Different Sides of the Sea - Levi Ackerman x Reader

chapter 10

I walked home alone that night and slumped into bed. I didn't even bother taking off my shoes.

My face was damp with salty tears and it was hard to keep my eyes open, as they felt they weighed a thousand pounds.

The feeling of sadness and grief caved into my mind.

Nothing felt real.

I closed my eyes and drifted into a slumber.

When I closed my eyes I saw his face.

Porco.

Everything that happened tonight replayed in my head like a tune I couldn't stop thinking about.

I knew all along that something like this would eventually happen. But who would want to breakup with me? It took me by surprise and I suddenly didn't feel okay with it. 

- - -

He took a deep breath and stood up.

"I'm breaking up with you."

I cupped his cheeks in both of my hands and gave him a soft look.

"Why? What did I do? I can fix this, I didn't mean to get close to another person I-

"I'm inheriting the power of the Jaw Titan. I don't want you to only be married to me for 13 years because that isn't fair to you. You deserve a better life than that. I don't want you to mourn my death later on when we could have just separated now."

I sighed, I had a feeling this was coming. His heart was too sweet to let me live a lonely life after he's gone.

Maybe he didn't hear what I said..

"So, what do you mean you got close to another person?"

Nevermind, he heard.

"I just, uh-"

"It doesn't matter. Maybe it was for the best. It hurts me to know that you were entertaining another man, but what can I do now?"

"I wasn't entertaining another man, Porco. Don't think of me so poorly."

He grabbed my waist and kissed my forehead. He held his lips tightly there for a while.

He pulled back slowly and cupped my face while keeping eye contact with me.

"I just hope he gives you everything you deserve."

Then he left.

- - -

Now my days are lonely.

Well, not all the time.

Pieck heard about the breakup and came almost everyday to comfort me. She talked with me, read with me, walked with me, and ate meals with me. She never let me mope in sadness because she said to me, "You're too pretty to cry."

Though, that's all I felt like doing.

Even though my heart was with Porco, my mind never forgot Levi.

His cool demeanor and his beautiful sharp eyes. I missed that.

I remembered Porco's wish. That he hopes I would find someone that would give me everything I deserve.

I helplessly wished for that as well.

"Dinner at my place tonight?" Pieck would ask me this same question every single night and I'd try to turn her down everytime, but she didn't budge. 

"I won't take no for an answer! I don't need you starving to death!"

She was the closest person to me and the only person I could consider to be a real friend. I would talk and she would listen. But I pushed her away a little more often. 

I couldn't talk to her about Levi for the obvious reasons of course. Pieck was never one to be a die hard Marley warrior, but she did have respect in the military and on Marley. She had a father to take care of and I didn't want to drag her down with my bullshit. 

If they found out that she knew of my affair and treacherous behavior with the devils, they would not only have my head, but her's as well. 

I started to write in my diary more often. I knew that my notes and paragraphs would be seen by no one other than myself, but it was the one place I could truly let everything out. My own sacred piece. 

At first, I really didn't know what I wanted to write about. I was feeling a million things all at once and I couldn't relax my mind on anything.

So, I decided to write letters to Levi.

Of course I'd never be able to send them, but I'd like to think that one day he'd be able to read them.

This man who barely knew me, showed me kindness that I had only ever felt with Porco. I was never protected here in Marley. I feared for my life everyday.

In the internment zone, people spit on me, mocked me, laughed at me, and treated me like scum.

Levi reminded me that there was good in the world. That not everyone will look at me like I was scum. I'd like to know that there was someone out there who would make all of these horrible things go away.

I was lonely here.

Porco couldn't do it. He was dragged into the military's agenda and he gratefully accepted.

It was his choice. It's time I make my own.

I began to write...

To Levi...