Avengers One-Shots

Blame [Helmut Zemo]

Pairings: Helmut Zemo x fem!reader

Words: 6.4K

Summary: Around seven years after the death of your son it feels as though nothing's changed, the pain hasn't gone away, but after some coercing from your therapist and a bit of pure luck you test the waters to see if your ex-husband can help.

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions/general descriptions of death, minor alcohol consumption, nightmares, trauma

A/N: See I told you, I went there, again, what's wrong with me? I don't know but I'm hella proud of how it turned out so no regrets

--

"No, my son! My son is in there!" you screamed trying to claw past the guards, the military, keeping you from bringing your son back to safety.

"Ma'am-,"

"Carl!" you yelled as loud as your lungs would allow you, making your voice raw "Carl meine liebe! Carl can you hear me!"

Roughly, you pulled yourself away from the guards, taking a step back to address them.

"You're doing nothing for him! He's just a child! Let me get my son!"

"Ma'am it's too dangerous-,"

"Don't give me that-,"

You didn't have time to finish your sentence as the ground started to rumble, the building tumbling down into a pile of rubble and ashes in an already destroyed city.

You woke up, quickly pushing yourself upright, a cold sweat dripping down your forehead.

You knew what came next. It was always the same. The scream that ripped through your throat. Falling into nothingness while instead of sitting next to your son in the hospital while he recovered from a few minor injuries, you were sitting next to his casket. His hazel-coloured hair, parted slightly to the side, just like his dad's. The way he liked it.

And each time you woke up it felt more real than the last. Like you were back there. Watching the building fall while you stood helplessly.

The tears that dripped down your cheeks were old news, you'd find time to wipe them away at some point but you needed a minute. A minute to breathe.

Testing the waters you sling your feet over the bed, placing your toes on the cool wood flooring, bringing you slowly back to reality.

Standing was another challenge, but you took it step-by-step, wobbling to the washroom where you flicked on the lights, bending over the sink.

You didn't even notice how tightly you were holding onto the sides until the sink shook slightly with you while you sobbed.

You were so tired these days, it felt like it had been years since you had gotten proper sleep, you even half expected a pair of calming hands, holding your waist, pulling back your hair, tethering you to the present. But like always, there was nothing, but you supposed that was your own fault.

You managed enough strength to turn on the tap, splashing your face with cold water.

Drying your face you looked away from the mirror, unable to face yourself, instead trying to take some calming breaths the ones you used to think were bullshit but after your therapist had forced you to try it, well it was hard to go back.

Two through the nose. One out through the mouth.

Again and again, until your heart rate came to a rest.