seed deep in me that is still going to this day."
"Is that why you encourage me to read and draw?" Gracie asked.
"Yes, you're still learning how to write, but in your pictures you still say so much." Becky said,
"If I draw a picture for grandda can we send it to him, so he knows we love still?" Gracie asked.
"That sounds like a good idea." Seth said.

Gracie climbed down and walked over to where her crayons we at and began coloring while Seth held Becky as the enormity of it all washed over her.
"I love you." Seth said.
"I love you." Becky said leaning into him absorbing his warmth and love.

Seth watched as his girls all slept. Gracie was tossing and turning and he knew she was processing all that was happening still.
"No." Gracie said popping up. "Daddy."
"I'm here." Seth said moving over to her and scooping her up. "It's okay."
"Daddy I am so sad." Gracie said.
"I know baby." Seth said rubbing her back.
"Seth?" Becky asked waking up.
"I'm here." Seth said moving over with Gracie.
"What's wrong?" Becky asked.
"She's having a hard time sleeping." Seth said.
"Do you wanna come cuddle with me?" Becky asked.
"Yeah." Gracie said.
Seth moved her gently laying her next to Becky who quickly took her into her arms as Gracie wrapped herself around her.
"I promise someday it will be light again for my girl." Seth said. "Until then I am here for you."
"I think we got the greatest gift in your daddy." Becky said. "He's our rock."
"Always." Seth said. "Try to sleep."
Both closed their eyes and he watched them sleep. When Roux was ready for her feeding he quickly changed her and climbed into Gracie's bed and fed her watching her enjoy her meal in the moonlight.
"Your mommy and sissy are going to need your giggles." Seth said. "It brings them out of the darkness."
He smiled as Roux grabbed his finger and looked at him.
"I am so thankful for you my little bug." Seth said. "You are a bright light like your sister is and the good you do is out of this world."
After she finished he burned her and sat with her curled to his chest sleeping peacefully.

"What are we doing here?! Gracie asked when they pulled up to a large open field. "Uncle Tony."
"Yes, he's going to help us out." Seth said. "You got your picture you made grandda?"
"Yes." Gracie said,
"Well mama grab the baby and let's go." Seth said.
Becky smiled and pulled Roux's carried out and quickly turned it into a stroller while Seth got Gracie and picture out.
"Can I run over?" Gracie asked.
"Go for it." Seth said.
Gracie giggled through her mask and ran over to Cesaro who scooped her up and spun her around making her laugh.

"So we're going to tape your picture to this lantern and then we're going to set it free to carry your picture to your grandda." Seth said.
Gracie smiled and helped tape it to the lantern.
"Okay, grab here." Seth said showing her the handle which she took.
"On three." Becky said.
"One." Gracie said.
"Two." Seth said."
"Three." Becky said and they let go and the lantern rose into the air and out of site as the wind carried it away.
"Love you grandda." Gracie said.
"And he loved you so very much." Becky said.

Becky sat holding Roux as Gracie chased Cesaro around the grassy space they were in.
"How are you?" Seth asked.
"I'm sad, but okay." Becky said. "My da was an amazing da."
"And you are an amazing ma." Seth said. "Our little lights are proof of that."
"They are." Becky said. "Gracie has lost a lot in her little life but she is still shining bright."
"It's because she was blessed with so much, so many people love her and want to help keep light shining." Seth said. "Yes there will be times where her light dims from sadness or whatever, but it will always shine again. We will see to that."
"We will." Becky said leaning back against him as Roux started giggling.
"Gracie says my da is playing with her when she's giggling like this." Becky said.
"He is." Seth said. "He loved her."
"He did." Becky said.
"I know you worry how to keep him with you and you do that by teaching our girls the things he taught you. It's about being an amazing ma like he was an amazing da. Instilling all the good things in them that he instilled in you." Seth said. "You keep him alive in your heart and in theirs by sharing memories and love."
"Thank you." Becky said as he pressed a kiss to her head.
"There is no timetable or book on how to grieve." Seth said. "You just have to go through the motions and know I am always here for whatever you need. You can be weak because I am strong."
"I worry if I show to much to Gracie it will hurt her." Becky said.
"It won't." Seth said. "She needs to see you grieve so she knows it's okay for her to grieve. You both had special relationships with Ken and you're both allowed to feel that loss and express it."
Becky nodded and they watched Roux giggle some more and listened as Gracie laughed freely and openly.
"We do this one day at a time and we do it together." Seth said. "Like I promised last night there will be sun again and we'll help you however you need."
"Our girls are so lucky they got you as their father." Becky said. "I could not and would not ask for anyone different."
"Thank you." Seth said. "I feel I am the lucky one, you changed my life, you made me see more to life then work."
"The other half." Becky said.
"In all things." Seth said. "I didn't know I could love like this until you, I didn't know how much I wanted to be a daddy until Gracie and then Roux."
"We're all lucky because we got each other and I cherish all the time I have with you all." Becky said.
"Me too." Seth said. "I love you so much."
"I love you as much." Becky said. "Thank you for being my best friend."
"Thank you for our family." Seth said.
Becky smiled as a warm breeze moved over them almost feeling like it was circling them.
"Love you daddy." Becky said as Roux giggled.

~~~~~~~

AN: So I wrote this chapter after Becky posted about losing her father and my brain kept telling me write it. My heart goes out to all who knew and love Ken Quin. He instilled some amazing things in his daughter and it shows how much he loved and cared for her. I truly believe it's those things that Rebecca can instill in her children to keep him alive for them. My he no longer be in pain and may he be at peace knowing his daughter and granddaughter are in great hands with Colby.

Side Note: There is no rule book on how anyone should grieve, but I truly believe 'The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow' May the Quin family find their sun in the darkness of this grief and see light again.