The Land of the Samurai ; 侍の国 (Gintama x Reader)

Shinsengumi Love Records

note-there are spoliers about hijikata's past, but i don't explicitly explain or go into it. if you don't mind getting a vague explanation of his history, keep reading :)

Hijikata had been through many horrific and traumatic events prior to his official enrolment in the Shinsengumi. Those scenes always played back in his mind whenever he had time to reflect-he always reminded himself to get over stuff like this, but it was easier said than done.

One thing that was present in his thoughts was-did he deserve everything he was given? Did he deserve to have a loving family like the Shinsengumi to be with him? Did he deserve all the respect he was given? 

Did he deserve to be loved?

Hijikata had been in love a few times in life; the first, was familial love for his older brother. He was the first person that welcomed Hijikata - the first person who didn't judge or shun him. But... it was because of that love that they had to separate. 

The second love, although he won't admit it aloud, would be for his first romantic love for Okita Mitsuba. When he had joined Kondo Isao's dojo, he was showered with love and acceptance from herself, and Kondo as well. 

It made him grateful; made him feel... thankful. 

The adoration and affection he felt when Mitsuba was around was different to Kondo's. Her words were filled with warmth, something that he hadn't experienced in a very long time. Perhaps that's what made him attracted to her in the first place. 

Even though he was disliked by her brother, it didn't bother him. What bothered him were his ideals; his genuine thoughts. He never, ever wanted to put Mitsuba in any type of pain. That's why he left-to rid of everything that could hurt her. But in that process, he was actually hurting himself too. 

To Hijikata Tōshirō, love was about maintaining a safe distance. Only so that no one would get hurt in the process. 

This was the reason why he never acted upon his feelings. No matter who the person may be-his first love, or his current love. There was always some hesitance in his actions. 

"Oi! Wake up!" 

"...Huh?" the man opened his eyes that were previously shut tight. Was he daydreaming the past? He turned to his left, then to the right. Was it just his imagination? He shut his eyes once again, wanting to disappear for a moment from the present. 

"Hijikata-kun! I said wake up! Kondo-san told me to tell you that your meeting is in ten minutes." His eyes flickered before his head spun - great, a headache? This wasn't a good sign, "Er- Are you feeling alright?"

"Y-Yeah... I guess," Hijikata gently shook his head to concentrate on the person in front of him. "Oh, right. The meeting. I'll get ready soon."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay? I don't usually see you sleeping at a time like this. Did you get enough sleep last night?" What were you, his mother? He wasn't mad at your concern, but more so, he just didn't like to be taken care of. Hijikata wasn't a person that liked to be cared for; he believed that it was his job as a man to do that. 

"I'm fine, [name]-san," he attempted to get up from the floor, but stumbled in the process. "What's wrong with me today?"

"Yeah, you're not fine," you placed the back of your hand onto his forehead, it was feeling warm, but not too hot. "You should probably rest for the day."

Hijikata hadn't felt weak in so long-he was always, no, he needed to be strong, "[name]-san, I told you I'm fine."

"And as the nurse, I say to rest! Think about the consequences. You think you can actually focus in the meeting later? You'll probably just be a burden since you're not feeling well. Kondo-san will understand, don't worry."